Just a childs pet?

I'm autistic and have severe anxiety and depression.
Right now I am in the process of receiving an autism service dog

My life has just been one big snowball of misfortune. Many people in our family have disorders such as schizophrenia and alcoholism. A lot of them can be abusive. My father was physically abusive to my mom and my sister but only mentally to me and my other sisters. He died when I was four from cirrhosis after basically drinking himself to death.
But I'm not here to complain. I'm going to help you lighten up a little. I'm going to help ME lighten up a little.

Having autism means I also self harm when I get frustrated. I head bang and bite myself and punch myself and scratch my hands. At the time I can't feel it that well. But I realize later what I've done through bruises (which I have to cover), headaches, and red marks.

I've thought about ending it a lot. Here, everyone yells. It's too much sensory information for an autistic. I often spend most of my time in my room. Meltdowns happen in here a lot. I've been to a mental hospital three times now. The first was due to aggression (because my sister provoked me) but the rest were because of nothing. I've also had the police called on me twice (I was never, ever violent).

I want you to know I'm here for you. I'm proud of who you are and even prouder to call you my friend.
You see, we met because of our love for piggies. Without them we wouldn't know each other's stories. My piggies...I consider them my ties. My ties to this world. My sister neglected her piggy, so she's mine now. She has a dark history like me. It makes me love her more. They lick me if I'm sad. They make me laugh with their snuggles when I'm crying. And how can you stay angry when there's a piggy screaming with you? I wouldn't be here without my pigs.

Find peace someday soon, all right? I'm rooting for you <3

Oh man. I've only read 3 pages, you are all so wonderful. @RodentCuddles, at a young age you have shown the world how amazing you are, the work you do, your photography; Keep going.
I can only wholeheartedly agree with what all of you here are saying. Whether you believe or not, God is on your side, Jesus loves you unconditionally & without recrimination. Life is precious & fragile. Don't let anyone & anything try to hold you back or stop you from it. They do not have the right to pull you into their darkness.
Arohanui, kia kaha

Oh man. I've only read 3 pages, you are all so wonderful. @RodentCuddles, at a young age you have shown the world how amazing you are, the work you do, your photography; Keep going.
I can only wholeheartedly agree with what all of you here are saying. Whether you believe or not, God is on your side, Jesus loves you unconditionally & without recrimination. Life is precious & fragile. Don't let anyone & anything try to hold you back or stop you from it. They do not have the right to pull you into their darkness.
Find a few affirmations that lift you up, give you confidence & encouragement & speak, yes out loud!, every day as often as you need to.
Arohanui, kia kaha

What a lovely herd and setup you have!

It's very easy to get stuck in a downward spiral, and can be very hard to get out of it.. I've battled with mild to moderate depression off and on for at least 10 years. The past couple years now I've finally kicked the antidepressants/anti-anxiety drugs. Positive thinking is your best friend when trying to deal with depression and obviously is way easier said than done. These are a few things I have tried doing that I think in the long run have helped me progress along a more positive track.

I like to try to meditate and focus on my chakras while doing so; there's some pretty good guided meditations you can listen to on youtube, be is for chakra balancing, or just for uplifting your mood. Or you could try listening to brainwave/binural beat 'music' while you do cleaning or before you fall asleep at night. The sound frequencies are said to help release certain chemicals in your brain to help you feel a certain way. It takes no work at all
I have links to some of the youtube videos I like to use to help me feel better. I will share them, look if it interests you (these are my playlists):




Vision boards are fun to do, if you enjoy crafts. Think of a theme that you want your board to be about; if there is a goal you want to achieve such as a job you want to get into, or just have your board be full of positive motivating words and pictures to help you feel more empowered. Grab some old magazines and a piece of poster board and cut out words or pictures pertaining to your theme and make a collage. The act of making it and cutting out positive things feels good, and when you are done you have something positive to focus your eyes on.

I made some cards with positive affirmations on them.. Look at one card each day and have it be your mantra for the day, or go through all of them and focus on each one and have it be your meditation for the day. I have cards that say things like "I have everything I need", "my energies are positive", or "my body is sacred". You can make cards that say anything you need to hear or feel. For me, seeing something written down or writing it down is more powerful.

Do you have any interests in anything besides animals? Since I have realized my interest in aromatherapy, herbs and making my own natural homemade house hold products/toiletries it has really uplifted my spirits since I feel like I always have something I can do or learn about in regards to those interests. I've almost never had interests before so I think that's played a big part in my feeling crappy a lot. Photography is something you could definitely look into more as others have mentioned. I have a pinterest page with a bunch of photography links on it if you are interested:


And talking to a councellor is seriously beneficial. The third time I wound up at the hospital for my anxiety attacks they got me to see the phsyc nurse who referred me to a 'brief treatment' councellor. I get to see him a total of 6 or 8 times.. which isn't much, but I get to call him up and make an appointment for whenever I feel really crappy and a get to see him for free. He has been so helpful and has given me great advice. Even if he has nothing new to tell me, it still feels good to say things out loud, get stuff of your chest or just cry and release some horrible energy.

Spending time with my animals have always made me feel better as well. They are probably one of the best anti-depressants there is
If you are interested in anything else I have mentioned or if you want any other links to things I have lots of random stuff I won't fill your thread with more stuff though as I am totally off guinea pig topic.
Anyways, hope you feel better soon. Never give up on yourself, your life is an amazing gift, you just have to see it in the right light.

@RodentCuddles So sorry to hear your felt your life so worthless that you wanted to take your own life. I'm 48 and have struggled with chronic major depression and anxiety all my life. When I was young, in those days and sometimes nowdays, it's in your head and just think positive. I've been on meds for years and meds alone won't cut it. You have to enlist in cognitive behavioral therapy. 2 years ago I hit rock bottom big time and was sent to the ER after trying to take my life. Thankfully a few days before I felt the down hill spiral and took my 2 green cheek conures to my avian vet telling her to take good care of them and I can't right now. She said she would take good care of them until I was able to take care of them properly. For a year or more prior, they weren't getting stellar care, just basic needs met. I felt horrible for them but they did keep me from tanking sooner.

I was sent to a psych hospital and wound up being there for a week. They adjusted my meds but more importantly came the cognitive behavioral therapy that was mandatory to go through one on one and groups before they let you go. I was 1 week inpatient and 6 weeks day patient. The ONLY therapy that really helps and makes sense is cognitive behavioral therapy, no other kind. I highly recommend you seek this in your area. I have cut seeing my family because of their just think positive thing- I wish that's all it was but for many, it isn't. The fact that you did something serious is the last call before something worse. Life doesn't get easier, and sorry to say, it gets harder the older you get. So don't wait until you get around my age before you get professional help. The younger you get treated and on your way, the better it will be and easier.

I agree that pets are great therapy. I'm pretty much alone and have my gp who is my lifeline. I love her so much that I can't imagine not being around all her life.

Best wishes and take care of yourself for only you can, no one else can. Seek proper help now.

@Alexis Marie That's great you kicked the meds! I'm happy for you. However I caution anyone to just do it. Before I fell apart badly, I decided it's been awhile that life is good and I feel good. So I and my pcp set off to get me off meds. It was the worst decision ever. I happen to be one with chronic depression and anxiety that needs meds for the rest of my life. I have brain chemical issues, not just life issues. So I caution anyone to consult with your psychiatrist (if I had one they would never have let me get off of it) before setting out to do so. It took me 2 years to get back to "normal" and even then, it's not the same as before I did this.

I got really annoyed at a friend of mine at my old school...she said it's all my fault and I just need to think happy and I'll be fine.

I love taking pictures of the animals...to capture a glimpse of their personality in something that'll never fade is just amazing. I love to just sit and watch...I take nearly 100 photos each time I turn on my camera...I end up with only a couple pictures that I like..but so what? It's not time wasted...It's so nice just sitting and watching...
Here are some pictures I took the other day...



And for some reason it isn't letting me post the other 3 pictures I wanted to share...so links to them:

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Don't they all just have such wonderful personalitys...well at least I think I can see it in their faces.

RodentCuddles said:

I got really annoyed at a friend of mine at my old school...she said it's all my fault and I just need to think happy and I'll be fine.

I love taking pictures of the animals...to capture a glimpse of their personality in something that'll never fade is just amazing. I love to just sit and watch...I take nearly 100 photos each time I turn on my camera...I end up with only a couple pictures that I like..but so what? It's not time wasted...It's so nice just sitting and watching...
Here are some pictures I took the other day...

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And for some reason it isn't letting me post the other 3 pictures I wanted to share...so links to them:

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Don't they all just have such wonderful personalitys...well at least I think I can see it in their faces.

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You have a genuine talent my dear! Don't ever lose sight of that. As someone who teaches performance and media, I can tell you that you could be putting those talents to financial gain. Seriously, taking 100 photos of one subject is not uncommon and is expected of any professional photographer. You have an artistic insight which allows you to discern which pictures tell the story you want to share about your subject.

Have you ever considered starting a webpage, portfolio or blog with your work? Or reaching out to other friends, family, businesses etc...who might want their 'picture' taken either as the subject or of their animals? Or perhaps offer your services on a volunteer basis at your local shelter to help 'advertise' their animals that are up for adoption...you capture their personality so well you would help others see the value in that animal and might help them get adopted. Sometimes being engaged in other activities that helps others, also helps bring out a certain altruism in us that can trigger the seratonin reactors in our brains to help stimulate a feeling of joy within ourselves.

Another subject to consider photographing might of others, or perhaps yourself, who suffer from depression...sometimes giving them (and yourself) a chance to capture your current state can help others understand what is happening...as well as give yourself an 'outsiders' perspective of what is being communicated so you can also understand their difficulty in dealing with what you are going through. Might consider talking with a local therapist to see if there might be an interest in that...Isn't it interesting how we are quick to capture weddings, birthdays etc...on film...but are much more reluctant to capture saddness or depression or despair...these are part of being human too. These are very powerful images that can educate us and help reach out to us...

You are right to feel frustrated with your friend...depression etc...is not a mood...it is a chemical condition in the brain that has to be treated with good therapy, awareness, support, and often times meds. It has taken us several rounds of meds to finally get the right 'cocktail' for my son to work through his OCD thoughts. It is much harder for a teenager to work through their thoughts on their own without some kind of med to help build those bridges back to the brain.

My apologies if my teacher-maternal instincts came out too strong here...but I really believe you have a gift that I hope you will consider sharing with an even broader audience one day...if that is not your goal...then no worries...just keep sharing your wonderful abilities with those you feel comfortable doing so with. But just always know, that you heard it from a professional in this business...you got it kiddo.

I am sending you good thoughts, @RodentCuddles You are a beautiful person! I have so much respect for you and everything you do to help animals. All of us on the forum are always here to listen if you ever need! Don't give up; you have to keep pushing through the snow storm, because there is always light at the end!

@RodentCuddles You need to find friends who don't question your issues and care as well. There are friends I have who don't understand and say stupid things so I don't talk to them about my issues. They are just for fun. Then I have a couple friends who while don't truly understand because they aren't in my shoes, do try to understand and lend their love and support. These are the true friends. I don't see my family who live 1/2 hour from me much anymore because their thoughts have caused me to want to pull back. Get rid of the negatives including friends who do you no good and fill your life with positives and things that make you happy. Your photography and love of animals is positive and good for you. Find some friends who bring you up no matter what, and hang on to them.

Thanks @NursePiggy ...I enjoy taking the pictures
And yup! Its a hay rack at the end....takes no space from the herd!

RodentCuddles Your take great pictures. Keep up the great work

RodentCuddles said:

Thanks @NursePiggy ...I enjoy taking the pictures
And yup! Its a hay rack at the end....takes no space from the herd!

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Wow, that is some set up! You need to let us in on how you made that. I saw another thread discussing hayracks and I think you have created something many would want to emulate. Time to spill the beans on that creative ingenuity of yours!

Also, what kind of camera do you use to take your pictures? Have you ever had a professional photographer look at your photographs? Have you considered majoring in Art/photography/Commericial Art in college?

Haha....might show how I did the hay rack when I have time.
A Canon EOS 1100D

I in fact use to want to grow up and have a job with wild life photography...even now that would be a dream...To take pictures of Tigers, Sharks or any pure wild animal would just make me the happiest person in the world.

I had an happy moment just before as the rescue's fb page now has 451 likes! Nearly at 500!

Everyone has put all my thoughts and feelings into much better words than I could have, but I just wanted to add in my support and love. If you're feeling anxious about telling your mother, you could write her a note instead? I love the idea of the photo board filled with pictures that motivate you to think positively. You could put your favourite pictures of your guinea pigs around the house, so if you have another tough moment, they might shock you out of it enough to get help. You could get them printed professionally, so they look like photo prints from an art gallery, or laid onto canvas blocks. And you can always message me! And post here for support.

I'm so angry at your 'friend'. She's wrong. About as wrong as saying to a cancer sufferer- "Oh well, that's your own fault isn't it, obviously you should have eaten healthier and exercised more". You have a real condition, and need treatment as much as anyone with a physical illness. I'm sorry that not everyone understands that . But I promise, life does get better as you get through teenage years. Don't loose hope <3

Lots of love,
Marisa

Edit: Congrats on the facebook milestone! Slowly getting the message out to kiwis about appropriate guinea pig care and C&C cages!

Hehe...Panther was asleep on my lap so I took some pictures!

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I LOVE the second one! And that's saying something, cause I'm not really a cat person (blasphemy to your ears, I know ).

@Piggy_ OH MY GOSH.
I must make you into a cat person. I have grown up with cats all my life so that's probably why my love for them is so strong and I have no fears of them at all.
While after being attacked by a dog I have a fear of dogs which I'm trying to lose by going up on the off leash dog hill and making myself be around dogs...though I'm scared to my wits of them...I know i never use to be and I don't want to be.

Not sure what pic the second one was but I posted this one of the fb page because he just looks like a zoombie!!

Yes! That pic!!

Haha, I'm the total opposite! Even though my nana had a cat, that was the only pet I had contact with growing up other than my budgie (though not for lack of trying to convince the parents... ). But I loooove dogs, they're so super happy and just high energy and excitement ! Think guinea pig popcorning bundled up into one animal. Though if you don't know a dog they can be a bit scary and growl etc (but every time a dog has growled at me it was just bluffing, so that I knew how 'tough' it was xD). But I've never been attacked by one, so I can understand it would be hard to build up that trust with unfamiliar dogs again. Especially with all the bull mastif/terrier attacks that crop up in the news. I have to admit, unless I know the owner, I will keep well away from unfamiliar dogs of that breed.

I guess I just don't like the moody-ness of cats. If they're not in the mood to be pet and you accidentally do then 'SWAT', they have no hesitation in scratching xD They also all seem to run away from me when I try to pat them. Or if I pick them up to sit on my lap they sprint off as soon as they can. So maybe the issue is that cats don't like me, rather than I'm not a cat person! haha