Judging others?

This has inspired me to make a facebook group about this i think. If you want to join, let me know!

pinky said:

That's exactly my point... "labels"... I think that's what causes the most problems and discrimination

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I wonder, is it possible to have a society that exists with no labels or categorization? It seems part of our very nature. We're social creatures. It seems like having in and out groups are inevitable.

OH and to top it off, I want to be a midwife, which is wierd. Apparently I just want to stare at lady bits all day -.-

sometimes people get way under my skin.

Carissa6729 said:

Along the same lines as this, it's ridiculous how some of the diagnosis's can receive help while others can't.

My son was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at age 3, under this, he could qualify for services through the school district but not from the government and not SSI because he was not "autistic". At age 6, they legally changed it to a diagnosis of Autism, and immediately he was qualified for SSI and all government services. Those 3 years in between, same child, same delays, could have made a HUGE difference in his life if he had the services available to him as he does now. I think it's completely unfair how just because you may not fall under the Autism umbrella, you can not receive some of the same services while you have many of the same challenges. Many of the times, and definitely in my son's case, his academic and language ability were impaired because of his social and behavioral issues.

What I found interesting was many times I've heard of psychiatrist's diagnosing children as being Autistic, although they may not have all the markers, just so they can receive the benefits that a child with Asperger's or PDD may not get.

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My son was a preemie. He was both receptive and expressive speech delayed. We put him in the early childhood program at our local school district when he turned 3 where he received speech therapy. We didn't realize he would have qualified for services before that but I doubt it would have helped. It's not the same in all states, but in IL, you can receive special services for speech related issues through age 7; then you need a diagnosis after that point to receive additional services. He's not autistic but the school district tried to force the diagnosis on us so they would get federal funds. I have a sister who has two master's degrees in special ed in a different state. She told me he'd qualify for SS if we took the diagnosis. I didn't want him to be diagnosed with something he didn't have that he would carry with him the rest of his life and didn't feel a need for him to receive social security benefits. The elementary school social worker went so far as to ask me what doctor we use. She suggested we get a complete check up to rule out everything; which we agreed to. Lucky for me, the doctor who came in to do his check up was called out of the office for a second. I saw a sticky note in his file so I looked at it. It was a message from the social worker, asking that they check him for autism. To say I was livid, is an understatement. What I ended up doing was, I went to the records dept of the clinic and asked for a documented copy of that note and took it to the school district and filed a complaint against the social worker. What she did was illegal. School employees are not allowed to contact doctors without consent. There's an actual form that needs to be completed with the IEP which we did not sign.... It ended up being a blessing in disguise, though, because it forced us to really find out why he was struggling. We had him tested by a pediatric neurologist, pediatric psychiatrist, 3 days of testing by speech pathologist at our local hospital and an audiologist. The neurologist said he was not autistic. The psychiatrist ruled out ADD and tried different meds to see if any of them helped. They didn't and even made it worse. The speech pathologist felt it seemed to show a link to central auditory processing disorder which has a lot of different subcategories. She was able to pinpoint what he was struggling with. The audiologist actually ran the tests that confirmed it and told us exactly what caused it and how to treat it. He was always a smart kid but struggled because he had a hard time understanding what was being said and couldn't communicate back, as a result. He scored a 129 IQ for non verbal skills and 115 on verbal. Once we got that diagnosis, he qualified for resource for language arts through grade 9. He didn't really need it in middle school because he had good grades but the middle social worker felt he might be bullied (which he was) so she advocated for him to continue services. After grade 9, they pulled him from all services because he learned compensation skills by that time. Teachers were good about allowing him to sit in front and away from conflicting sounds so he could hear. He got involved with different activities where he found his place and graduated. He's now in his senior year at a 4 year college with a 3.6 GPA. I don't trust what the schools try and force on you. It's really important to get independent testing to really make sure you've got it right.

It's so difficult with these issues because my autistic child has exact opposite markers then another which will have some markers but none of the others for another child. You are right, you really do have to do the research and become your child's best advocate. I went through all of our options and choices and thankfully for us, we've had a good support system through his school and through our offices we work with. I've never had issues with his IEP or having it enforced thankfully but I"ve heard horror stories of other parents who can't get anything done for their child. We went with the route of going through the government because here in AZ, it really gave us the best options for a wide array of services. Private insurance wouldn't cover everything he needed without huge co-pays and out of pocket costs plus the SSI is helping to cover costs of me having to be a stay at home mother with him. He won't qualify for any local after school programs and I'm extremely picky about who watches him since he still has a language delay at his current age, 7 and he can't express to me or even know what is right and wrong physical contact.

it's tough and I always love hearing how other parents advocate for their children. I've unfortunately been the first for many teachers, counselors and therapists and they constantly tell me I"m more involved then most parents and I sit and think what else can I do.

What scares me the most is reading these stories and wondering what lies ahead for my kids when they enter middle school/high school. I"m not going to lie, moving to the country and homeschooling has crossed my mind more then once.

madelineelaine said:

OH and to top it off, I want to be a midwife, which is wierd. Apparently I just want to stare at lady bits all day -.-

sometimes people get way under my skin.

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I think that that would be cool. I'm gonna be a vet because people pain... Not my thing.

YourSoJelly said:

I think that that would be cool. I'm gonna be a vet because people pain... Not my thing.

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Pets don't complain like people do lol, don't blame you

Carissa6729 said:

It's so difficult with these issues because my autistic child has exact opposite markers then another which will have some markers but none of the others for another child. You are right, you really do have to do the research and become your child's best advocate. I went through all of our options and choices and thankfully for us, we've had a good support system through his school and through our offices we work with. I've never had issues with his IEP or having it enforced thankfully but I"ve heard horror stories of other parents who can't get anything done for their child. We went with the route of going through the government because here in AZ, it really gave us the best options for a wide array of services. Private insurance wouldn't cover everything he needed without huge co-pays and out of pocket costs plus the SSI is helping to cover costs of me having to be a stay at home mother with him. He won't qualify for any local after school programs and I'm extremely picky about who watches him since he still has a language delay at his current age, 7 and he can't express to me or even know what is right and wrong physical contact.

it's tough and I always love hearing how other parents advocate for their children. I've unfortunately been the first for many teachers, counselors and therapists and they constantly tell me I"m more involved then most parents and I sit and think what else can I do.

What scares me the most is reading these stories and wondering what lies ahead for my kids when they enter middle school/high school. I"m not going to lie, moving to the country and homeschooling has crossed my mind more then once.

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Kids can be brutal.There was a kid who'd spit on his lunch every day. Our house was egged. They stole things from him. He had friends but they were just as intimidated as he was. At the high school, they had "secret" clubs that kids who were bullied could join to get out of lunch. My son opted to go to the library every day instead and that worked for him. My son plays three instruments. He joined marching band his freshman year and loved it. He also joined jazz band and was in Wind Ensemble. Those activities opened up opportunities where he got to go to Disney World and play at Carnegie Hall. What really turned things around for him, though, was when another kid who was in the early childhood program invited him to go to a youth group meeting at their church. It's the same faith we are so we let him go. He formed close friendships with those kids. They are still his closest friends to this day. He also got a part time job his sophomore year that helped him. There are two books I read that really inspired me and helped me cope with all of it. They were both written by economist Dr Thomas Sowell, whose son was a late talker. The books are called "Late Talking Children" and "The Einstein Syndrome."

madelineelaine said:

OH and to top it off, I want to be a midwife, which is wierd. Apparently I just want to stare at lady bits all day -.-

sometimes people get way under my skin.

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I think being a midwife is a beautiful career choice.

If I ever wanted kids, I'd use one. It's the way women were meant to give birth,imo. I'd most certainly want to give birth in the presence of comforting women. It's the way women have been doing it for ages! Giving birth naturally is powerfully sacred. I think you're a very special person for wanting to assist someone in one of their most transformative moments in life.

Have you ever read Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife? It's a worthwhile read.

I wish our own human flesh was not so taboo. Perhaps less people would be making a big deal about your career choice.
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I had a midwife with both of my pregnancies although they were both extremely high risk and I had to have emergency c-sections but from the start I wanted a mid-wife so I found one that I loved and she was there with me, as a friend, through both of my pregnancies since she wasn't able to help with the actual labor and delivery. With my 2nd, I knew from the start I wouldn't be able to have him naturally so she volunteered just to be my support and it was wonderful to have her there.

See and thats exactly why I don't want to become an OB/GYN @MissJean

I want to work with fertility and pregnant woman, but a midwife is so much more suited for me. With an OB/GYN they come, deliver your baby and that's it. A midwife does so much more. They develop the relationship, work with you post natal, help teach breast feeding etc.

To me that's fascinating. I want five kids, and as of right now I want a natural waterbirth in my own house. I've never wanted an epidural, or pain killers. The way I look at it, it's better for the baby AND it's only a glimpse of something in my life, I get to spend (hopefully) the rest of my life with my child, for a meer 9 months of discomfort and few hours of pain.

Now if theres complications I accept that, but I don't want to be induced, I don't want to be fed numerous drugs that put strain on my baby and I. I want it natural and as healthy as possible.

Hiya, just popping in here...
I feel a big reason why some people judge others that way is because of their religion. Some people are raised very strictly in their religion. I and my husband are Catholic. My husband was raised strictly with it and I was raised somewhat loosely with it. Both of us honor not getting tattoos or piercings. I mostly honor not getting them because if the doctors found a way to medically use my skin or pieces of my body for someone who needs it, I would want that piece to be perfect for them. My husband was raised to believe abortion is wrong. Even if you were raped and became pregnant, you are forced to go through that whole process with that child. Me personally, I wouldn't be able to endure that. My mental state would quickly deteriorate.

However, me and my husband won't judge someone because of their piercings, tattoos and certain type of clothes. Now if you're going out looking like you're nearly wearing scraps, something has to be wrong with you. But if you're wearing goth type clothes, I couldn't careless. It is how people express themselves.

Many of the greatest people i have known are pierced and "different" looking. I dont stretch my ears but i have a visible tattoo on my wrist AND it doesn't help its a Pagan Symbol. Yes i am Pagan, another mark against me to some people. I try to not to judge people. I like to get to know people. Oh i also dye my hair off colors. I have forever wanted to dye it purple, just haven't gotten up the guts to actually do it !!! Also i would no longer give that person your business she had no right to do that to you. Keep your head up, and be who you are. That's all that matters.

@MrWhistles I go to catholic school, although I'm not religious.

I'm very intrested in Buddhism, although I've never gotten the courage to go to the temple near me.

pinky said:

Kids can be brutal.There was a kid who'd spit on his lunch every day. Our house was egged. They stole things from him. He had friends but they were just as intimidated as he was. At the high school, they had "secret" clubs that kids who were bullied could join to get out of lunch. My son opted to go to the library every day instead and that worked for him. My son plays three instruments. He joined marching band his freshman year and loved it. He also joined jazz band and was in Wind Ensemble. Those activities opened up opportunities where he got to go to Disney World and play at Carnegie Hall. What really turned things around for him, though, was when another kid who was in the early childhood program invited him to go to a youth group meeting at their church. It's the same faith we are so we let him go. He formed close friendships with those kids. They are still his closest friends to this day. He also got a part time job his sophomore year that helped him. There are two books I read that really inspired me and helped me cope with all of it. They were both written by economist Dr Thomas Sowell, whose son was a late talker. The books are called "Late Talking Children" and "The Einstein Syndrome."

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The part about he "secret clubs" and library made me upset. They should have dealt with the aggressors, not the victims. Why deny rights to people who did nothing wrong?

MommyOfMany said:

They should have dealt with the aggressors, not the victims. Why deny rights to people who did nothing wrong?

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I could not agree more!

@Madelineelaine- despite all that you have gone/are going through, it sounds like you still have a very good head on your shoulders. I hope that you recognize that you are able to express a level of maturity and responsibility beyond many your age (based on your posts in the forum about your responsibilities and your perspective on many issues). You have a lot to be proud of.

MommyOfMany said:

The part about he "secret clubs" and library made me upset. They should have dealt with the aggressors, not the victims. Why deny rights to people who did nothing wrong?

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The problem is, the aggressors are good at taking shots when no one is looking. The clubs aren't mandatory. They're called secret clubs because no one knows about them except for the kids who get invited. It gives the kids an option. There are a lot of aggressive kids and there's no way someone can monitor everything that's going on.

:eye-poppi In 2 days this thread generated 1,282 views and 117 posts! :eye-poppi
Absolutely incredible?

I have heard before that small animal enthusiasts, such as us, have been generalized before as a pretty boring/conservative crowd. I think I would like to point out this thread to anyone who believes that! Wow, what diversity we have here!

Also to those of you in high school who have mentioned being picked on, it only gets better. Always keep your head up! I had a dreadful time in high school but once I left it was spun right on it's head. Not that I don't occasionally struggle with depression/self harm, but nothing like when I was in high school. When you are out in a larger world you will find more people like yourself, gain confidence through all your accomplishments and experiences, and it will be reinforced again and again how NOT alone you are! I also wanna throw it out there is anyone here ever needs a sympathetic ear I am here for you! Please never feel shy if you want to talk. I know how hard it can be but I also know how things get better. Hug your piggies, look in the mirror, and SMILE! It's hard sometimes but never loose sight of the goodness in the world and know you are part of it