Getting Along disappointed and worried

[jacqueline]

so it seems for the past couple days there has been some tension around people's responses to posts - worries about sounding too harsh, scaring newbies away, etc. i posted, as tactfully as i could, a response, or opinion, about a post and felt like i had my hand slapped by a post that followed. i understand how important it is to try and be tactful, and diplomatic, and to not be harsh and judgemental, but now i'm afraid to post anything that contains an opinion that might be different from someone else's. i would hope that we all do the best we can in trying to make our point kindly, but our opinions do differ, and when they do, it isn't about being provocative, or judging. when i post a different opinion, i try to be especailly careful. but really, we ought to be able to post our perspectives, opinions thoughts, etc, without being called to task and told we shouldn't be so harsh.

i'm sure there are times, when even with the best of efforts, our posts (my posts) may come across differently than intended. i feel like i have to be soooo careful about how i word things, even now, because i'm afraid someone will take offense. it really makes it hard to want to post responses, because i'm worried about how someone else will take what i said, even if i meant it well.

i'm not sure that made any sense at all. i just needed to vent because i'm disappointed and confused about how to respond, and how to handle when my opinions differ from others, and vice-versa. AND because i've been trying hard to be diplomatic and tactful, and still things get taken in ways they weren't intended. oh, well... maybe i'm just being too sensitive. thanks for listening.

 

[MissJean]

The internet is never without some scuffles.We're all different people and age groups. We can only try to follow the rules and posting guidelines as best we can.

 

[Wildcavy]

I've found your comments useful. I understand what you are saying, but I suspect the mods would PM you if you were really doing anything out of line rather than just saying something to you in a thread. I could be wrong of course.

The irony is that the responses I've gotten in the past, when I was complaining about what I perceived to be hostility or snippiness, were to stop being so sensitive, it's the Internet!lol

 

[jowasaurus]

There was a previous thread about this a few months ago:
https://www.guineapigcages.com/forum/cafe/68885-little-hesitant-about-posting-sorry.html

It seemed a few of the more active members generally felt the same way, but were unable to come up with specific examples [which is what the moderators were asking for]

Towards the end of the thread, Teresa said something that has kind of stuck with me:

We won't be backing off of the big three from a tolerance point of view. And by tolerance, I mean, posts that advocate against those positions (aside from intro posts) are fair to be questioned and challenged --- AS POLITELY AS POSSIBLE.

From my viewpoint, I guess as long as it's not in the Introduce Yourself! part of this forum, then as members, it's kind of our job to advocate what this site stands for the best we can. I feel like if the majority of the people are replying in a polite way it shouldn't be seen as some sort of attack. Yes, things are going to be repeated again and again because that's what happens in a forum! I believe I know which thread most of us are talking about and I too didn't think it was as bad as said, but like stated in other threads, we're all individuals with different opinions and we're allowed to type them.
So as long as it's not in an introduction, go for it.
?!

 

[jacqueline]

thanks for all our responses. it may be a quirk of my own, but i happen to love a good "debate" and feel stimulated by other opinions and perspectives. there is a line between putting your perspective out there, and telling someone else that their perspective is wrong. i make it a point to not tell someone else they're wrong - lord knows i don't live inside their skin and everyone has the right to their own decisions. at work, we're fond of saying that everyone has the right to make their own decisions - even "bad" decisions! i guess the art is to express your view after someone else expresses theirs and either not have it sound like an "attack" or not have it perceived as an "attack." unfortunately, the only thing i can control is to do my best to not have my view sound like an attack. i can't be responsible for how others perceive it - though it does make me anxious and upset when others, who don't know me (at all or well), perceive my views as attacking or harmful or mean.

 

[CritterLuvva]

I believe I know what you are referring to. I apologize if I sounded harsh, it was not at all my intention. We were effectively saying the same thing, just in different ways. Again, I apologize about any hard feelings that have may have been caused. I'm working on how to say things too.

 

[jacqueline]

@CritterLuvva - no worries -nothing you said upset me - i do appreciate your thoughtfulness and willingness to apologize - even if there's really nothing to apologize for! and so, on we go, finding our way as best as we can. . .

 

[loveskittles]

Just coming from a newbie.. I don't post most times.. but I do read alot of the post.. I am still finding my way around group.. IT is very clear we have lot's of differant age group's here and every one dose have an opinion of there own... But I sit back see what every one has to say, and then come up with a rute tine or a situation that will fit my life and still make my piggie happy..

I also look at it like this.. ...( a good group is like a close family) every christmas an aunt emma or an uncle cliff will come over and say something to up set one person.. but we still love them dearly..

but that is just my opinion..

 

[CritterLuvva]

@loveskittles That's sweet. Thank you very much! Your opinion is appreciated.

I'm also still a newby. I'll achieve a new rank on May 16th or 17th! (However this site changes statuses, I'm not sure. ) I'm looking forward to being considered a Cavy Slave. I think it'll also be funny that a Cavy "Slave" doesn't yet have cavies!

 

[CrazyMom]

There was a previous thread about this a few months ago:
https://www.guineapigcages.com/forum/cafe/68885-little-hesitant-about-posting-sorry.html

It seemed a few of the more active members generally felt the same way, but were unable to come up with specific examples [which is what the moderators were asking for]

Towards the end of the thread, Teresa said something that has kind of stuck with me:

I was the person that started that post. I still feel a little iffy about if I should have done it or not. But I feel like I learned a few go things about how people operate here.

One thing I notice the last couple of days is I think there have been a few people trying to start trouble (completely new and not regulars) I look at is as this, if you have time to post, you have time to look around. I won't even respond to posts that seem so far off of this forums philosophy that it is silly. Is that what they call "trolls"?

 

[CritterLuvva]

:?: Wait a sec, I thought I was the culprit. Hmmm.

What thread is being discussed here? Now I'm totally confused. :?:

 

[Petlovr]

One thing I notice the last couple of days is I think there have been a few people trying to start trouble (completely new and not regulars)

I've noticed that, too. Yes, they are "Trolls". I know I can come off as abrupt, and make an effort to modulate my "tone" so that I don't come off as harsh. I just had my hand slapped by a mod, and it made me angry. I try so hard to be supportive, and offer info I've found, then I got criticized for being judgemental. I have no problem reporting a post if I'm not sure about the content or poster; I'd rather leave it up to someone with more info and experience. I think if you're old enough to post, you are old enough to read and understand the rules to posting. Several new people have been scared away by people repeating the same info at them instead of beinging careful, and makes me angry. Now these new people won't have the resources and support of this site if something happens to thier pig. When discussions start getting heated, I usually PM the person. I've had better results talking to someone that way, esp. if they've misunderstood a post of mine.

P.S. Pet ownership is a sensitive subject to begin with, and I think we all like this forum enough to be possesive/protective of it. I think that's why some threads get heated.

 

[seida]

Several new people have been scared away by people repeating the same info at them instead of beinging careful, and makes me angry.

Just as a new person who has lurked a lot and watched a lot, I agree with this. There is a lot of people repeating exactly the same thing over and over (at the same person) and while I know people are just trying to be helpful (and think it will make the person take more notice) actually it usually comes across as condescending and slightly aggressive. Again, I know that's not the intent and everyone just has the pigs' interest at heart, but that's my impression.

 

[mufasa]

To me, it's all about educating people, and you close their mind, and even scare them away, if you come at them to strong. They need to have an open miind in order to learn, and they're probably at least halfway receptive or they wouldn't be here or take the time to register.

I try to stick to facts and examples (and goodness knows my Mufasa experience gives me a great example when I advise people against pet store piggies) rather than being accusatory or saying, "You must do this." I'd rather strike a tone of, "This is a good idea because..." or "You might want to consider this because..." People want to come to a decision on their own rather than feeling forced. You can't change everyone's mind, but you can reach many, many people. I know because I'm one of them; I'd never have known about adoption if I didn't come here, and Borat and Amy are with me because of it.

 

[Petlovr]

To me, it's all about educating people, and you close their mind, and even scare them away, if you come at them to strong. They need to have an open miind in order to learn, and they're probably at least halfway receptive or they wouldn't be here or take the time to register.

Exactly. Which is why the BIG YELLOW BOX is at the top of the page in the newbie forum. Yet people just ignore that, and start right in. Grrr!

 

[MissJean]

I know when I first got here I got into a huge argument with people about my pigs, since they came from a petstore. Entirely my fault the arguments started. I was being stubborn in my way of thinking.

I still *lurked* here,though. Obviously I recognized this as being one of the best sources of information and I wanted the best for my pets. So while I agree we( me too) need to pay mind to the yellow box's outlines, sometimes there's still hope the person is secretly hanging around. I can also see why it's incredibly frustrating for people here when new people come in, we politely give them advice, and they still won't follow it. I've seen some horrible threads of people throwing guinea pigs off balcony's and refusing them vet care, among other things. It's a harsh reality that some folks come to these forums with no intentions of going beyond a certain standard of care they have set for their pets.

Everyone screws up. I've ignored the yellow box a few times, I can't turn back time, so I just try to learn from it and move on. I'll probably mess up my wording in the near future, too!