Frustrated Shared expenses for guineapigs between my BF and I

[Krymle]

So, my bf and i will be getting a pair of guinea pig sows in maybe 2-4months from now. We both have talked about it, and although it was my idea, we both agreed on getting them. He likes guinea pigs too, sitting with them watching tv, giving them veggies, etc. But he says they will be MINE, and therefore i should pay all expenses for them. But why are they purely MINE? We will both have access to them, and enjoy them. I have agreed to be the one who cleans the cage, fills the food and water bowls, etc.

I just cant see how it is fair. We have talked about getting a dog sometime in the far far future(maybe 5years +), and i sure hope so that the dog will be both of ours EQUALLY, and we will share the expenses. Why should it be different for our guinea pigs? Just because it was my idea?

 

[bpatters]

I'd get the guinea pigs and pay for everything myself, and ditch the boyfriend. That's not a great attitude he's got to build a long term relationship on.

 

[Krymle]

Yes, well, it just so happens that i love him.

But now that i know that i am not totally out of line here, i think i will have a reaaally serious discussion with him.

 

[Krymle]

Yes, but love doesn't conquer all. He sounds like a cheapskate. Are you in a relationship.........or are you roommates with benefits? Perhaps you two don't share the same core values? Core values are what really hold a relationship together longterm.......things like how you treat other people, respect, kindness, responsibility, ethics, and many other things. If he is exhibiting this type of behavior now, I can only imagine what the future could hold.

We are in a very serious relationship. He has always listened when i wanted a serious talk with him. I think maybe he just wasnt really thinking when he said i should pay for all the expenses, and maybe it is because i am a guinea-pig/animal-loving crazy lady(really crazy, and i dont really hide it that well). But thank you.. maybe my judgment is clouded. We will see by his reaction when i have talked to him.

 

[Fay]

What about if you ever have kids (If you want those or can have those that is) would they also be yours only to pay for everything and look after while he gets to play with them? As if he wants all the perks of a pet but none of the responsibility which would suggest he's either lazy or not as much into the idea of having guinea pigs as you think, since he doesn't seem to want to invest into their care.

Another possibility is that he's not sure yet about whether the relationship will last and doesn't want to commit to sharing animals by setting boundaries like that to make sure it's clear that they are your responsibility in the event of a break up. Regardless, I would sit him down and ask why he doesn't want to share responsibilities and cost for the guinea pigs. Explain that you feel it's unfair that he's claimed he wants these pets but then will benefit from all the perks of owning them and dumping all the less fun responsibilities on you. That it concerns you how this will apply to other things in your future like the dog, that you want to understand where he's coming from and see what he says.

 

[pinky]

Pay their expenses. When you break up, he could want to take them but if you're sole provider, they're all yours. My guess is, he's probably not keen on them and hope the burden of paying for them will make you reconsider keeping them. I think it's different when you're married or single. It's harder to divide up possessions when you split when you're single.

 

[Colorado Cavies]

Wow...I can't believe how fast people jump on the 'break up with him' train. SMH.

Honestly, I can see both sides. There is a difference between wanting a pet and agreeing to have them in the house. I'm VERY lucky with my piggies that my husband does all the work cleaning the cages and what not. Due to my health issues lately, I physically can't do it. Pigs are a decent amount of work and though fairly cheap for daily upkeep they can be really expensive if they get sick. It sounds to me that maybe he was okay with the idea of piggies in the house but doesn't want to be the one in charge of them. And to me that's totally reasonable. If my husband came home one day and said I love you, I love the pigs, but I can't handle taking care of them anymore I would say okay and we would have to work something out. People have limits to what they can handle financially, physically and emotionally. Maybe he just doesn't feel he can handle the extra cost or work at the moment.

I would keep talking to him about it and ask what the reasons were for not wanting to pay or be the primary care giver are.

 

[Legume Family]

I would be hesitant to adopt in your situation. A few years ago I lived with an ex who wanted to adopt a dog with me. We adopted the dog together (it was free so cost neither of us a dime), but after that I ended up footing most of the expenses. As vet bills can be pretty hefty, I wasn't too happy about this arrangement, but I couldn't get the ex to contribute. Eventually, we broke up and he took the dog after moving out. Keep in mind, he at least looked after the dog most of the time, and had a genuine attachment.

Currently, my four pets (3 guinea pigs, 1 dog) get 75% of their care from me, 25% from a bf who (1) doesn't live with me (2) came after all 4 adoptions and thus has no claim on the animals. Because he sees my care of them, he helps out whenever he can (takes sick pigs to the vet and buys them veggies when I'm short on cash). If your bf doesn't care enough about your happiness to help you, I would not adopt "with" him, period.