Cyber bullying: A letter to my little sister's bully

[KaileighRussell]

Hey guys!

I have found a ton of support within this group, not just for my guinea pig issues, but personally as well. Recently my little sister came forward asking for therapy due to almost crippling anxiety and depression - brought on by bullying. One girl in particular seems to be the main cause of all this bullying. The most recent was she was told to go kill herself over this past March break.

I've written her (the bully) a letter via blog - and I would really appreciate any sharing via social media or even just reading it as support. Now I'm not sure she'll even see it, although I have been told that she trolls my social media looking for mentions of my sister so I'm hopeful.

Thanks so much guys, as always you are just fantastic!

Please let me know if this breaks any rules or is not allowed.

 

[pinky]

Is this happening in school? I'd contact the school officials and file a complaint. I wouldn't personally contact the person. If it's really serious, file a police report and let them handle it. Schools should have counselors and social workers that can step in and take action. They also offer counseling to help your sister through it. There is no reason that anyone should have to tolerate bullying. If it's online, the bully could be subject to charges due to harassment. Let the professionals handle it.

 

[pinky]

The other thing I wanted to add is that if your sister has some close friends. ask them to stick around her to insulate her. Bullies usually prey on the kids who are vulnerable and don't have others around them. She's best off ignoring any comments from the bully but having others report what they have observed.... Get your parents involved.

 

[KaileighRussell]

The bully isn't in school anymore (she's graduated) and so the school has no grounds to step in at this point. My sister is getting professional help outside of the education system and is doing better with that.

Unfortunately, small town northern Ontario mentality - this type of bullying is ignored and brushed off as okay and we were told that she should "get over it". This bully doesn't work and spends all of her time on social media starting issues. Not only have I gone through it while I was in that school system, but the exact same thing is happening to my sister.

I'm not contacting the person, although I do hope this girl does get a chance to read the blog post. The professionals at this point are not handling it - so I'm doing my part to address this.

 

[Inle_Rabbit]

I recently closed down a lot of my social media. Life changing! I feel so free. I don't feel like I have to check my facebook while waiting for an appointment or anything like that. I don't worry about people I don't want to know what is going in my life, knowing what is going on in my life and best of all I don't have to listen to other people complain about their self made problems or read those picture posts with "life changing" quotes. I still have a facebook but I don't use it as social media more as a way to keep track of my play date group. Which I guess is social media but anyway.

Can your sister just block the person who is stalking her? I know on Facebook if you block the person even you post on a mutual friend's wall, the blocked person cannot read what you wrote. They can't see you, search for you, nothing. Basically you don't exist to them via their facebook. I'm not sure what other types of social media teens are on now days. I know all the IM services you can block someone. Worst case just change your log in name. Heck even on the art sites you can block people. If she has a smart phone she can block the phone number(s) the girl is using to text or call her. I believe there is even a way to block blocked number calls but I think only the iPhone does that. I'd need to read more on it first. Flicker, tumbler and other similar sites should also have a block or privet feature. You may need to do some research to make things fool proof since sites like that tend to want to share you and your info with the world and make it tricky to deal with but it should be possible.

I'm sorry this is happening to your sister but there may be ways to manage and insulate your sister from her aggressor if most of the attacks are coming via the internet and social media.

 

[R5 plus]

I read your blog. I am so sorry this happened to you and now to your sister. I definitely know what some of that feels like, but with social media it has intensified to insane proportions for the current generation.

I'm also sorry your community is so blaise about it. The facts are that it can affect people their whole lives.

It makes me sad to hear that it's a mother doing this - how is her child being affected?

Blogwise - I would shorten it. She probably won't read the whole thing - short attention span. Short, "sweet" and to the point. Will it help your sister? Idk. But it might help someone. It could make things worse for your sister, again, idk.

In my opinion (which may be wrong), if you want something like this to stop, you have to bring a lot of attention to it. It can't be just about your sister in the end (I know you know that). Maybe consider contacting a newspaper that is widespread in the community. Or some other form of media who will take bullying seriously. What about that girl in Indiana(?) who was bullied? Look at the media frenzy there.

Things probably won't change overnight. I'll keep it in prayer.

 

[RubyRain]

The only thing I would caution you on is giving the bully too much power/information over the situation. Knowing that she caused your sister all this anxiety is giving her power and she probably loves that. I would limit future dialogues with her if it comes to that because that will just validate her idea that she is controlling the situation.
It's sad and I'm so sorry your sister has had to endure this for so long and will deal with it for years to come. Wishing her peace.

 

[Inle_Rabbit]

I love Kim Komando here is her article on cyber bulling and what you can do to limit it in the online world.

Cyberbullies are after your kids - Tips, Reviews and Advice on All Things Digital - The Kim Komando Radio Show

 

[KaileighRussell]

That's why I went the blog route - I've focused a lot on bullying in the past and my social media is very centered around anti-bullying, anti-body shaming, anti-slut shaming. I've got a niche group of followers that relate and engage to that content.

Unfortunately for her, the majority of this isn't coming from social media - but in person or person to person contact with this bully and her words. I do feel terrible for this bully because she just exists in a bubble of anger. She's going through baby-daddy issues and her personal social media is just a toxic place of hate towards that man. @RubyRain - I debated actually bringing to light my sister's issue of anxiety. I asked her permission to use that personal information and share it because more people relate to poor mental health as a result of bullying. I think it's incredibly pertinent especially (as was stated) the countless stories of bullying-related suicide, I mean there are so many you can just take your pick at which example to use.

I feel like blogs and social media are great ways to make content available to people worldwide - I definitely have tailored all my social media around that, which is where I feel comfortable addressing issues from. I know that sounds like I'm hiding behind a keyboard - but that's why all my posts and my social media have my name attached to them in some way. I never want people to think I'm hiding behind a computer screen and anonymous face because I write via a blog.

 

[Varcoda]

i find that an effective way to counter bullying is simply to fight back. not to encourage violence, but bullies will continue to pick on people who don't resist. as rubyrain said, giving information would just make that person feel like she's in power. but if your sister shows on her social media sites how happy and free she is, that bully will get bored and go away i think!

i'm sorry your sister is suffering from that person, and i hope she will back off soon!

 

[KaileighRussell]

She will.
It's going to the get to the point where I'm hoping this girl realizes how absolutely unhappy is and moves to be a positive role model for her daughter. I mean, her daughter is young enough now that she's not taking in all of this negativity and understanding it. Her daughter was born with a facial deformity and it just blows my mind that instead of trying to treat people well and being comfortable in your own skin she's going to teach her daughter that the bullies win and are better.

I just feel so sorry for her. I can't imagine being that angry with the world, I mean sometimes people suck - but they shouldn't treat people like that.

 

[R5 plus]

I just feel so sorry for her. I can't imagine being that angry with the world, I mean sometimes people suck - but they shouldn't treat people like that.

My husband had a boss like that once. I felt (and still feel) so sad for her. She had to be so miserable to treat her employees the way she did (she retired).

 

[KaileighRussell]

My husband had a boss like that once. I felt (and still feel) so sad for her. She had to be so miserable to treat her employees the way she did (she retired).

It's just so sad - as much as you want to smack the stuffin out of them you just want to give them a hug because they're just so miserable. And I mean, she's 18 years old - she hasn't been around long enough to be that absolutely bitter about life.

 

[madelineelaine]

I went through this for years too, when I was in elementary. Even now, almost done highschool, I still can't cope and I still need therapy for issues that have nearly cost my life.

I can say this, go to the police. Bullying of ANY kind is illegal in ontario now, to my knowledge.

That is completely ridiculous. I have never understood why anyone could ever tell someone to kill themselves. and maybe it's my past speaking, but I do anything and everything I can to give people in need a big hug and remind them that I'm living proof it gets better.

 

[R5 plus]

On a positive note, I do think it gave my hubby the kick in the butt he needed. He'd been miserable in his job for years, and the bullying motivated him to move into a position that he really enjoys now. It's really hard to see that when one is in the thick of it though.

 

[pinky]

I absolutely disagree with responding back, writing a blog or fighting back. Your blog sounds like you're really agitated and that's exactly what a bully wants. It will motivate her to continue because she knows she's struck a nerve. Stop her legally. There should be harassment laws where you live. One of my kids was bullied and we got the school involved and got him counseling to help him handle it. The one thing the counselor stressed was to not engage the bully. Have a strong network of friends or family to support you but ignore it. If what she's doing is confined to the internet, don't read it. If you do and it crosses the line, report it to the police and press charges. This person might draw you in resulting in you crossing the line and you could end up being prosecuted.

 

[Megaredize]

I agree theres a lot of schools here in Ontario that dont care, they have the "no tolerance" rule but NEVER inforce it. My fiance was picked on ALL the time when he was little. he got beat up by 3 other boys and the school told his parents it was HIS fault for not "fitting in" needless to say he changed schools. I was always just verbally bullied which i guess i handled well or at least well enough. It is the verbal abuse which is harder to punish or get to stop at least. I dunno i know if i was a teacher i would call the parents and tell them to fix it or their child can stay at home. Just like the poor teachers who get sworn at by teens in high school those kids should be expelled. No teacher should have to put up with that.

 

[KaileighRussell]

I think that this is an important message to push forward @pinky and blog space is where I put myself forward. I think that keeping quiet and solely relying on a system that is failing is not enough, I think we need to empower and push for change. I agree that engaging a bully through insults and antagonizing is wrong - which is why stressed throughout the blog that I am not angry and with all respect intended I feel that was put forth repeatedly. What I am is disgusted and disappointed and I believe that that needs to be put across. I could have written a blog calling her names, telling her how terrible she was of a person and so forth - but that's no different than what she does.

I think that sitting quietly in the corner and hoping the police or schools make the problems go away is only part of the solution. The other part is speaking out, not allowing this to continue and making people aware. Maybe Illinois is stricter with their bullying policy than Ontario but I believe definitely that there is not a current system in place that protects youth from bullying.

 

[Megaredize]

I completely agree with you

 

[pinky]

I think that this is an important message to push forward @pinky and blog space is where I put myself forward. I think that keeping quiet and solely relying on a system that is failing is not enough, I think we need to empower and push for change. I agree that engaging a bully through insults and antagonizing is wrong - which is why stressed throughout the blog that I am not angry and with all respect intended I feel that was put forth repeatedly. What I am is disgusted and disappointed and I believe that that needs to be put across. I could have written a blog calling her names, telling her how terrible she was of a person and so forth - but that's no different than what she does.

I think that sitting quietly in the corner and hoping the police or schools make the problems go away is only part of the solution. The other part is speaking out, not allowing this to continue and making people aware. Maybe Illinois is stricter with their bullying policy than Ontario but I believe definitely that there is not a current system in place that protects youth from bullying.

I agree that pushing for change is critical. Push for legislation change or file a police report and convey that message to them. Your blog is being communicated to the bully which empowers them more. I would imagine that you'd rather diffuse the situation and get it stop rather than inciting a person who might be capable of far worse things.