Blog Someone please inspire or motivate me!!

[Heady]

Here's the deal: As said in a previous blog, I've been sick for nearly a month. Prior to that I injured my back. So...we're talking 2 months out of commission, right?

As darling as my husband is, he is not one for cleaning up. Especially his own messes. And he is the king of making messes.

So...2 months of no cleaning has turned my entire apartment into a sty. Seriously. There are boxes and various mail and dishes and clothing and paper and hay and shredded paper towels (thank you Gabriel) strewn about. In every room. Including the bathroom. You can barely see the floor. In every room.

My art has suffered for it (I can't do any artwork unless everything is clean and when everything is clean, I don't feel overwhelmed and I don't have to "think"...you know..no distractions) but MORE importantly, my animals have suffered for it.

I haven't gone to bed yet (again). I got a piece of coroplast last Tuesday and it's been sitting here...on top of clothes and books...leaning against the dining table (the cats turned it into a slide...seriously) I FINALLY got the motivation to get it ready for the redesigned cage. Thankfully the thread I posted about measurements got a lot of very intelligent replies, therefore I didn't have to put much thought into it.

So...that is ready. Now...I'm starting to feel tired. I want to put the pigs in their play room so I can redo the cage, put the coro in, new fleece and add the pigs. Saying it, it doesn't seem like a lot of work. But it is. Or maybe I'm making it out to be a lot of work. I don't know.

I'm tired. I don't know if I have the energy to do all of this. My worry is I'll start it and then crash and do a "half-bunsed" job on it (go me for not swearing!! ).

I want it to be PERFECT! And I don't know if I can do it.

I'm so miserable. I HATE living in a mess and that's what it's been like these past couple months. I hate it.

Some would say "If you hate it, why don't you do something about it"...and to that I would say it's very true and I should do something about it...like a "duh, slap-on-the-forehead" moment. But then I run into issues. You see, anytime I move, my mouth starts to water and my throat tightens, preparing for projectile vomiting. I DO have pills for nausea, but they wear off after about an hour or two. During the time that the pills DO work, I run into, yet, another problem. A severe burn in my chest up to my throat.

Basically, I am a HUGE mess. I feel like the worst animal mommy in the world. I feel like I've been neglecting them. The piggies thank me with wheeks and popcorning when I go over to the cage and the cats will entertain me with their spats and falling asleep in silly positions, but even though they show me love and let me know that they know I love them, it's just not enough.

This may sound weird, but I am a firm believer that animals can easily pick up on emotions. When I'm severely depressed and/or crying in a pitch black bathroom, they'll claw at the door until I open it, and sit there with me...nudging me with their head and offering very soft meows. They'll let me hold them like babies...on their backs, cradled in my arms and allow me to put my face on their soft, furry bellies...purring away. They know that helps.

The pigs are the same way, especially Barney (which is somewhat odd because he worships Jer-as I've said before, Barney is HIS pig, not mine and Jer is HIS parent and not me-and typically doesn't dig me...but if I'm sad, he gives lots and lots of love). If I pick them up to snuggle with me on the couch, Barney will run up to my neck and keep nudging me and offering licks and chattering. Santino does the same..nudging my chin (and offers the occasional kissies on my mouth), but it's different with Barney. It's as if Barney wants to give me a hug, but his little legs are too short to go around me....but he tries.

I will admit that I've never been good at cleaning. I try. I try to be organized and normal. But...it just doesn't happen. I look through the pictures in the photo galleries here and notice that everyone has clean, organized homes. Why can't I do that? It makes me feel inferior (not anyone's fault...just a feeling)...while that feeling isn't alien to me and, frankly, doesn't bother me too, too much I still would like to be like other people. Organized. Vacuum every day. Dust. Do dishes. Etc...

Because of this whole mess, the other day, I noticed the litterbox was filled...FILLED with poops and peeps. Jer can't clean out the litterboxes. When I first hurt my back, he tried, but the entire time he was gagging...like forceful gagging...the kind where you're expecting to see intestines come flying out of the mouth gagging. I felt so bad for him, but so touched that he was making an effort (it was better than when I was in the second mental hospital and he thought just dumping new litter over the poops and peeps would suffice...when I came back home...sweet cheeses!!!...it was like he poured cement in the litterboxes...trying to clean it, I busted the handle on my scoop and had to use a kitchen utensil...which was promptly disposed of afterward...).

And this is what bothers me. I LET the litterboxes get that bad. I shouldn't do that. That is irresponsible and poor animal care, in my opinion. Regardless of how sick I am or how injured, my babies rely on me to take care of them. While I'm aware that they know I'm not doing well, that doesn't excuse my neglect. I will say that it would really be helpful if Jer was able to help out with that kind of stuff...or even cleaning in general.

Speaking of THAT, another thing I despise about myself is that he has a job and I don't have a "regular" job. Since he works, I should be the one that takes care of the apartment. Cleaning and all that. The problem: I simply don't know how. And...you know what...that sounds SO immature...to me.

I don't know if any of you have made it this far...I know I kept jumping from topic to topic, problem to problem...but if you have, maybe you could offer advice to me.

I want to know how to clean. I want to know how to organize. I want to know how to NOT get so overwhelmed by stuff like this. I do...I get so overwhelmed with having to clean that I have a panic attack and it never gets done.

Jer and others keep telling me "One area at a time"...but I can't do that. Say I try to clean off the coffee table. Well, I find Icy Hot that needs to go in the bathroom....so I go in the bathroom and discover another mess. So I start on that. I see the bathroom garbage is full, so I stop cleaning and take the garbage into the kitchen. Then I see the stove covered in grease. So I clean that. And it just goes on and on. I don't know how you people do it!!! I mean...like I said, the pics in the gallery...everyone's homes are so clean and refreshing to look at.

I'm so embarrassed about it. I want to take pics of the cage and everything, but there is crap (not literal crap...more like empty boxes and papers and stuff) surrounding it.

When the darling AngieKay came over with her hubby to bring Barney to me, the apartment was disgusting. No room to sit...had to dance around everything to get anywhere. I was so embarrassed. But she's sweet, so she didn't think anything of it.

So that's another example of being overwhelmed. I knew she was coming the day before...so I had that day and the morning and afternoon of the day she arrived to get stuff clean. But I got so overwhelmed with it that I pretty much froze and had NO idea what to do.

So...again...bravo if you're still reading!!! :eye-poppi

How do you people do it? How do you get motivated to get stuff done? Where do I get the energy to get this stuff taken care of?

I just feel SO bad for my animals and feel like I don't deserve them. Maybe once I'm no longer sick, it will be different. But I feel bad that for 2 months, I haven't been giving them the usual spoiling treatment.

I want suggestions, advice, criticisms, anything. Please help.

 

[2pigs2kids]

First, you have to stop beating yourself up! It sounds like you have some health concerns, and that's an obstacle to overcome that I'm sure a lot of others with their always-clean homes don't have. I'm a stay at home mom and feel like I'm constantly struggling to keep the house picked up and clean. While it's not a sty, it is "lived in" as I like to call it When I go to friend's homes, they are usually perfectly clean and I sometimes feel like, "HOW do they do it?". But what I've come to realize is that their homes aren't always like that. They clean up for company and the rest of the time, it's just as "lived in" as mine.
It sounds like you need to get hubby invested and on-board with cleaning up after himself too! Pick a weekend when you're both home, and dive in together. Even if it's for 5 minutes at a time! Also, here is a great website that you might find helpful:FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home
click on the section to the left that says, "beginner baby steps". It gives you a day by day plan on what to do. Good luck!!

 

[twiztedlilfae]

((((((HUGS HUGS HUGS))))) I totally know how you feel!!!! My room is a disaster area! I know the basics of cleaning but it's nearly impossible for me to keep it up. Like these past 2 weeks I've had tv dinners and I have done very little cooking just so I don't have to do the dishes. But then I have to throw the stuff away and I hate to say it but some of the things have sat on the table in the living room for a few days before I threw them away. Some of it has to do with being exhausted, some of it has to do with not being home and eating in a hurry to get to work, and the other part is pure laziness on my part. Usually once a month I come into my room with a trashbag so I can throw everything away that's trash. You're not alone and don't beat yourself up over being perfect. Being perfect is exhausting. If the litter box bothers your husband I'd tell him to just dump the litter into a trashbag so that he doesn't have to scoop. You might end up buying more litter but atleast they'll have clean litter. I'm still working on trying to get organized.

Also the way you describe the bouncing from one area to clean to the other sounds an awful lot like me before I was diagnosed with ADHD. And I feel really really overwhelmed with cleaning too. Only I'd bounce between schoolwork, the internet, cleaning, and everything else...most of the time I'd put everything off until I couldn't possibly put it off anymore.

 

[Buddy4]

Try this free website for organizing: FlyLady.net: Your personal online coach to help you gain control of your house and home She will put you on the right track. As far as your health goes, do you drink diet sodas by any chance?

 

[Tessa Bea]

-hug- I know how you feel, I grew up in a very cluttered home. I have overcome that though, and now live in a wonderful and clean apartment with my husband. I blame most of that on the military- they taught me how to clean.

The BIGGEST advice I can give you is to get rid of everything- and I mean EVERYTHING- that you do not need. It's a pain in the arse, but I do it at least once a month- sort through mail/magazines/etc and recycle what I haven't looked at, post things on freecycle that I haven't used, etc. Also, when I moved out here from Michigan, I pitched all of my stuff pretty much and started over. I gave all my shoes except for a few pairs to my best friend, along with the majority of my clothes. The stuff that she didn't want, I helped her take to charity. It was difficult, but SO worth it. I feel completely liberated now that I have fewer things.

The second thing I can suggest to you is to use natural cleaning products. Ammonia, Vinegar, citrus based things, and steam are my best friends along with microfiber cloths. "Normal" cleaning agents really mess with my system.

As far as the cat box thing, have you looked into one that auto-cleans? They've come down in price over the years.

One more piece of advice- I use cleaning as a way to earn rewards for myself. For instance, "If I clear the kitchen table, I can have a half hour of videogame time." "If I do a load of laundry, I can read my books for an hour". Etc. It takes some discipline, but I find I feel much less guilty about the time I spend NOT cleaning if I do it that way.

 

[Hawise]

You have been given many many good advice. Many people feel the same as you, and if anything, it should show you that there is nothing to be ashamed of! I, like Tess, grew up in a messy home, with a macho father who would not lift a finger to help my poor mum (who still had to work full time...). Anyway, here are my advice: some may not apply to you, but if I can help you, even a little bit, I will be happy

1- My secret to keep a clean flat, is to think of it as a "purification" process. I know everyone who reads this will probably think I am really crazy, but I do a good scrubbing around the house, I feel like I am cleaning myself innerly too: I open the windows, use natural products, have a good work out...I imagine the dust leaving my home and my lungs, clearing my floor and my head, etc. A long bath at the end is a must!
2- As Tess already said: use natural products. White vinegar (VERY cheap and harmless) and essential oils are my favs. I do not use any chemical cleaning products anymore, and my house is REALLY clean. Essential oils are great: you can have a smell for each room, and some essential oils help the cleaning process (tee tree and lavender are great in kitchen and bathrooms as they are desinfectant).
3- Put your favourite music on: do not remain in silence, you'll feel isolated and get bored.
4- To avoid being distracted by other mess, take everything you need in one room (vacuum, cloths, etc) and stay in this room until you're finished.
5- Throw away! Nothing more gratifying than seeing a pile of bin liners full of stuff that used to clutter your home.
6- If you don't like dusting, keep ornament to a minimum: choose big ones (vases, etc) that are easy to clean. If you have shelves protected by glass, put your small ornaments in there.
7- If you're like me and you find it hard to throw some stuff away (they may be souvenirs or have a huge sentimental value in your heart but no place in your home) then use boxes. I have pretty boxes on some of my shelves: I either decorate them or buy some pretty ones. It is sober and tidy I have one for theatre programmes, etc.
8- You have a bad back, so don't put anything near the floor or you'll find it hard to move when you dust/vacuum. You might not even move it and leave to gether dust. In my home, there is nothing on the bottow shelves as my back often hurts. It makes cleaning so much easier.
9- I don't believe in cleaning timetables. If I know I HAVE to do something, I won't do it! Silly I know, but only very organised people can stick to a schedule, and it is definitely not me! I just do things when they need to be done, and believe or not, I don't spend that much time every day doing these little things. An example: this morning I woke up and threw away the wrappers Alex left in the lounge. Lounge tidy in 3 minutes Plus, timetables kill creativity!
10- Tess is again right: reward yourself! And, if it's your home and you feel like it, once you have decluttered and clean a room, why not give it a makeover?
11- In my experience, when a house is clean, people living in it are more likely to pick up after themselves. Your husband might not realise how he contributes to the mess. Maybe ask him to clean one room with you, putting his things in a pile, for him to realise.
12- Do you have any friends who can come and help? If I were near you, I'd come and help. Having a clean house turned my life around.
13- Cat litter tray: my parents use this litter that only need changing once a month, although you have to spot clean the poo once a day. It is biodegradable and goes in the compost.
14- Don't forget, do it for your health too, not just for your pets and husband. Think of yourself too, take care of yourself. It is good -and healthy- to be selfish from time to time.
You have your own cheerleading team on here Heady! We are right behind you, sending you positive vibes!!!

 

[Heady]

Oh my, I didn't think I would get so many responses! I just woke up (I fell asleep shortly after writing this and *just* woke up) and was happy to discover so many ideas you all have given me! I don't know where to start...I suppose a huge THANK YOU SO MUCH! would do!

Usually my apartment is "lived in" and I can deal with that. To me, lived in is a bit cluttered, mail here and there...etc... that I can deal with. I went to the website you posted, 2pigs, and I've been there before (one of my many late-night searches on "How do I clean/organize") but I didn't realize there was a babysteps section, which I will now be reading!

I frequently do the trash-bag-in-hand going room to room thing...it certainly helps! And I know once I'm feeling better, I will be doing just that! I have to say that I'm glad I'm not alone in this thing! Really...I always think everyone has so much control and what not and that there has to be something majorly wrong with me because I don't.

I'm not a big soda fan-diet or not. Lately I've been drinking ginger ale though. Makes my stomach feel a bit better. I'm curious as to why you asked though, Buddy, because soda (non-diet) is the ONLY thing my husband drinks.

I do get rid of stuff quite often, but then when stuff like this happens, it builds up. There was a lady that responded to an ad I posted on craigslist about all of this clothing I no longer wanted...she came and got it, and every time I had more stuff like that to get rid of, I would email her and she would come to get it. I need to do that again, soon, but I no longer live there, so now I have to find someone else. There are also things like...fake credit cards that come in my name and stuff like that that I put the the paper shredder before throwing them out. I have boxes full of this crap that needs to be thrown away, but now I can't find my paper shredder. My friend, Zach, is amazing at cleaning and organizing. And when he was living with us, it was wonderful because I had someone to help me clean. He would always tell me "When in doubt, throw it out" and I do that a lot now. I get so fed up with looking at things, that I throw them away.

I use natural cleaning products quite a bit, but still use chemical ones as well. I wanted to invest in 2 of those automatic cat boxes, but my worry is the cats will do their business directly on that rake thing that sweeps the box, so it's just easier to scoop them out every day.

I do need to do the "reward at the end" thing...it might work!!

I notice that when I really, really clean I feel SO much better internally as well. I like to have lots of light and fresh air and what not while doing it because it energizes me.

When the apartment is clean, the husband will clean up after himself quite well...for a couple of days. And then it stops. lol I don't have any friends that are near me that can help me...but I would feel weird asking them to help.

I think I know what cat litter tray you're talking about...I recently saw it and thought it sounded like a good idea. I'll have to look into it further!

Sorry if I didn't cover everything everyone said! I'm still in the process of waking up, but I wanted to thank you all anyway

I really appreciate all the support!!! And I will definitely be incorporating your ideas into my life!

 

[Buddy4]

I asked just out of curiosity, about the diet drinks. I have had friends drinking them who developed some weird symptoms that stopped when they stopped drinking the diet sodas.
Another reason to have a neat house is that you deserve it. I battle organization constantly, which is why I mentioned the fly lady web site. It is a free web site, and you wouldn't believe the information there. So motivational and easy to implement. Plus she has a way of making you feel good about yourself, no matter what your situation. Check it out!

 

[Heady]

Hmm...that's interesting to know! I know my mom-in-law shakes her finger at my husband for only drinking soda. She's a nurse that SHOULD be a doctor, but won't, unfortunately...so she is a wealth of medical info for us!

Well, thank you for thinking I deserve to have a clean house! That really does make me feel good! I did check up on the fly lady thing and will be checking on it every day!

I think part of it also has to do with my mental meds. Since I finally caved and started taking them (5 years ago), and they keep getting switched up until recently...I notice that they make me very, very tired and apathetic. So there are many days I find myself simply NOT caring.

Today, for example, I am feeling a bit better (physically). I have mad heart burn (the kind that stays between the bottom of my sternum, up to the back of my throat..and aches), but other than that, mentally, I'm doing pretty well and all that, so I'm hoping to start cleaning. But...I'm STUCK! I have no motivation (again), I feel really tired, but I'm not. I turned all the lights on, opened the blinds (my mood elevates if my apartment is really bright), I have a glass of cold coffee here and I just can't bring myself to do anything.

Maybe if I take my pills, I will not feel like this today...

 

[twiztedlilfae]

@Buddy I know what you mean about diet sodas being terrible for you! It's the aspartame in the drinks, I'd look up aspartame on google heady, and read some of that information, your husband might benefit from you doing so. I know that my dad drinks a ton of diet sodas since he's diabetic, and my mom does to, and I've been telling them since I was 15 that diet soda is BAD. I stay as far away from diet soda as I can! I think they switched to diet soda made with Splenda but I'm not sure. I'm not a fan of splenda either, I like stevia though.

Good luck Heady! You'll figure it out I'm sure. I'm still battling right now with my own organization. My roommate would cringe if she came home right now!

 

[Hawise]

Hey Heady! There is no point in taking care of your house before you're feeling good yourself. Do not force yourself, at least not at this stage when you have to declutter You could get ready though and make some lovely products! At the moment, I am using Cinnamon essential oil in my water/vinegar formula and it smells of Christmas!

 

[Heady]

Unfortunately, I know about aspartame. BOOOO! The husband does too...he would get lectured frequently by his mom when we lived back up there a few years ago. But it still won't stop him. He HATES diet anything, and that's why he drinks regular soda (Mt. Dew, specifically). I tried getting him to like flavored water (sans the aspartame) but it was a no-go.

It's funny you said your roommate would cringe if she came home...I cringe every time I walk in the door or wake up!

Hawise, your comment inspires a story. Almost 4 years ago, I went to my doctor because I had been gaining weight very quickly and didn't know why. She told me that I have more important things to take care of than my weight (mental things), so worry about the mental stuff first. It was about 5-6 months and I had gone from thin to fat (gained 100+ pounds). Later, it was found that it was because of all the meds I had started taking. Anyway, I worry that if I don't do something about it now, it won't get taken care of or it will get so much worse than it is right now. While I don't think it's possible to get any worse, I know that it can. You are completely right though...that I should wait until I'm feeling better because of waves of nausea and dizziness I get when I move seem to keep me from being able to properly clean. I think this is another time that I really need to push the husband to help me out.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of the essential oils!!! I have oils that I heat that make the apartment smell nice...are these essential oils? Can I use them, or should I look for something else? I adore your idea of using Cinnamon, considering it's a Christmas-y smell. You must tell me more!!

 

[Hawise]

Hey Heady! Just sent you a veeeery long PM (sorry ) about essential oils!

 

[KiwiCavyAdorer]

Hi Heady,
I am going to share some invaluable findings and a little story about me:-
I got on an aeroplane 10 years ago as a size 8, after 23 hours on board I was a size 18, I had to change out of my clothes and into my husbands spare change of clothes mid flight.

I stabilized for 3 weeks during out vacation, and boarded a size 18, 14 hours later I was a size 22. I went to medical specialist after specialist. Eventually one sent me to a homoeopath, who managed in 12 weeks to bring me down to a size 16. Then I plateau'd. I began to notice a reduction in the amount of life I could participate in. My muscles began to turn hard like wood. I could not drink plain water - I'd vomit it, but I could drink coffee so I did. I got progressively worse with heartburn and sleepiness, and I lost alot of care about stuff, just too tired to quickly. Eventually I could not physically clean a whole room. I was depressed and felt a bit hopeless, but I was also spending the time I could care - researching what might be wrong. I have turned my undiagnosable energy crisis around using SALINE.
Dr F Batmanghelidj wrote: Your Body's Many Cries for Water, you are not sick you are thirsty, how water and salt can cure 98% of all medical symptoms....
his site is (broken link removed) buy all of this books they are so cheap its fabulous. He reduces or reverses clinical depression using salt in water taken throughout the day. I started it in 2004 after slowly dying for 4 years.
Then I found Mona Vie, in 2009 and while my watercure drinks had given me energetic capacity for life back, my mona vie has changed my physical cells - all my back pain is gone, all my heartburn (its just a thirst signal) all my hardness is gone my muscles are soft and they function again, I am a size 12 now having done nothing but take Mona Vie gel packs. I find it hard to feel down. I took lots of Mona Vie, I mean HUGE amounts and I signed up as a distributor to get the best bulk discounts. I use it as a part of my daily menu along with the water cure saline. I am now an orthopedic hoofcare specialist; I bend and trim horses alot. I keep my own home and my own garden. I walk hours a day. I am alive thanks specifically to 2 simple things.

Our home is organic now, I use aromatherapy in hot water or soda crystals for greasy dirt, I use plain old bar sunlight soap for dishes and we eat sour dough bread,

My advice from my crisis is employ a cleaning team in the beginning. Pay to get someone in to handle the entire mess for you. Its easier to start small when you are so sick. Bring them in every few months if you have to while you get well again.
I had a cleaner come in once a week for the jobs that required bending and fiddling. It was so good! Now I don't need any of that; I've also adopted the idea of my house my body, cleaning is caring for your space and energy. But do it so it feels good to you, because you like the feeling and keep that focus.

All the very best to you, and do consider Dr B's simple saline cure, I thank him endlessly. If you are keen to get the Mona Vie let me know, and TAKE CARE of you! reaching out is a good step.

 

[KiwiCavyAdorer]

Hi Heady, I just read the entry you made about the bones in your spine and your vertabrae,

Carolyn McMakin is a Chiropractor who redesigned
Frequency Specific Micro Current technology
so if you are bleeding, there is a frequency that stops bleeding and so on - perhaps you want to look at that option... I know bioptron light therapy has worked with spinal fusions and operation sites in a remarkable way, so this FSM treatment is more specific by the research I've done about it so far. Its an idea anyway, and I thought I should say rather than keep quiet...