Guilt of euthanizing my piggie is killing me

[Ragamuffin]

Hello, all. I am new here and grateful for a forum to vent my sadness. I'm hoping someone else has experienced this and maybe could share their views.

My sis moved out and abandoned her piggie, Sallie, and two cats here with my mother and me. I became the caretaker of all of them, including a fourth cat, who is mine. The cost and time involved in caring for four animals had finally taken it's toll and I could no longer afford it. I can't get any help from sis and mom helps with what little she can.

Sallie, the beautiful girl piggie, was at least 6 yrs. old, possible 7 and I had her put to sleep on Thursday after a long and painful decision. I also had to tell my family I could no longer care for all the cats on my own. With my own debts, working far from home, and a very stressful full-time job, I'm left with little energy or money at the end of the day.

Sallie was a joy to be around. I feel guilty at not knowing what piggies needed for many years, but I learned as I went along, and finally, she had a nice big cage, and fresh food, hay, water of course, and lots of love. But being gone 11 hours a day isn't fair to her. And my family is no help in keeping her company. She also never got along with other piggies. She had a permanent "head tilt" from some type of neurological problem since birth as well.

She came down with what turned out to be bubblefoot on one foot very bad, and starting on her two back feet several months ago. I didn't know that the bedding and urine can cause this, as well as her weight and inactivity. So, after much veterinary help and many, many hours of care, she was getting all better. I even made piggie socks to wear at night and protect her feet. Changed her bedding, which was now blankets, towels, soft clothes, etc., two to three times a day, and cleaned it in between. She became a happy, healthy, piggie, but I could no longer afford the upkeep and energy it takes to care for these four animals all by myself.

I noticed that her one foot was starting to get sore again, and her urine was dark, not bloody, but very dark. I just couldn't afford more vet bills. I also refused to give her to someone who wouldn't care for her properly, after all she'd been through with me learning the proper methods. And a piggie rescue just seemed useless since no one will want to adopt a 6 yr old piggie. Everyone wants young ones since they only live to be 7 or so.

As hard as it was, I decided to put her to sleep, knowing she had a good long life with someone, finally, who loved her and will always remember her. I couldn't bare the thought of someone taking her and not loving her as much, neglecting her like my sister did, and her missing me all the time.

I am now just drowning in guilt. I can't stand the quiet in the basement where we lived together. No squeeking for her fruits in the morning or banging her hay holder to get the hay to drop out. I know in the end it was the best for her, but it's killing me.

Thank you for letting me vent my sadness here.

Ragamuffin

 

[Ly&Pigs]

Sorry it took so long to get your post approved. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[vicky2]

I feel so bad. At least you don't have to worry about her getting sores anymore. She's happy now and that's all that matters.

 

[pigsmakemesmile]

I couldn't imagine how hard it was to make that decision. I also know it's so difficult to draw the line between quality of life vs quantity. I felt you gave her the quality of life she deserved and being as old as she was and peeing dark urine could of meant her old age had finally caught up to her. One of my pigs passed away last summer....I'm still grieving over him and today....the roses I planted overtop of his grave where he's buried are beginning to bloom. I can feel your sadness. It's hard to loose someone/animal friend we love. I have 5 boys that I truly just adore, yet dread the day when they pass on...for this reason, I cherish each moment I spend with them. Sometimes I feel guilty for not spending enough time due to my work schedule...so I can relate to your being gone most of the time and feeling guilty over it. I believe that people and animals come into our lives for a reason, not by chance. I feel God gave me my boys to take care of for a reason he only knows. Your piggy may have passed but her new life has just begun in a place that is warm and filled with love.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
God Bless

 

[Froggirl009]

We just had to get our dog put to sleep. And it really is heartbreaking. I am very sorry for your loss. :hug:

 

[SheriMartini]

Sometimes the most compassionate thing to do is let them go. You gave her a good life, and that is what is really important.

 

[Ragamuffin]

Thank you all for the kind postings you have made since I posted this. I still miss her everyday, but as I see the remaining animals needing different levels of care that I also can't afford, I know it was the right thing to do. I have to take my own cat in for dental treatment soon, and it's expensive. The other two cats, not legally mine, also need their teeth done, but I can't afford that.

I was able to donate all her piggie things to a friend's son, who happened to find an abandoned piggie outside his apartment, thin and scared in an old cage, someone just tossed away. He rescued it, and now has an enormous cage, hidey houses, water bottles, lots and lots of blankets, towels, cloths, and everything a piggie needs. I even gave them the leftover pellets and hay. They don't have much money either, but couldn't let the poor thing sit outside in the stairwell and die. So Sallie's life mattered in some way.

Someday, I"ll get another piggie, but only from a rescue. And I'll take an older one. I won't mind. Sallie would like that. I wish she could have played with other piggies, but my sister said she fought with them really bad when she put them together. I still think she longed for another animal's interaction, because sometimes she would sleep outside her hidey house, at the end of her cage where my one cat would curl up. So the only thing seperating them was the small colorplast wall of the cage. They could see each other, but I never let the cats into her cage. She did, however, run around the bed with them and never seemed scared of them.

Anyway, thanks for all the kind messages. I know you all understand the sadness I feel as the summer gets warmer and sunnier, and I miss my piggie.
Ragamuffin

 

[Res Judicata]

I am so sorry to hear about Sallie. But she was lucky to have someone who cared so much about her. I adopted an older pig, too, and she was such a sweetheart. It sounds like Sallie was as well.