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Windrunner

Week 5 Day 2.

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Week 5 day 2 of working from home. I'm loving being able to be home with my animals. That's one of the best parts about this; also, I love being able to step outside and read on the porch, or do paperwork outside for work, or just go out and do yardwork during my lunch break. Or go out and pick dandelions for the pigs. Just all the little freedoms that are so lovely!

But I'm also just feeling it emotionally I think. I don't know. I've been really dragging emotionally. It feels darker in my mind and my nightmares are reflecting that. I don't know how much of that is due to the pandemic and how much is due to having to wait for my surgery. And be in pain in the meantime. I hate pain. I also hate that the painkillers I'm using (ibuprofen and aleve) are both mega constipators *facepalm* so I'm in pain from that too, I already have IBS so this is just an additional issue.

I guess my saving grace is really my animals though. I keep coming back to them. Today was a celebratory sort of day as it's my younger dog's 3rd birthday and 2nd gotcha day so that was fun to celebrate for her. We took her to doggie daycare for the day so she could have her birthday celebration there and also just get some playtime and socializing in with other pups. In the midst of all of this, it's so nice to be able to distract myself from the "Real World" and instead think of ways to take care of my furbabies better. Ways to spoil them, ways to exercise them, ways to stimulate them mentally.

I really just don't like being in limbo. I want to schedule my surgery. I want to at least KNOW when it'll be a thing. I'm so tired of waiting. I'm fine with social distancing having to continue for months, I'm fine with wearing my mask everywhere, I don't mind any of that. But I just want to know if hospitals will lift the "elective surgery" ban in May or if that's going to wait til June. Hell, I'm fine with waiting til July or August if I have to. I just... want... to... know. And that's the problem, haha. No one knows. I don't like that lack of control. I joke about being a control freak but it's so true, I am. I wonder how much of that is nature versus nurture, too... I'm suspecting a lot more nurture than anything given my specific upbringing. But who knows...

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