Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 21 to 40 of 48

Thread: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

  1. #21
    Cavy Slave
    Joined
    Jan 16, 2012
    Location
    San Diego, CA
    Posts
    212
    Mentioned
    9 Post(s)
    Quoted
    19 Post(s)
    Thanks
    10
    Thanks
    37 Rec'd/32 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Yall are right...rough handling of a piggie or any animal for that matter is a warning sign. It means that he likes to feel in control. As a guy who doesn't act like this, I can say that this behavior is not normal. Take my roommates for example. They don't share the same enthusiasm for my piggies as I do, but they are always very gentle and kind to them.

  2. "Thank you, TCTrun, for this useful post," says:


  3. #22
    Section Moderator CanadianComforts's Avatar
    Joined
    May 29, 2009
    Location
    Edmonton, AB, Canada
    Posts
    1,320
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    157 Post(s)
    Thanks
    269
    Thanks
    292 Rec'd/198 Posts
    Blog Entries
    47

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    I've been married for 3 years and with my husband for 5. No man should treat any animal or human in the way your bf has. I would leave him. My husband wasn't always fond of my pigs but knew they made me happy. Just a little while ago he called them our kids, which made me cry with happiness. He has NEVER hurt them or handled them badly, even when he called them "Stinky little rats".

    Personally if I was in your position I would say: "Either leave my pigs alone or get the *beep* out." I would not give him a chance but a choice, be nice/leave them alone or get out. If he is a real MAN he will do that or leave, and if he leaves he was no man at all.

  4. #23
    Cavy Slave Kieri's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 06, 2011
    Posts
    276
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Quoted
    23 Post(s)
    Thanks
    22
    Thanks
    45 Rec'd/31 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    oh, wow... it is very strange how he went from loving the piggies to hating them and screaming at them as well as harming them.

    don't you worry he will do the same with you or any children or other animals you may have in the future?

    i know you have received a lot of feedback, but i hope you and your pigs get out of his grasp safely. some relationships are very hard to end, but you need to think about your safety as well as your precious piggies. what if he kills one or more of them to prove a point?

    i really hope you're okay and you get this settled before it gets worse. i don't want to sound paranoid or scary, but if you clearly realize how bad it has become, it's only bound to get worse and worse until it is too late.

    much love from me and my piggies ♥

  5. #24
    Cavy Slave newToCavies's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 12, 2012
    Posts
    18
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    2 Post(s)
    Thanks
    10
    Thanks
    1 Rec'd/1 Post

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Sometimes it takes being responsible for someone (pets or children) to stand up for if you don't normally stand up for yourself.

    You've probably already talked to him very seriously about this, but if not, remove all other distractions and talk about the way you want your guinea pigs treated and how it hurts you to see them mistreated. If he is frustrated, he needs to treat them like one would a baby who is frustrating you and walk away and cool off before tending to their needs or get you to tend to their needs.

    Do they live/sleep in the same room as you both? I can see how that would get VERY frustrating with all of the noises at night. It's not right to mistreat them, but you might want to move them, because it's probably just making it worse. Also - he needs to tell you rationally when something like this is bothering him.

    I think it's a red flag definitely, but not one that would make me immediately break up with someone. See if you can convince him to behave around them - and if not, there may not be anything you can do. And if you're planning on having kids or having a husband who does not resort to hitting when he is frustrated, you might want to move on.

  6. #25
    Cavy Slave
    Joined
    Oct 26, 2011
    Location
    New Orleans, La
    Posts
    407
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Quoted
    41 Post(s)
    Thanks
    69
    Thanks
    18 Rec'd/16 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    I have been thinking about it....we just got back from therapy and we discussed him setting a towel on his lap and letting the pig sit on him. I have already let one of the pigs run around the room while he was on the computer. But he is not allowed to pick them up.
    The thing about it was he needed an outside opinion and observation. I've told him time and time again about him picking up my pigs the way he has and he used to just get aggravated because he thinks they don't like him when they run while he's trying to get them.
    He also gets bored with things easily. And he can go from loving doing something one day to finding it boring the next.
    I just hope he is not just saying what I want to hear.

  7. #26
    Cavy Slave coxbrea151's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 16, 2012
    Posts
    45
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Quoted
    6 Post(s)
    Thanks
    10
    Thanks
    1 Rec'd/1 Post

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Hopefully everything gets settled soon.

  8. #27
    Pigaholic Extraordinaire Paula's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 12, 2007
    Location
    PacNW
    Posts
    6,610
    Mentioned
    207 Post(s)
    Quoted
    314 Post(s)
    Thanks
    782
    Thanks
    6,516 Rec'd/2,346 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    If he doesn't want anything to do with the pigs I don't understand why he'd be handling them in the first place. I think if he's made it clear he doesn't want anything to do with them you need to tell him not to have anything to do with them. If you're asking him to handle them or help with their care, that's not fair and I can understand why resentment might build. It's not an excuse for rough handling but it might explain his frustration.

    Furthermore, having many animals causes serious strain on a relationship. Particularly if one party isn't happy with having so many animals. Caring for them properly takes a lot of time and it can take time away from your relationship and the time spent with your significant other. It can be problematic when one person starts to resent or regret the amount of time spent, which seems like it might be at least part of what's going on.

    If you want to stay with him, you might consider getting your numbers down to a more manageable level. If you're sure you'd rather keep that amount and grow the numbers, at the risk of losing your relationship, you need to be prepared to make that clear and act on it when the time comes.

    Best of luck to you.

  9. #28
    Cavy Slave Gigabyte's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 29, 2011
    Location
    Colorado
    Posts
    252
    Mentioned
    6 Post(s)
    Quoted
    24 Post(s)
    Thanks
    48
    Thanks
    38 Rec'd/22 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Well, if he is not nice, he's gotta go!
    Talk to him, don't blame or accuse him, just say you're a little concerned. Ask if anything is stressing him out or if he needs to talk to you about something. Restate, firmly, that you love the pigs and he needs to understand they are part of the packaged deal. He can't have just you.

  10. #29
    Cavy Slave
    Joined
    Oct 26, 2011
    Location
    New Orleans, La
    Posts
    407
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Quoted
    41 Post(s)
    Thanks
    69
    Thanks
    18 Rec'd/16 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Well it came to the worst.....he ended up beating me instead. Only good news is that all of my piggies and I are now safe away from him with my family.

  11. #30
    Cavy Slave 3piggiepigs's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 28, 2010
    Location
    peterborough england
    Posts
    124
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    2 Post(s)
    Thanks
    37
    Thanks
    21 Rec'd/14 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Oh my god, Are you ok? i was worried he was that kind of person, please whatever you do dont go back you are worth so much more, I have been in a mentally abusive relationship before and know the hold they can have over you.

  12. "Thank you, 3piggiepigs, for this useful post," says:


  13. #31
    Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner pinky's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 11, 2010
    Location
    sweet home Chicagoland
    Posts
    11,212
    Mentioned
    684 Post(s)
    Quoted
    1563 Post(s)
    Thanks
    773
    Thanks
    2,491 Rec'd/1,959 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    I'm so sorry. I hope you're okay. Please continue with the counseling alone so you don't get into another relationship with someone else like him.

  14. "Thank you, pinky, for this useful post," says:


  15. #32
    Cavy Slave
    Joined
    Oct 26, 2011
    Location
    New Orleans, La
    Posts
    407
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Quoted
    41 Post(s)
    Thanks
    69
    Thanks
    18 Rec'd/16 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Physically not even okay. Mentally I feel stupid but proud of myself for finally getting away but stupid because it had to come to this for me to realize the person he really was. Physical damage includes bruises to face throaty arms and stomach. Various scratches. I don't know why or how I could have been so stupid and blind. And emotionally I'm hurting as well but I'm so glad he didn't hurt my pigs. I would never have ben able to forgive myself for that. there are no words to describe how grateful I am for my family who came to basically rescue me when I needed it the most even at midnight and with a three hour drive one way.

  16. #33
    Moderator / Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner Inle_Rabbit's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 13, 2011
    Location
    ATX
    Posts
    4,638
    Mentioned
    310 Post(s)
    Quoted
    568 Post(s)
    Thanks
    593
    Thanks
    1,104 Rec'd/793 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    I am so glad to hear that you and the animals are safe away. Please stay away. If you need to see him take a large male friend or family member with you, do not see him alone. I dated a man for quite some time in college. In the beginning he was so sweet and nice but as time wore on and the relationship deteriorated he grew insecure which made him angry and one day hit me out of anger. I was lucky, it didn't hurt and didn't leave a mark but he still did it. I ended the already rocky relationship the next day but of course I had his stuff and he had some of mine. We made plans to meet up and switch stuff after things had cooled down a bit. He never showed up, the next day his mother called to tell me he was in a phyc hospital because he told someone he planned to kill me and himself at that meet up. Scary stuff!

    Anyway, just be careful. Stay safe. Stay positive. After that butthole I met a wonderful and truly top of the line man. We have been married for 5 years and each year has been an interesting adventure that we tackle together as equals and partners.

  17. #34
    Cavy Star, Photo Contest Winner pinky's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 11, 2010
    Location
    sweet home Chicagoland
    Posts
    11,212
    Mentioned
    684 Post(s)
    Quoted
    1563 Post(s)
    Thanks
    773
    Thanks
    2,491 Rec'd/1,959 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    I'm glad your family is there for you. Just make sure that you're safe now and that there's no chance of him coming back. Get a restraining order if need be.

  18. #35
    Cavy Slave kirsty91's Avatar
    Joined
    Oct 25, 2011
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    258
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Quoted
    11 Post(s)
    Thanks
    21
    Thanks
    16 Rec'd/15 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Well I'm glad you were smart enough to get out of the situtation the first time he hit you and not to try and "stick it out." That takes a lot of courage and for that I promise it will be eaiser for you to heal both ways than if you would have tried to stick around. I wish you luck and your very lucky to have such a great and loving family!

  19. #36
    Cavy Slave lemonham's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 18, 2011
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    250
    Mentioned
    15 Post(s)
    Quoted
    26 Post(s)
    Thanks
    83
    Thanks
    63 Rec'd/46 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Are you going to file a police report? You should think about it. It is so much better to start a paper trail in case something else happens. It will help you out in the long run.

  20. "Thank you, lemonham, for this useful post," say these 2 members:


  21. #37
    Cavy Slave
    Joined
    Dec 07, 2011
    Posts
    23
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Quoted
    0 Post(s)
    Thanks
    0
    Thanks
    1 Rec'd/1 Post

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Dump him now!

  22. #38
    Cavy Slave Dee_E's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 17, 2011
    Location
    Palm Harbor, FL
    Posts
    633
    Mentioned
    16 Post(s)
    Quoted
    72 Post(s)
    Thanks
    127
    Thanks
    110 Rec'd/90 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Quote Originally Posted by KristenMatejka View Post
    Physically not even okay. Mentally I feel stupid but proud of myself for finally getting away but stupid because it had to come to this for me to realize the person he really was. Physical damage includes bruises to face throaty arms and stomach. Various scratches. I don't know why or how I could have been so stupid and blind. And emotionally I'm hurting as well but I'm so glad he didn't hurt my pigs. I would never have ben able to forgive myself for that. there are no words to describe how grateful I am for my family who came to basically rescue me when I needed it the most even at midnight and with a three hour drive one way.

    First off, you are not stupid, dumb or any other derogatory word!!!!


    Please don't fall into that trap. You were in a situation you didn't understand, you wanted to make things work. My guess would be you were afraid of being a failure or not worthy if the relationship did not work out.

    I have been where you are at. I put up with several years of physical, mental and sexual abuse. I ended up with Epilepsy as a result of 2 skull fractures at the hands of my ex. I didn't wake up until he threatened our 6 mo. old daughter.

    The woman looking back at you in the mirror is a strong, courageous, selfless woman. She is not a failure. You decided that your and your little charges were worth protecting and deserving of a safe, healthy and happy life.

    Please remember that. (((hugs)))

  23. "Thank you, Dee_E, for this useful post," say these 2 members:


  24. #39
    Cavy Newbie Wildcavy's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 05, 2011
    Posts
    1,106
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Quoted
    215 Post(s)
    Thanks
    357
    Thanks
    358 Rec'd/237 Posts
    Blog Entries
    24

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    100% agree with @lemonham to file a police report. If you have to go back and get anything at your place, ask for a police officer to come with you -- if they will do that, it is better than a family member, because if your ex strikes out at you or a family member, it's harder to show who is the violent party in the confrontation. If you have to meet with your ex at all, apart from retrieving things, I'd do it in a public place. A very public place like a fast-food restaurant with a lot of people and video cameras.

    And @Dee_E said it perfectly, that you are strong and courageous and an amazingly good piggy-mom.

    There are so many of us on this forum with backgrounds of abuse, and I've found a ton of support and affirmation even though I've been out of that situation for a long time. I'm glad that your family is supportive. Please let us know how you are doing!!

  25. #40
    Cavy Slave aislynn99's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 17, 2012
    Location
    Cleveland, Ohio
    Posts
    91
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Quoted
    9 Post(s)
    Thanks
    31
    Thanks
    15 Rec'd/13 Posts

    Re: Problems between boyfriend and piggies.

    Sometimes you don't know how strong you can be, until being strong is all you have left. I'm glad to hear you are free from such a cancerous person as your (hopefully ex) boyfriend. I hope he is now completely out of your life, and that your family and friends will continue to support you going forward from this. Please keep us updated and let us know if we can help in any way!

  26. "Thank you, aislynn99, for this useful post," says:


User Tag List

Bookmarks

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •