whatever happened to kindness?

[soccergrl849]

I feel like this website is very helpful and I love to have somewhere to get information however I really feel like it is very harsh. Everyone on here just wants to do the best for their guinea pigs and rather than receiving suggestions and help I think a lot of people receive judgments and rude remarks about the work they have done for their pigs.
For example, not everyone has a great deal of space they can give to their pigs and instead of telling them that they need to make it larger we should say something like "you have done a great job, too bad you can't give them more space" What ever happened to positive words!
This is a forum for people of all ages and it should be a kind and helpful way to share and receive information not a place to be bombarded by what you aren't doing right. I hope that people who read this can be a little more accepting of each other and respect that not everyone has the time, money or space for their pigs to live in a palace but they are doing the best they can and we should all support that.

[AnimalFarm2006]

I feel the same in a way. When i first came here, I wanted to show how much i loved my jiggy, and wanted to show the progress of my store cage too my ever growing c&C cage. I tried to be nice, and yet people would yell at me for feeding them junk, or that my cage needs to be bigger, or even the coments about My old cage saying "Isn't that hard to clean?"

But heres how i feel now. This forum isn' here to make "Freinds". It's buisness. Ask a question, get out. I left this forum for a while, and just recently started coming back on because i wanted to make sure my little girl would have the best start possible while her mama was pregnant. Untill i realy need anything answered, i may disapear again.

What I would recomend is that you find yourself a forum that you can be "freinds", AND use this one as more informational. I have learned a TON from here, and while a lot of people have down right additudes, I ignored them, and just took the information and set it to good use. ^.^

I am also helping my freind into the world of gp's by letting her take my guinea pig tiger who is turning out to be a one person pig. I'm helping her with how much space she would need for a C&C, and the care. I also warned her that this forum is good for information, but don't expect to find your soul mate here. if you catch my drift?

anyway! I hope i don't anoy some of the mods by saying this.

[Myspoiltpiggies]

You aren't the first person to say this! This site has changed things for me which I am really glad about (I'm no longer breeding pigs, the pigs live inside now, they're in bigger cages, etc) but I do think a lot of what is said is hurtful. I have said this before and I will say it again, people are more likely to listen if they are told in a nice manner. If someone says something nasty to someone they are less likely to listen. For the sake of piggies, I think it would be good to see some friendly advice on here rather than unkind posts full of criticism.

[Kipsie]

I feel the same way. I've been treated with rudeness and I've even seen someone say "We've heard that excuse too many times..." when they stated that they couldn't find a piggy at a shelter. They 'had' to buy one.

[AnimalHouse36]

Originally Posted by Kipsie

I feel the same way. I've been treated with rudeness and I've even seen someone say "We've heard that excuse too many times..." when they stated that they couldn't find a piggy at a shelter. They 'had' to buy one.

This comment was directed at me.

What else would you like me to say? Perhaps; "Oh, okay since there isn't an over-population problem there you can go and make one buy supporting a petstore."? Would you like me to go and find all the posts of which there isn't an over population problem? I'd come up with quite a few in just a quick search.

Sometimes, not sugar-coating things can be taken as rudeness. We have strong beleifs and we standby them.

My old cage saying "Isn't that hard to clean?"

That didn't seem rude at all,

I will continue this in an hour when I have time.

[Myspoiltpiggies]

I do think saying "Isn't that hard to clean?" is a little bit rude because it just seems like they are trying to pick out faults. When this forum is all for 'bigger is better' it just seems a bit arrogant to then go and say that! I guess, if the person asking the question is thinking of making the exact same size and shape of cage, they may need to know first, but apart from that it seems an unnecessary question.

[Kipsie]

Originally Posted by AnimalHouse36

This comment was directed at me.

What else would you like me to say? Perhaps; "Oh, okay since there isn't an over-population problem there you can go and make one buy supporting a petstore."? Would you like me to go and find all the posts of which there isn't an over population problem? I'd come up with quite a few in just a quick search.

Sometimes, not sugar-coating things can be taken as rudeness. We have strong beleifs and we standby them...

I think this is another example of rudeness. Some people on here are so easy to jump on you for the simplest things.

I didn't want to start a fight. I didn't use your username for a reason. Actually, I didn't even remember who you were. All i'll say is that sometimes you do have to go out of your way and 'sugar-coat' things to not hurt someone's feelings.

[NicholsS10]

Originally Posted by CavySpirit

I've been busy, but I've been meaning to get back to this thread. I wanted to comment on this post.



I know you mean well here. And I'm definitely okay with not sugar coating things. But I'm actually not okay with your example of a good response. Quite frankly, it's too much. It's over the top. I'd prefer the "innocent until proven guilty" approach. I don't think we need to start out by hitting them over the head with a baseball bat--which is what your second example sounds like.

If someone, ESPECIALLY a NEWBIE, comes on and in their first posts, casually--even proudly--mentions that they bought their pig from a pet store or breeder, I'd prefer something like the following:

"Welcome to the forum! yada yada yada.... Like most of us starting out, many people don't realize that guinea pigs as well as cats and dogs are in the shelters and rescues and are in dire need of homes. There's a lot of info here on this forum and site that's pretty eye-opening about the behind the scenes workings of pet stores, breeders and the pet trade industry. I hope you find it as enlightening as I have once you've been here awhile. Again, welcome!"

It "introduces" the message without beating them up about it. And if they get defensive, tread lightly. It's human nature.

When people have graduated to being "Cavy Slaves"--ie, they've been around a while, and want to stir it up on the issues, well, then intelligent debate is welcome.

[Ly&Pigs]

This site is about the pigs first and foremost. There is a rule that says post with "tact". If people can't follow that rule, it's not the staff's fault.

It's also all in how you read and perceive posts. One person can read on thing one way and read something else differently. It doesn't necessarily mean something is rude, it's just your perception making it seem rude when it may not be.

This site is also about larger cages than petstore cages. We aren't going to tell people it's ok to house their pigs in petstore cages, plain and simple. We are about getting people to create larger spaces for the happiness and welfare of their cavies. So you aren't really going to hear, from the experienced people anyway, that it's ok to house your pig in a petstore cage for any reason. We are always going to try to find a way for people to be able to try and create larger cages for their pigs. And some responses may come across as rude or mean but I really doubt they are intended to be that way.

This isn't a cotton-candy fluff filled forum. It's never been that way and I doubt it will ever be that way.

And by the way, there are many other posts just like this one here in this section.

[CavySpirit]

First of all, I'm really tired of broad accusations in these whining threads. If you are going to complain about we are all sooooo mean, then I want links to EXAMPLES. We AVERAGE over 200 new posts a day. You are making it sound like a good majority of posts are mean. So I want to know which which ones they are.

Originally Posted by soccergrl849

For example, not everyone has a great deal of space they can give to their pigs and instead of telling them that they need to make it larger we should say something like "you have done a great job, too bad you can't give them more space" What ever happened to positive words!

...respect that not everyone has the time, money or space for their pigs to live in a palace but they are doing the best they can and we should all support that.

And NO. I absolutely do not accept that someone can't carve out a few more square feet of space from their lives to give their animals the room they REQUIRE. Nobody needs a pat on the back for that from anyone.

If you don't have the time, money and space, then you shouldn't have taken on the responsibility of animals. Go buy a stuffed toy.

Granted we should be polite in posts, but no one needs to coddle people who manage to get to this forum, register and post and are still doing things wrong about their cage size.

[akstrohm]

Having pets is not a right. In my opinion, if you cannot afford the time, space, and money required to take proper care of guinea pigs, you should not have them. If you don't have space for a larger cage, that does not mean that a smaller cage is now perfectly fine. If you can't afford proper food, that does not mean that poor food will now suffice. This forum is meant to give the best advice possible, not make everyone feel like whatever they are doing for their pigs is automatically wonderful.

That said, it is also important to be polite and tactful so that members who do not know about proper care will stick around, do some research, and become better owners rather than get offended and leave.

[Paula]

Originally Posted by CavySpirit

So I want to know which which ones they are.

I think the thread that inspired this one is here - http://www.guineapigcages.com/forum/...variation.html.

[Kipsie]

Here's another one:

http://www.guineapigcages.com/forum/...new-piggy.html


They seem to be saying all the right things, but they're making it seem as if it's all her fault. Actually it is, but they don't need to point it out like that.

[Ly&Pigs]

Just for the record, the original poster is the one who need to provide links to back up their arguments.

[soccergrl849]

I would like to start by saying, I can tell there is a lot of devoted guinea pig owners here and i understand where you are coming from. I think I should have phrased my original topic better by saying that people should just be more respectful. As far as I'm concerned, people who join this site care about their pig and want to improve their quality of life, isn't that what this site is all about?
I know that I can read into things more so then was intentionally meant and I agree with Ly and pigs that things can be written and read differently. I am not someone who likes conflict and to be pointed out on things that others don't approve of.
I think there is nothing wrong with suggestions but I the key element is something you learned way back in elementary school, respect. If there are several other posts putting down that person then find something else to say. We all have to remember that internet is different than talking in person and sometimes when i read what people have said to others I just hope they wouldn't say that to someone's face in person.
I would like to know if it is appropriate to in the future of posts allow other members to encourage kinder words by commenting on a forum reminding others to be kind and not scare each other away. Is that okay for us to do? Maybe by helping each other out by being understanding of each other's emotions.
I apologize if this opened a hard topic. I will try to hold a tougher skin around here and I hope that others who read this can remember to compliment eachother too.

[dra&pigs]

Originally Posted by soccergrl849

We all have to remember that internet is different than talking in person and sometimes when i read what people have said to others I just hope they wouldn't say that to someone's face in person.

Actually, if I saw some of the conditions that I've read about on here, I would say it to their face. Because, all kindness and tact aside, the animals are still suffering. And that isn't fair, and thats what I joined this site to help change. I'm really tired of people who whine.

Edit: Argh, can someone explain why my quotes never work??

Edit by Ly: It's because your quote tags were not complete. Each end has to have the [ and ] around them and the last one has to have a / before quote. So it would be [ / quote ] but all together.

[seraphina]

My mother always said "You get more flies with honey than you do with vinegar". The Majority of us on here are passionate about our pigs, and therefore have stark opinions based in fact for what those pigs need to live.

But if someone is ill informed about how to care for their pig, it might be best to use the 'kid gloves' and tact a little to encourage them to do the right thing. Aggression might just drive the person away from this site, and that, is not in the best interest of the animals, since this forum is a great wealth of knowledge and often a great resource for all of us, from what I can tell in my time here.

It is important to correct those not using practices that are helpful to pigs in general, but it might best to do it in a way that the those being corrected will be most receptive too.

Otherwise, they'll probably just become defensive, and not change anything for their pigs.

[dra&pigs]

Originally Posted by seraphina

Otherwise, they'll probably just become defensive, and not change anything for their pigs.

Eventually, you figure out most of them become defensive anyway.

[pennykit&amanda]

Originally Posted by dra&pigs

Edit: Argh, can someone explain why my quotes never work??

You forgot the "[/" on the beginning of the end of the quote.

Back on topic, I will agree that some people can come off a little strong sometimes. But most of the time, it's needed because the person becomes defensive about what they do or did.

[dra&pigs]

Thanks so much pennykit&amanda. :)