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Thread: Judging others?

  1. #61
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinky View Post
    Alcoholism and drug addiction aren't always self medicating. In many cases, it's initially done in a social venue and the addiction takes over. They're not trying to escape reality or treat an underlying problem. They just can't stop. They're not the same and each case is different. You can't put them all under one umbrella and compare.
    I didn't "put them all under one umbrella." I said "many." Not "all."

  2. #62
    Cavy Slave madelineelaine's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    @MissJean

    that made me smile really, so thanks.

    Who wants to be ordinairy anyways? I'm just tired of the rumour mill spitting stuff out. High school is so cruel. In most peoples eyes I'm basically some easy, lesbian freak with holes in her ears that should be avoided at all cost. And to be honest, I don't care. I don't want to be around people that don't bother to get to know me before they judge me.

  3. #63
    Cavy Slave madelineelaine's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    @Aleks

    my heart goes out to you <3 Been there, done that, many times over. Feel free to direct message me any times lovely.

    Just a note on the whole suicide thing:

    THAT IS MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE. I will never understand how any one, no matter how cruel, could ever tell someone to end their life. I simply can not comprehend how anyone could ever do that.

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  5. #64
    Cavy Slave madelineelaine's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    @SheWolfSilver

    Actually, it's not like comparing oranges and apples.

    cutting is a coping mechanism, as is using drugs and alcohol.

    tattoos and piercings are used to express yourself. cutting is not a form of self expression.

  6. #65
    Cavy Slave madelineelaine's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    @pinky I just want to clear up this self harm thing.

    I have gone through many a negative coping strategy, my brain is a mess of mental disorders and imbalanced chemicals. It really upsets me that theres such a stigma around it. I would never encourage someone to start doing it, as it is just as addicting as drugs or alcohol. It gives you a euphoric 'high' that you begin to crave and soon nothing else compares to it. It sucks you in and destroys you.

    I do think there should be laws that help people with these sort of problems. I had to miss work a few weeks back (one shift) because I was in the hospital for attempted suicide. Should I not be protected in a sense that I shouldn't loose my job because I missed one shift? I was in a very bad place and I clearly couldn't attend work. I called in and gave notice. I dealed with it appropriately. Nobody should ever be fired or seen as less of a person because of a mental disorder. There is such a stigma and it just deeply upsets me.

    People seem to think that people who are depressed just need to be happy, but from a neurological point of view it's impossible. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. Telling someone who's depressed to just be happy, or someone with an eating disorder to start eating, or someone who cuts to stop, is the same as telling someone with diabetes to just make some insulin, or something with multiple sclorosis to just stop destroying their nerves.

    Mental illness is just as bad as drug and alcohol abuse, and they often tie in together. We should protect both of them.

    I honestly don't think anything about me blends in with my peers. I have my physical self, I'm covered in scars that tell a story of all the lost battles with myself. I had a girl friend for a while, which got my labeled a lesbian freak. I often misunderstand what people are telling me and I respond differently, which got me labeled as easy, or in other words a slut. I'm trying to balance working two nights a week to save for school, with 3 nights of therapy, my mental minefieled and school. I just feel like people take one look at me, or hear a rumour and judge me instantly, they don't even begin to get to know me and that's what irritates me the most I think.

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  8. #66
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    Re: Judging others?

    They're not battles you lost, @madelineelaine. They're battles you won. I fought my battles with cutting for more than a decade. I was so ashamed and lived in long sleeves and pants so that no one would know. And they didn't. I was very good at hiding it. Medication and therapy helped me find my way out. But the scars remained, and I had a love-hate battle with those scars for the longest time. I hated them because they were a reminder of those dark days and what I'd done to myself. Sometimes people would ask me if I'd been in an accident. But at the same time, I loved them because they were a reminder that I'd survived. I cut because I have cptsd. I'd suffered severe childhood trauma, and the cutting was my way of coping with it.

    I finally took ownership of my scars with my tattoo. A part of me died, and I was reborn. I got a phoenix tattoo on my wrist. When the artist placed it, he placed it right above one of my scars so that it looks like my phoenix is rising out of my scars. I didn't even realize he was doing it, but the symbolism rocks me to my core every time I look at it. Own your scars, ME. It's so hard to go through it, but those are the scars of your survival. We all bear scars. Some of us have them in our hearts, and some of us have them on our bodies. Each of us is molded and changed by our scars. Some of us are made stronger by them. You are strong, and I think you will only be stronger and better when you fight your way through to the other side. And you WILL fight through to the other side.

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  10. #67
    Cavy Slave PrincessAngel's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    I really hate people who judge someone without knowing them. I feel judged a lot because I'm almost 19 and I'm only 4'10 and look like I'm 12. I get stares when I go somewhere alone on a random weekday afternoon and when I drive. People just assume I am much younger until I start talking. I honestly can't wait to freak people out when I'm older and start having kids. I don't have any tattoos or piercings but have friends that di and they are pretty awesome people!

    I try not to judge someone before getting to know them, I went to very diverse schools all my life. In my elementry school we had several kids in class who barelyv spoke english and others who had a variety of disabilities. At the summer camp I volunteer at we have had a bunch of kids with disabilties and it always makes me happy to see the other kids trying to help them.

    At my university which is a private catholic school, we have an "Oath of Inclusion" which basicaly statea common sense things like treating others the way you would want to be treated, don't exclude anyone due to differences, and they had some students get on stage and talk about how they have felt judged for their religion, their social class, how they look, and their sexual orientation. There are such a variety of people ranging from super religous always in religous garb to tattooed/rainbow hair/piercings everywhere. I have friends that fall close to both ends of that spectum and we all get along and I will basically talk to ANYONE who wants to talk.

    I've had conversations with people who were complaining about going home to New York City for the WEEKEND. Of course I gave her the look, but then I had to remeber the average income at this school is over 200k (I fall nowhere near this) and I'm pretty sure my friends bring this average down! And obviously after that conversation my opinion of her was skewed.

  11. #68
    Cavy Slave AlyssaNicole's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    I get judged a lot because I like girls. Maybe tmi for some, but I've accepted myself. I've cut before, gone through therapy, lost friends over it all, but in the end it made me a stronger person. I just don't care anymore.

    As for everyone else, you're beautiful no matter what race/gender preference/tattoos/piercings, whatever. I have two out of the ordinary ear piercings (daith, and conch) and I get asked about it all the time. "Ew why would you get that? That's so gross/painful looking". You learn not to care

  12. #69
    Cavy Newbie Wildcavy's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    One thing I bet we all share here, which is a reflection of the rest of our lives, is people saying: "How can you like guinea pigs / ratties / gerbils / etc so much? They're all just rodents / vermin / etc." I wonder sometimes if our being susceptible to becoming cavy slaves is an indication of something we share -- being different, being compassionate, realizing that there is great joy, love, and hope in the most unusual places.

    And I thank everyone here for sharing so much of themselves!

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  14. #70
    Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner pinky's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by madelineelaine View Post
    @pinky I just want to clear up this self harm thing.

    I have gone through many a negative coping strategy, my brain is a mess of mental disorders and imbalanced chemicals. It really upsets me that theres such a stigma around it. I would never encourage someone to start doing it, as it is just as addicting as drugs or alcohol. It gives you a euphoric 'high' that you begin to crave and soon nothing else compares to it. It sucks you in and destroys you.

    I do think there should be laws that help people with these sort of problems. I had to miss work a few weeks back (one shift) because I was in the hospital for attempted suicide. Should I not be protected in a sense that I shouldn't loose my job because I missed one shift? I was in a very bad place and I clearly couldn't attend work. I called in and gave notice. I dealed with it appropriately. Nobody should ever be fired or seen as less of a person because of a mental disorder. There is such a stigma and it just deeply upsets me.

    People seem to think that people who are depressed just need to be happy, but from a neurological point of view it's impossible. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. Telling someone who's depressed to just be happy, or someone with an eating disorder to start eating, or someone who cuts to stop, is the same as telling someone with diabetes to just make some insulin, or something with multiple sclorosis to just stop destroying their nerves.

    Mental illness is just as bad as drug and alcohol abuse, and they often tie in together. We should protect both of them.

    I honestly don't think anything about me blends in with my peers. I have my physical self, I'm covered in scars that tell a story of all the lost battles with myself. I had a girl friend for a while, which got my labeled a lesbian freak. I often misunderstand what people are telling me and I respond differently, which got me labeled as easy, or in other words a slut. I'm trying to balance working two nights a week to save for school, with 3 nights of therapy, my mental minefieled and school. I just feel like people take one look at me, or hear a rumour and judge me instantly, they don't even begin to get to know me and that's what irritates me the most I think.
    I'm not sure who you worked for but many employers offer employee assistance programs that treat behavioral disorders or direct people to services that offer treatment programs. The last three companies I work offered it. It might have more to do with your age, hours worked and being a minor who is covered under a parent's medical plan that you weren't eligible. I AGREE with you. You don't think you understand the point that I tried to make. Substance abuse is not necessarily the result of a mental disorder. It's ingesting chemical substances that affect people differently, just as one person eating peanuts, shellfish can kill one person and not have an effect on another. There are happy, social drinkers and recreational drug users that become addicted. "Social acceptance" might not be the right word to describe how people react to people with addictions or disorders. "Empathy or lack of" for those afflicted with these disorders might be a better way to describe how some people don't understand or see the need for help for some individuals. I don't think it's good to generalize and compare. Each situation is unique and to assume all these different afflictions require the same treatment wouldn't work since the causes are different. I agree that it's wrong to discriminate against anyone needing treatment. I also think it's wrong to lump them all together and compare them. Each individual is deserving of help in their individual case.

  15. #71
    Cavy Slave MissJean's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    For the folks that get discriminated against for sexual orientation, have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale? It's common for people to have *some* degree of same-sex attraction. Even if it's miniscule. Some of the people harassing you might even be experiencing some degree of bisexuality themselves.

    I think all of us have experienced moments of passing unjust judgement on others, but we must remain diligent in trying to analyze why we have these feelings towards people. We should try to take a step back and rethink our judgements. I think everyone is prone to being a jerk sometimes.

    @Wildcavy I do think that's the reason I love piggies so much and have an intense need to protect mine.

  16. #72
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by pinky View Post
    Each situation is unique and to assume all these different afflictions require the same treatment wouldn't work since the causes are different.
    Where did I do this? Seriously. I think you're arguing with me to argue at this point.

    The point I was trying to make -- long since lost in the drama of your picking at semantics -- was that most people are understanding and sympathetic of people suffering with alcoholism but tend to dismiss cutters as attention seekers or suicidal. That's all. I'm over this aspect of this discussion.

  17. #73
    Cavy Slave PrincessAngel's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by MissJean View Post
    For the folks that get discriminated against for sexual orientation, have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale? It's common for people to have *some* degree of same-sex attraction. Even if it's miniscule. Some of the people harassing you might even be experiencing some degree of bisexuality themselves.
    Oh my goodness! Me and a bunch of my friends took the little quiz thing a few weeks ago. We all shared our results with each other and my friends who identify as "straight" scored 3s and 4s which is some degree of bisexuallity.

    @Wildcavy I am totally okay with being the weird person who not only loves rodents but loves all animals. The other week during my biology lab I got a chance to hold the resident boa constrictor and while I was bouncing up and down with joy (I had been waiting to hold her since August) all my classmates backed away and squealed. I try not to judge animals as well as people. I have friends who say they loves dogs but hate small dogs because they are "yappy" or "they aren't real dogs". It drives me crazy! They obviously don't love dogs then and are prejudging types of dogs they have had a bad experience with.

  18. #74
    Cavy Slave AlyssaNicole's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by MissJean View Post
    For the folks that get discriminated against for sexual orientation, have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale? It's common for people to have *some* degree of same-sex attraction. Even if it's miniscule. Some of the people harassing you might even be experiencing some degree of bisexuality themselves.
    YES! There's so much truth behind this.

  19. #75
    Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner pinky's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by asnnbrg View Post
    Where did I do this? Seriously. I think you're arguing with me to argue at this point.

    The point I was trying to make -- long since lost in the drama of your picking at semantics -- was that most people are understanding and sympathetic of people suffering with alcoholism but tend to dismiss cutters as attention seekers or suicidal. That's all. I'm over this aspect of this discussion.
    I disagree that there's greater sympathy for alcoholics or substance abusers. I think one difference is that alcoholism is probably understood more and discussed more because it's understood better but I don't think there's necessarily greater empathy for those being afflicted by it. In fact, I think there's often great disdain for those who suffer the addiction. Public figures are on the news and publicly humiliated all the time when they're arrested for drunk driving or public intoxication. I also don't agree that cutters are necessarily viewed as attention seekers or suicidal. I certainly don't have that view. I do think that the affliction probably not understood by many people because there's not a lot of information about it. Maybe there are those out there who make that generalization but it does all of them a great disservice to lump them into a single category. That's what I find issue with. What causes each person to become addicted or suffer from mental illness is unique in each case. What's needed is individual care and treatment plans for those who need help. People ARE discriminated against. I get that. The real issue is, to get help for those who need it. Discrimination will never end but offering programs and support to those who need help will make a difference.

  20. #76
    Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner MommyOfMany's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    @madelineelaine Haha you sound just like me last year, in 8th grade. I've sort of toned it down a bit since then, poster and button wise. I still do all of the infographics and things on FaceBook, slipping animal rights into a conversation every now and then. I even did my art project as a little baby paper mache chick on a plate with a knife and fork.
    In 7th grade, I covered my locker with posters of animal rights stuff and got bullied for it. People were so horrible. A girl who had her locker across from mine started posting homemade posters saying the exact opposite of what mine said-fish are food, not friends, chicken is yummy, etc. She also scribbled messages all over my posters. Once, she even came up to me in the cafeteria and shoved steak in my face, saying things like "OOooh, it's sooo yummy!!" and the like. When she would walk by in the hallway, she would yell stupid stuff about fur and non-vegan things. I always just pretended not to hear her, and she eventually grew tired and gave up, moving on to getting in fights and suspensions.
    It sounds like you are on your way to veganism!

  21. #77
    Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner pinky's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    Quote Originally Posted by MommyOfMany View Post
    @madelineelaine Haha you sound just like me last year, in 8th grade. I've sort of toned it down a bit since then, poster and button wise. I still do all of the infographics and things on FaceBook, slipping animal rights into a conversation every now and then. I even did my art project as a little baby paper mache chick on a plate with a knife and fork.
    In 7th grade, I covered my locker with posters of animal rights stuff and got bullied for it. People were so horrible. A girl who had her locker across from mine started posting homemade posters saying the exact opposite of what mine said-fish are food, not friends, chicken is yummy, etc. She also scribbled messages all over my posters. Once, she even came up to me in the cafeteria and shoved steak in my face, saying things like "OOooh, it's sooo yummy!!" and the like. When she would walk by in the hallway, she would yell stupid stuff about fur and non-vegan things. I always just pretended not to hear her, and she eventually grew tired and gave up, moving on to getting in fights and suspensions.
    It sounds like you are on your way to veganism!
    Middle school years can be horrible. A social worker at our local school district said those years tend to be the worst because you have kids with different maturity levels thrown in together. High school can be rough, too, but at least in high school you have choices in the classes you take, sometimes multiple schools feed into the high school so there's a mix of new kids and clubs and activities that appeal to different people. You also have better counselors that can offer help. It was a real eye opener when my kids were in middle school and high school.

  22. #78
    Cavy Slave YourSoJelly's Avatar
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    I hate how people judge cutters. I could never cut because I bawl like a baby after two shots so that's out of the question for me. One of my best friends cut for a while but got over it. I am so proud of her and I let her know it. She has a boyfriend, is surrounded by a great circle of friends, and she's smart. She has short black hair with a ginger back lay. Sometimes she dresses kind of dark colored but thats how i know what mood she was in this morning. She never told me why she cut and I respect that decision. One time it got so bad that she locked herself in their shed. She couldn't find any blades so she ended up using a screwdriver to cut. She told me that she did one cut then she remembered what I told her the day before. She stopped. Normally she does 15-20 slices before she stops. I couldn't believe that she stopped because of me. She is an amazing person and I would do anything for her. I couldn't stand it if someone judged her just by her looks.

  23. #79
    Cavy Slave madelineelaine's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    @YourSoJelly Yeah, see I'm surrounded my people with mental disorders. I feel like maybe I'm slightly desensitized by it. My brother has aspbergers syndrome, my best friend has an eating disorder, another friend has an ed, another friend has an ed, depression, my other best friend has borderline personality disorder, ALL are suicidal. I mean at any given moment I have people talking to me, and as much as I want to be there for them it's hard on me too, yanno? Like it would be easy if I just had one person talking to me, but my support system leans on me for support too, if that makes sense.

    @pinky sometimes they don't want help, and sometimes help doesn't work. I was forced into treatment in may 2012 and I'm still not fully co operating because it's scary, and I just can't do what they're asking me to.

    One thing I want to add is that these addictions kind of differ too, like an alcoholic can avoid bars and create an alcohol free house, but someone who cuts or has an eating disorder is essentially screwed, it's impossible to avoid.

  24. #80
    Cavy Slave Okiesmokes's Avatar
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    Re: Judging others?

    I've found that for me, personally, I have been judged much more by my own family than by anyone else. Well, openly at least. It use to hurt a lot. And sometimes it still does, but I'm out of that situation now and on the road to recovery.

    Sophomore year was the beginning of hell for me. Something in me snapped and I just couldn't control myself anymore. I asked my family for help but was denied it. I was told that people didn't speak of having problems like I did out in the open. I was told to just deal with it. So I did, in my own way. I'd lock myself in the bathroom and cut.
    In a way, I wanted people to find out. I dropped hints and everything. But no one ever did.. I think a few did, but they pretended not to. It would have been an inconvenience to them. Long story short, I have bipolar disorder among other things. I'm just now getting treatment for it (I'm 20 btw) and things are getting a tad bit better. Slowly, but better.

    I just can't see judging someone for cutting, depression, sexual orientation, anything. I also dated a girl once in Junior year and lost my best friend because of it.
    I dyed my hair tons of times and was picked on for it by my family. Not friends. Probably strangers. But my family of all people. They especially made fun of my bleached rainbow bangs: Click image for larger version. 

Name:	309024_244012785650551_1759699936_n.jpg 
Views:	118 
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ID:	41449 My mom said it was embarrassing to be seen with me the way I presented myself. I use to care. But now I feel foolish for it. What does it matter what I look like? Don't look at me if you have a problem.


    BUT I do believe that the mean looks, stares, and comments made me a better person. I now voice my opinion very strongly when someone tries to bash another person for the way they look, their race, gender, sexual orientations, etc. People tend to roll their eyes at me when I do it, but what do I care? It's my life, they can simply get over it.


    Phew. Sorry for the supper long post.

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