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Forgive me, my old pig

lylishaw

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It was more than five years ago. The girl in PetSmart told me he was about 6 month old when he was picked up by me. He was the quite one sitting in a corner all by himself. He was mute, was not able to speak till a few months later. He was always shy, and had a bad temper too. If he was not satisfied with food, he would immediately turn away and bite around whatever he could reach. During his life time with us, we never went to family vacation by air because of him. We did carry him for a 9 day road trip to national parks when he was one and half years old. It turned out great.

The only other time I did something wrong was, one day of 2017, before went to work, I left the windows open for fresh air, because it was a nice autumn outside. I was the only one at home , my wife was away, my daughter was at college. When I got back, I was surprised to find out that he suddenly jumped out of the cage toward me for the first time ever, because he was freezed miserably. Fortunately he recovered fully.


As he became older, he ate less and was more picky about flavors of food. He also trusted me so much that whenever I took him out of his cage, he just ran toward me, put his paws on my legs, looking at me or lick my leg when I was sitting on the rug. Then he would enjoy massage with satisfied screaming. And he was so old that he would feel tired and sleepy soon, so he would just sleep on my leg later.

The nightmare came when we decided to do a long vacation with him again. We drove all the way for two days to Canada, then took the ferry to the island of Newfoundland. He passed away in Newfoundland on September 1, 2019. Most likely because he was so weak and was not able to tolerate the temperature in our car. He ate all the pellet food and all the fresh grass that were given to him that day, only drank a little bit of water. We found him in his usual sleeping pose and was not able to wake him up.

I am the killer. I'm being punished emotionally and I have been crying every day. Please forgive me, my old pig. I wish we could start over.




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bpatters

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Why are you beating yourself up? If the temperature in the car was comfortable for you, it would have been fine for him. And riding two days in a car wouldn't have done anything to him that he couldn't tolerate. He may have had a stroke, or just general organ failure. It sounds like he passed very peacefully, and that's something to be grateful for.

Nobody is punishing you for this except you. You obviously cared for him and did your best, and that's all anyone can ask. It wasn't as though he was ill and you refused to get vet treatment for him -- that would have been something to regret. Guinea pigs just don't live very long, and there's no way around that.
 

HunterRose13

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Every pig should live as good a life as yours. You took a lonely little pig and gave him a home to find his voice and a life that would be the envy of many a pig. You were blessed with more time than many of us share with our little ones. Be grateful for the time you shared and know that he is at peace. Honor his memory and your time together.
 

Guinea Pig Papa

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I am so sorry you lost your little fella. I can totally relate to your emotional state after losing such a beloved little friend.

As [MENTION=13820]bpatters[/MENTION] has said, it was more than likely just old age and nothing that you did. You aren't responsible for his death, on the contrary it sounds to me like he knew a life with a loving, devoted dad that wouldnt even vacation without him. That's an admirable trait and I'm sure he loved you as much as you did him. The fact that he passed peacefully is most definitely something to be thankful for. Believe me the alternative is much, much worse.

Cherish the time you had with him. Keep your memories close to your heart. He was a wonderful friend to you, and he wouldnt want you to feel like this. He's waiting at the Rainbow Bridge right now, basking in the sun with all his new friends and eating whatever he wants. One day, you will find him there and you can both go home together.

Rest in peace, little fella.
 

lylishaw

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Thank you everyone for the nice comments.

My pig with me two months ago:
 

Whizbang

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It is looking great.
 

Guinea Pig Papa

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He certainly is an adorable little guy. I can only imagine how much you miss him.
 

ItsaZoo

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Your little guy was so lucky to have such a good home! The love and care and adventures he experienced with you were wonderful for him. When he passed, most likely due to natural aging, he was with his family and had a full stomach of hay and pellets. He passed peacefully without pain, or chronic medical issues, which is a blessing. We should all be so lucky!

Losing a loved one is difficult, and grief is part of that loss. But don’t add guilt to the mix because you have nothing to feel guilty about. You are a good person who loved and cared for this little guy his whole life. When you are tempted to feel guilty, think of a time when you did something enjoyable with him, like snuggling or feeding a favorite food.

Take care of yourself - you have my condolences.
 

lylishaw

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It's not easy. To say is like the lose of a beloved family member is not an exaggeration at all. I have to hide my emotion from others. I know he was already senile at the time, and have to tell myself that he is now at peace, no need to suffer the health issues old guys have to deal with. Sometimes I will just imagine him screaming and jumping like he is still there with me.

Thanks again for the help. It will take time to heal.
 

HunterRose13

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Take time to grieve and find a healthy way to let the emotion out. When my baby Bella passed I took time the couple days after to do some things I enjoy, remember all the good times with Bella, and shed more than a few tears.
 

Vendition

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It's not easy. To say is like the lose of a beloved family member is not an exaggeration at all. I have to hide my emotion from others. I know he was already senile at the time, and have to tell myself that he is now at peace, no need to suffer the health issues old guys have to deal with. Sometimes I will just imagine him screaming and jumping like he is still there with me.

Thanks again for the help. It will take time to heal.
Let the emotion out and I know how it feels like to lose beloved ones. Hope, you will recover from your grief soon.
 
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