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Thread: Judging others?

  1. #1
    Cavy Slave madelineelaine's Avatar
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    Judging others?

    This is kind of one of those posts where I just ramble on looking for opinions. I'm wondering if there's anyone on here who's 'alternative', although I'm not exactly sure what to label it as.

    I'm just really irritated about something. I was getting my hair done the other day and my hair dresser started 'picking' on my piercings, telling me they're stupid etc. She basically belittled me because of how I want too look and it really upset me.

    I have my ears stretched to a 2g, I have 3 lobe in my left ear and 2 lobe, tragus and middle cartilage in my right ear. I dyed the underside of my hair purple. I want to get tattoos when I'm older, and more piercings.

    I know people judge based on looks, it just upsets me because whose to say I'm a bad person, irresponsible, unintelligent based on the holes in my ears?

    Sure I listen to 'different' music and do 'different' things. That hair dresser really upset me though.

    Like who are you to judge who I am because I'm different then you. Why is your way the only right way? Do I make any sense?

    I'm just irritaited. Like It shouldn't matter if I have holes in my ears and pictures on my body. But alas, it does. I hate that I have to sit here and plan how I'm going to hide this and that for when I get older, because it has to be professional.

    Does anyone else relate? Any other piercing junkies out there?

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  3. #2
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    Re: Judging others?

    Personally, the whole stretching your ear thing freaks me out. Small ones I'm fine with(ones the size you have I am totally fine with), but the ones you can fit several fingers or even your hand through, hell no. Don't understand why people would do that.

    But the thing is I don't have to understand it. As much as it freaks me out and I don't like seeing it, it's not my call. I would never say they are a bad person because of it. It's a choice I would never make but it's not my body and they have a right to do what ever they want.

    Of course where I live seeing people with truly massive holes in there ears is pretty normal so you think it would bug me less by now.

    I have my helix but that's it. It's more then enough for me. XD I have thought about a tattoo in the past but I can never think of something important enough to me that I would want it inked on my body for the rest of my life. So I get henna instead!

  4. #3
    Cavy Slave
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    Re: Judging others?

    Try not to let other people get to you. I have had moments of self-consciousness because I'm on the other end of the spectrum, an "older" woman (at 38) with a very visible tat and visible piercings (rook, tragus) and neon red hair. I don't look like a woman my age "should" look, and I certainly don't look like a staid, responsible "soccer" mom of three kids. But you know what? I don't GAS. I don't have to look professional because I'm self-employed. My clients don't care what I look like. They care what I can do, and I do my job really well, so it's all good. So instead of worrying about fitting in when you're older, consider jobs where you can embrace who you are and who you want to be.

  5. #4
    Cavy Slave emsillly's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    i have my ears stretched to 00 ,a second hole pierced on both sides, cartilage pierced on my left ear, nose pierced, septum pierced, and 2 sides of my lips pierced (snakebites). I would not go to that hair dresser anymore --- mine is a mom of like 7 and never has treated me any different and i went to her when i only had my ears pierced. I havent really experienced alot of hate over my piercings other than my mom ---- but my grandma loves them <3. My friends though are always like are you going to get more all the time (which im not planning on unless its something on my ear) and that gets annoying. I think it really depends on where you live though - like i live in the San Francisco Bay Area which for the most part people encourage you to be different. I only really get annoying questions from people - its only been a handful of times where people look at my septum piercing and are kinda like what the hell is that . being different is great dont let that hair dresser say anything (i wouldnt go to her anymore either) if its what you makes you happy then do it

  6. #5
    Cavy Slave T_Licious's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    One of the xray techs at the dentist scowled at me when I took my tongue ring out before the xray. She said "oh, I see you are one of those people".

    Grr. Sure, if you mean a pretty darn good wife to my submariner husband, kick ass mom to my 3 kids (2 with special needs) and awesome pet owner, then heck yeah I am one of those people

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  8. #6
    Cavy Slave YourSoJelly's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    @T_Licious , i bet you are FREAKIN AWESOME! I mean seriously… its a TOUNGE piercing. Chill out people!
    Last edited by YourSoJelly; 02-02-13 at 01:11 pm.

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    Cavy Slave YourSoJelly's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    I have my ears pierced! I know its not much but i can NOT handle pain. Piercing are out of the question but I will be getting a tattoo of a Chevy sign(the car brand) with the words:

    2002
    Chevy
    *insert the year Chevy dies here*

    Chevy is my first horse so I am going to have him for a long time! But other than that, I couldnt handle any other tattoo's or piercings. I was debating on whether or not to get y cartilage pierced but then I saw a YouTube video on how they do it, and I started to spaz. I cant handle it when people judge. like who do they think they are? These are two great examples:

    Attachment 41367
    Name:  donnt mind me.jpg
Views: 1568
Size:  80.1 KB

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  12. #8
    Cavy Newbie Wildcavy's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    My personal opinion is that it is foolish to judge folks fully on appearances, as it is with accents. The kindest people in my circle of friends vary from Harley bikers with sleeve tats to ex-military with shaved heads as well as folks in business suits or abayas. All of them are involved in animal rescue on one angle or another. One of the toughs isn't "allowed" (so to speak) by his wife into the local kill shelter, because he is a total wreck if he can't save all of the kitties there.

    I have multiple earlobe piercings. I work in a very professional environment, and limit the earrings to two on each side while at work. My husband has tats and had piercings until one of our kids ripped out a couple of them when he was a baby ... ugh .... Tats are next on my list. My hair is "normal" but I previously had an asymmetrical hair cut, mostly brown but with shock-white side pieces. My husband had a red mohawk (okay, pink since he's a blonde and it washed out) and now has a shaved head.

    We all come and go and our appearances change with every season in our lives. You may find that you want to do something else or style yourself another way later. Or not. Embrace the seasons!

    Speech-wise, I have my "home" accent and I have my "professional" accent as well. One is presumed to be ignorant, the other well-educated. All coming from the same source.

    People will always find a way to judge. I tend to discriminate by how people treat children, animals, and disabled folks (like my kids and me). I can't pretend it isn't discrimination of a sort, either. Someone who thinks it is okay to be mean or condescend like that will find the other end of my temper, and quickly.

    I also think that they reveal a disability of their own when they do that. One that is harder to address and impossible to accommodate.

    PS -- time to find another hair dresser!

  13. #9
    Cavy Slave porkchophamster's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    I have 2 hidden tattoos and 5 earlobe piercings with 1 cartilage piercing. I had my bellybutton pierced 3 different times but my body kept pushing it back out so the skin holding it in would get thinner and thinner. I gave up
    While I don't judge people based on their piercings and tattoos I do think there is a bias against those people and I can see why people hold those biases. I don't think it looks the least bit professional but I wouldn't necessarily write somebody off just because they have tattoos and piercings.
    I also think it is all in how you present yourself to other people if you have tattoos and piercings. If you are out getting high and drunk all the time and then telling people stories like "I was so f***** up..." then there is no way you can get upset when people judge you. If you come off as an educated, well-rounded person then it's a completely different story.
    If you are going to get tattoos, try to get them where you CAN hide them if needed. I wouldn't suggest the neck or hands or wrist like I see a lot of. Mine are on my hip and ankle so most people don't see them unless I'm wearing shorts or at the beach.
    That's just my 2 sense.

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    Cavy Slave mamattorney's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    I can somewhat relate. I don't have out of the ordinary piercings or tattoos, but when I was 16, I went through a "not found in nature" hair stage. Blue, bright pink, cherry red, purple, etc. I was an excellent student and was very trustworthy with a good head on my shoulders, so my mom let it be - a "don't sweat the small stuff" kind of thing. The problem came when I tried to get a part time job. I couldn't get a job, no matter how hard I tried. I was outraged because I knew it was because of my hair, and it just seemed so wrong to me. I complained to my mom and she said that she didn't mind my hair, but that I always need to remember that you never get a second chance to make a first impression and that I needed to decide whether it was more important to have spending money or blue hair. I dyed my hair back to a more natural color and got a job almost immediately.

    Is is right? No, but that's life. Of course, now I "have" to dye my hair (because it's grey, and I'm too young to look like that - thanks Irish heritage!), and I can't stand the time and money it costs me to have it done. Everything has come full circle.

  15. #11
    Cavy Newbie Wildcavy's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by porkchophamster View Post
    I also think it is all in how you present yourself to other people if you have tattoos and piercings. If you are out getting high and drunk all the time and then telling people stories like "I was so f***** up..." then there is no way you can get upset when people judge you. If you come off as an educated, well-rounded person then it's a completely different story.
    I think that's a really good point -- I think it goes to whether someone is just trying to express themselves versus someone who is trying to stir things up / be anti-social.

  16. #12
    Cavy Slave porkchophamster's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by madelineelaine View Post
    This is kind of one of those posts where I just ramble on looking for opinions. I'm wondering if there's anyone on here who's 'alternative', although I'm not exactly sure what to label it as.

    I'm just really irritated about something. I was getting my hair done the other day and my hair dresser started 'picking' on my piercings, telling me they're stupid etc. She basically belittled me because of how I want too look and it really upset me.

    I have my ears stretched to a 2g, I have 3 lobe in my left ear and 2 lobe, tragus and middle cartilage in my right ear. I dyed the underside of my hair purple. I want to get tattoos when I'm older, and more piercings.

    I know people judge based on looks, it just upsets me because whose to say I'm a bad person, irresponsible, unintelligent based on the holes in my ears?

    Sure I listen to 'different' music and do 'different' things. That hair dresser really upset me though.

    Like who are you to judge who I am because I'm different then you. Why is your way the only right way? Do I make any sense?

    I'm just irritaited. Like It shouldn't matter if I have holes in my ears and pictures on my body. But alas, it does. I hate that I have to sit here and plan how I'm going to hide this and that for when I get older, because it has to be professional.

    Does anyone else relate? Any other piercing junkies out there?
    I would DEFINITELY find a new hairdresser btw. That is very unprofessional of her to say that to you. And in your case, you're not that "alternative." When I was in high school, I dyed the under part of my hair black. I am a natural super bright redhead so it stuck out I also got my first tattoo my senior year after I turned 18 and pierced my own bellybutton when I was 16. I don't do it anymore though cuz it's not my thing. I always joke that I'm boring now

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    Cavy Slave porkchophamster's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wildcavy View Post
    I think that's a really good point -- I think it goes to whether someone is just trying to express themselves versus someone who is trying to stir things up / be anti-social.
    Off topic but I LOVE your pic of your piggy with her little hat on. SO CUTE!

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    Cavy Slave doglaurasmudge's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    All of those pierecings, tatto's, whatever colour and style your hair is in, it all comes down to one thing. It's on the outside, it's what is on the inside is what counts.

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  21. #15
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    Re: Judging others?

    im a "punk" ive had to get used to the dirty looks, i have every piercing down the centre of my body and ive actually been told i would go to hell for that.you have to jest ignore that stuff cuz your better then that. for a girl with a mohawk i get the craziest looks. that why i dont go to the mall anymore. Find a none judgement hairstylist,you think they wouldnt do that being what they are, im also a hairstylist. Ive even had doctors tell me i look bad with piercings :/ they dont know jack squat

  22. #16
    Cavy Slave madelineelaine's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    IDK, my reply to this hair dresser was basically along the lines of, nothing about me is normal, don't like it, don't care.

    For those of you that speak gauge/piercing, I want to stretch to a 00g, do my industrial piercing, go for third lobe on my right ear

    I want a few different tattoos on my 'trunk' so to speak, my hip, shoulder etc. Something hideable. Not on my arms.

    IDK, I don't want to be normal. I'm more then happy having funky hair colours, neon tunnels and all that.

    I just wish people wouldn't judge. I know it's going to happen no matter what, but still. On my 18 birthday I want to get a tattoo. I'm debating on a tongue piercing. I really want collar bone piercings.

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    Moderator / Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner Inle_Rabbit's Avatar
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    This happened to me once too! I could not believe it when it happen! I was 6 months pregnant and I went to get my hair done. At this point in our lives we were pretty light on money so this was something I had saved up to do and I was really looking forward to it and I really needed it.

    Anyway I got a guy stylist and we started to chat and I told him I was pregnant. He acted surprised. Actually told me he thought I was fat! I'm a petite person, I weighed a whole 130 when I went into labor! There was no fat on me other than the prego belly. Then he went on to tell me how he doesn't like kids, thinks babies are weird, thinks pregnancy is gross, ect. He was constantly talking to the other stylists ignoring me. (probably because i was a fat, gross pregnant woman) Half way through the hair cut I couldn't take any more and just got up, walked to the front desk and asked to speak to the manager. I calmly but firmly told them how POed I was. The manager had another person cut my hair, gave me that cut and the next free. She also made him apologize to me after having a privet chat in the back with him. When I went back a few months later the guy stylist was no longer employed there.

    Anyway, you know you are fine the way you are but you should stand up for your self more. Don't let people you are paying talk to you that way. You are paying them for their time and skills they should provide a respectful conversation as long as you are being respectful.

    I don't have any piercing but I do have several tattoos. I just keep them under the t shirt/pant coverage areas and call it good.

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    Cavy Slave cheesypuffpea's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Hi! You know what? Who cares what other people think?! They are just shallow people right? Just think, I am not going to take your offense, and maybe she just judged you to feel better about herself. Everyone has their own style, and you should be yourself! Basically what I'm trying to say is don't let other people's words affect you, just be happy yourself, and do the things you want. Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way. Don't care about that hairdresser and just ignore her. Life is too short to care about those people, like Dr. Seuss said: " Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" . So yeah, hope I helped!


    Stay Happy! I get judged sometimes too.

  25. #19
    Cavy Newbie Wildcavy's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    People say some truly ignorant and sometimes hateful things -- I am not surprised that they think them, but I am particularly surprised when someone in the service industry says them. Especially someone who relies on tips or the goodwill of a specific customer.

    I remember when my daughter was just a babe, about 6 weeks old, and I went to a large store in Chicago to get a proper crib for her, rather than the bassinet we had. I had her in one of those front-carry slings, and it being dead winter, she was quite bundled. The man carrying the crib box to my car was commenting on babies. Out of the blue he says that he likes all races of people, but thinks biracial people are freaks. Meanwhile, I am carrying a tiny biracial child, unknown to him. It wouldn't have matter whether she was white, blue, or spotted, but ... well, words fail.

    I won't go into all the details after that, but I got the crib for free, the man was permanently "excused" from his job, and I was still left with a horrid taste in my mouth. The worst thing to me is that I am not sure what changed at all that day, other than my ongoing cynicism and suspicion of humanity was reaffirmed. I carry my physical scars with pride, but the psychic ones add nothing to me.

  26. #20
    Cavy Slave
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by porkchophamster View Post
    I would DEFINITELY find a new hairdresser btw. That is very unprofessional of her to say that to you. And in your case, you're not that "alternative." When I was in high school, I dyed the under part of my hair black. I am a natural super bright redhead so it stuck out I also got my first tattoo my senior year after I turned 18 and pierced my own bellybutton when I was 16. I don't do it anymore though cuz it's not my thing. I always joke that I'm boring now
    I did that, too! I pierced my own bellybutton (it grew out, though) and my own nipples with ice cubes and sewing needles. Back in those days, I didn't know anyone who did that kind of piercing, and I grew up in a very conservative religious family, and there was no WAY my parents would have signed off on it even if I *had* known someone who did, . Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do! Of course, today everyone has it done so it's no biggie anymore. Every piercing place does it. I wanted my madison done, too, but that was after I was legal, and even at that, no one would do it because they said it tended to have a high rejection rate. Piercing has come a long, long way, baby.

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