Well, chew me up and spit me out...

[Tarot]

Two years ago, my son begged me for a tortoise. I did my research and took him to pet stores and decided that the requirements for a tortoise were far too complex for an autistic 6 year old.

He fell in love with a white guinea pig at Pet Smart. In 6 years, he had never asked for anything, and so, I indulged him. I didn't rescue a pig, I didn't do research, I just gave my son two pigs and promised to do my best in caring for them.

It was my special needs son, my "retarded" son, who originally brought me here. The irony is that in my earlier search on oxbow hay, I came across the word "retarded" being tossed around like it was nothing. Then, I saw that people are jumped on when they don't care for their pets to the specifications on this board. Its completely hypocritical to be so PC about Guinea Pigs and so nonchalant about Humans.

I've never actually seen a board that has a need for a forum where people post how unfairly they are treated, but I can absolutely see why its needed here. I spoke up about the offensive nature of "retarded" in its relation to my life and its impact on a community's perception, and the thread was closed because it was "stupid and useless."

In the real world, words like "retarded" have strong repercussions. Its sad when my children have better manners at age 10 than certain other members or adult-age moderators on a community such as this one.

sahara or whatever your name is, please, feel free to close this, too.

[NicholsS10]

I hate how the word "retard" and it's variations are tossed around in the real world too. I also hate how people toss the word "gay" around in real life. However, I have NEVER come across those words on this forum. If it is a problem, then I personally believe it should be addressed. However, I spend multiple hours a day on this website, and I have never come across those words being used here. You said that the thread was closed down. Could you find another example and post a link to it? I would like to see what you are talking about.

[Myspoiltpiggies]

I just read that thread and even though, yes it is bad that the word 'retard' can mean so many things now, negative things, but Gooberific isn't the only one. A majority of the people living in this world use it to mean 'stupid'. When we say that we don't mean people with mental disabilities. Gooberific did not mean it in the way you are pretending she did, and you know it. You are just making an argument.

[Paula]

Nobody called your son retarded. Actually, if you go back and look, nobody called any PERSON retarded. It's a word, and I'm sorry, but your kids are going to hear such things in the "real world," fair or not. It's the value you assign to it, and what you teach them to take from it that gives it meaning.

Yes, it was a poor choice of words and the original poster acknowledged that and aplogized for it. Considering it wasn't meant as anything directed towards a person or group of people, that's the best thing that can happen. There's no value in punishing a person for making a poor word choice, particularly when she recognizes the mistake and attempts to make amends for it.

Beyond that, the thread was closed because it no longer had any value as to what it was originally started out as, which was a discussion on buying supplies from pet stores that sell animals. It certainly wasn't a statement as to any group of people, and it seems to me that's what you're taking it as and trying to make it into.

Please, go back and consider the context of the word, and hopefully it will help you to gain some perspective here.

[VoodooJoint]

I think it was made clear in that other thread that the term "Retarded" was found offensive and not condoned (at least not by me). However, the way it was was being taken out of context and the way the thread had gone off topic was getting ridiculous.

No one was attacking mentally or physically challenged individuals. One member decided to (purposely?) misinterpret what a member said and made an issue of it.

Let's end this now shall we?

I expect everyone to use their best, politically correct language and terminology from now on.

[sophistacavy]

Excuse me, but why has this sort of thread been posted in this area? I mean, what does this have to do with "Why can't we all get along?" ? :confused:

Its too bad that you have had such a poor experience on here so far. But, you're a newbie, and you only joined this very month. I have been here for a little over a year now, and I've never noticed moderators being mean on purpose. The mods, hence the name mods, wouldn't do that. They control the members who act mean, but they would never act mean themselves.

Also, there is no such thing as "the specifications on this board". They're more like the only way(s) to properly care for your guinea pig. They have 0% to do with this board, anybody could have told you anything on this board, anywhere, anytime.

Also, one of my good friends has a little broter who is autistic. Autistic children are not mentally retarded, and they don't have mental retardation. They suffer from autism. Mental retardation is a term applied to people/children with down syndrome, or so I thought. Whatever, correct me if I'm wrong.....but let's stop this thread before it starts, so-to-speak, like VoodooJoint said.

[Amsley246]

Mental Retardation can be used for a variety of mental illnesses. But anyways, We should probably all just watch what we say and how we throw some words around. It's not that hard a thing to do, and it's the polite thing to do. I'm sorry you've been upset or hurt by any comments by some members Tarot, hopefully it never happens again.

[sophistacavy]

Sorry, I didn't know that it could be used for a variety of mental illnesses. ;)

And yes Tarot, I too hope that you have a much better experience on here, and that all the information can help you, your son, and your guinea pig.

[Amsley246]

Lol, it's ok, we can't possibly know everything! Otherwise we would be here!

[gooberific]

Tarot, I'm deeply sorry that I gave a jumping point to something that has offended you. I did acknowledge my bad choice of words, and apologize for it.

From now on, I promise to attempt a re-read of my posts when I am writing heatedly before I post them so I can (hopefully) catch things like that.

Thank you to all the people who knew what I was trying to get across, and for posting the information.

[salana]

Tarot, I closed the other thread because it had become Adorable's personal vendetta against practically everyone, and did not need to continue. The point that the word "retarded" is offensive is not stupid and useless, but the discussion in that thread is not effective or rational. I closed the thread to stop the damage, calmed down so I could rationally deal with it, and then calmly wrote my opinion and handed out the necessary infraction. I am pleased that gooberific is going to post with more care from now on, and I am sorry that my closing the thread came across to you as some sort of minimization of your upset feelings when I intended it as damage control.

[Adorable]

My personal vendetta? I’m not the one who took that thread off topic in the first place and I’m obviously not the only one offended by whatever use of that word.

I was told to speak up and be the change I want to see recently, and then I’m told to zip it, targeted, given a poo and my thread was closed. Tell me again, who was whining?

[Adorable]

And, before anyone is given a chance to say that I should move on…

I’m not the one who brought it over to this thread after the other one was closed. I’m also not the one who singled anyone out, like two Mods on this thread have done to me. Instead of responding here, should I have started yet another new thread? Is it too much to expect for the Mods to address this one for the issue the OP has, and leave my name out of it?

[Tarot]

Originally Posted by NicholsS10

I hate how the word "retard" and it's variations are tossed around in the real world too. I also hate how people toss the word "gay" around in real life. However, I have NEVER come across those words on this forum. If it is a problem, then I personally believe it should be addressed. However, I spend multiple hours a day on this website, and I have never come across those words being used here. You said that the thread was closed down. Could you find another example and post a link to it? I would like to see what you are talking about.

It was a chance encounter and I'm not about to get more offended by searching threads :)

Originally Posted by Myspoiltpiggies

I just read that thread and even though, yes it is bad that the word 'retard' can mean so many things now, negative things, but Gooberific isn't the only one. A majority of the people living in this world use it to mean 'stupid'. When we say that we don't mean people with mental disabilities. Gooberific did not mean it in the way you are pretending she did, and you know it. You are just making an argument.

The word "retard" means a whole lot when its used as an insult toward your son. I realize it was not intended as an insult, and I'm not making an argument, I am merely speaking up for those of us who have to face that word on a daily basis.

Its kind of like when people call guinea pigs "rats" - sometimes it strikes a nerve when someone or something you love deeply is insulted. Do you correct those people, or do you let it go?

Originally Posted by paula.m.moore

Nobody called your son retarded. Actually, if you go back and look, nobody called any PERSON retarded. It's a word, and I'm sorry, but your kids are going to hear such things in the "real world," fair or not. It's the value you assign to it, and what you teach them to take from it that gives it meaning.

Yes, it was a poor choice of words and the original poster acknowledged that and aplogized for it. Considering it wasn't meant as anything directed towards a person or group of people, that's the best thing that can happen. There's no value in punishing a person for making a poor word choice, particularly when she recognizes the mistake and attempts to make amends for it.

Beyond that, the thread was closed because it no longer had any value as to what it was originally started out as, which was a discussion on buying supplies from pet stores that sell animals. It certainly wasn't a statement as to any group of people, and it seems to me that's what you're taking it as and trying to make it into.

Please, go back and consider the context of the word, and hopefully it will help you to gain some perspective here.

I have a lot of perspective on this. More than you can even imagine.

Originally Posted by VoodooJoint

I think it was made clear in that other thread that the term "Retarded" was found offensive and not condoned (at least not by me). However, the way it was was being taken out of context and the way the thread had gone off topic was getting ridiculous.

No one was attacking mentally or physically challenged individuals. One member decided to (purposely?) misinterpret what a member said and made an issue of it.

Let's end this now shall we?

I expect everyone to use their best, politically correct language and terminology from now on.

Don't think for a minute that I am jumping on a bandwagon. If this was another board, a PTA meeting, a political rally, I'd say the same exact things.

Originally Posted by sophistacavy

Excuse me, but why has this sort of thread been posted in this area? I mean, what does this have to do with "Why can't we all get along?" ? :confused:

Its too bad that you have had such a poor experience on here so far. But, you're a newbie, and you only joined this very month. I have been here for a little over a year now, and I've never noticed moderators being mean on purpose. The mods, hence the name mods, wouldn't do that. They control the members who act mean, but they would never act mean themselves.

Also, there is no such thing as "the specifications on this board". They're more like the only way(s) to properly care for your guinea pig. They have 0% to do with this board, anybody could have told you anything on this board, anywhere, anytime.

Also, one of my good friends has a little broter who is autistic. Autistic children are not mentally retarded, and they don't have mental retardation. They suffer from autism. Mental retardation is a term applied to people/children with down syndrome, or so I thought. Whatever, correct me if I'm wrong.....but let's stop this thread before it starts, so-to-speak, like VoodooJoint said.

I've been dealing with autism for 6 years now, I know the difference. People who don't have experience are inherently ignorant of their word choices.

Originally Posted by Amsley246

Mental Retardation can be used for a variety of mental illnesses. But anyways, We should probably all just watch what we say and how we throw some words around. It's not that hard a thing to do, and it's the polite thing to do. I'm sorry you've been upset or hurt by any comments by some members Tarot, hopefully it never happens again.

Actually, there is a DSM diagnosis for true mental retardation. With the range of neurological disorders around, its no longer a "catch-all" like it was.

And thank you ;)

Originally Posted by sophistacavy

Sorry, I didn't know that it could be used for a variety of mental illnesses. ;)

And yes Tarot, I too hope that you have a much better experience on here, and that all the information can help you, your son, and your guinea pig.

Thanks :)

Originally Posted by Amsley246

Lol, it's ok, we can't possibly know everything! Otherwise we would be here!

I know everything, just ask me :D

Originally Posted by gooberific

Tarot, I'm deeply sorry that I gave a jumping point to something that has offended you. I did acknowledge my bad choice of words, and apologize for it.

From now on, I promise to attempt a re-read of my posts when I am writing heatedly before I post them so I can (hopefully) catch things like that.

Thank you to all the people who knew what I was trying to get across, and for posting the information.

I do understand what you were saying, I just have to speak up about how its perceived by others.

Originally Posted by salana

Tarot, I closed the other thread because it had become Adorable's personal vendetta against practically everyone, and did not need to continue. The point that the word "retarded" is offensive is not stupid and useless, but the discussion in that thread is not effective or rational. I closed the thread to stop the damage, calmed down so I could rationally deal with it, and then calmly wrote my opinion and handed out the necessary infraction. I am pleased that gooberific is going to post with more care from now on, and I am sorry that my closing the thread came across to you as some sort of minimization of your upset feelings when I intended it as damage control.

I don't even know how to respond to this fairly.

I understand that many people feel words like "retarded" and "gay" are acceptable, but they aren't, no more than racial or ethnic slurs. I am offended, and I appreciate the apologies, but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

As for my kids hearing those words in the real world - if people don't speak up against them, then there is no chance of ever eliminating them as insults. Mental retardation is a reality, and its not an insult when used properly, but that is rarely the case outside of a therapeutic environment. Kids learn these words from adults and older kids who should know better. These are the kids who call my son retarded. See where I'm going with this?

I am willing to bet that at least one person will now think twice about using "retarded" in his or her daily communication. That is what matters.

[Paula]

Originally Posted by Adorable

I was told to speak up and be the change I want to see recently, and then I’m told to zip it, targeted, given a poo and my thread was closed. Tell me again, who was whining?

There’s a difference between speaking up for something that’s clearly wrong and making a problem out of something just because you can.

Originally Posted by Adorable

I’m also not the one who singled anyone out, like two Mods on this thread have done to me … Is it too much to expect for the Mods to address this one for the issue the OP has, and leave my name out of it?

Do you honestly think people wouldn’t be able to go back and realize that you were the one who created the issue in the other thread? It’s not really calling you out or singling you out as much as it’s stating the obvious.


Tarot - my intention is not to minimize what is a legitimate concern on your part - but I think you've gotten caught up in the middle of something else, something between "Adorable" and some others. We've all agreed here, and in the original thread, that the choice of words was wrong and should be avoided in the future. The original poster, Gooberific, acknowledged as much and said she'd do her best not to let it happen again. The issue you have (and rightfully so), at least in my eyes, is a separate issue than the one "Adorable" was trying to stir up in the other thread.

[Adorable]

Originally Posted by paula.m.moore

Do you honestly think people wouldn’t be able to go back and realize that you were the one who created the issue in the other thread? It’s not really calling you out or singling you out as much as it’s stating the obvious.

People will see what they want to see. Just like this person is being accused of being caught up in whatever you think I was doing I was doing in the other thread.

How hard would it have been to say:

It was a poor choice of words and I'm sorry it offended you.

Instead of:

Well, it's all Adorable's fault because she's just trying to stir up trouble!

Seriously, which would have been the adult way to handle it?

[babybunny]

The point is, that after many apologies the issue is being dragged up over and over.

[Paula]

Originally Posted by Adorable

People will see what they want to see.

You'd certainly know.

Originally Posted by Adorable

Just like this person is being accused of being caught up in whatever you think I was doing I was doing in the other thread.

It's not so much an accusation as it is an observation. Tarot has a legitimate concern, that the word "retarded" is used too loosely and without consideration of the ramifications it might have. You, on the other hand, clearly chose to take Gooberific's poor choice of words on Wal-Mart AS A COMPANY and turn it in to something that it was surely never meant to be - an attack on people with disabilities or mental deficienies.

Originally Posted by Adorable

Seriously, which would have been the adult way to handle it?

The only person who had anything to apologize for was Gooberific. She did so tactfully and with respect, or as you put it, "the adult way." Anything anyone else said about you blowing things out of proportion or stirring things up is secondary to that issue.

[Adorable]

Originally Posted by paula.m.moore

Tarot has a legitimate concern, that the word "retarded" is used too loosely and without consideration of the ramifications it might have.

That was my legitimate concern also, no matter how you want to see it. Why would you assume that I have some axe to grind with the person who said it?

Perhaps because you are so rabid about everything I say???

[Paula]

Originally Posted by Adorable

Perhaps because you are so rabid about everything I say???

Not surpisingly, you are missing the point. And I'm actually not going to continue trying to help you understand it, or "drawing you a roadmap" to it.