*sighs* I want to be a vegetarian but I can't :(

[Justin]

Originally Posted by Biscuit

I will say, I didn't enjoy some perfectly tasty foods for a long time, and could be defined as having had "food issues..." primarily because of the overly harsh restrictions and attempts to force me that my parents put on me.

Originally Posted by Weatherlight

HERSHEY'S Topics in Nutrition: Children's Eating Patterns: Abstract

Thank you for the source. It was a good reading. It also gives concrete support for what my wife has been telling me... I thought it was her wild guess without proofs. I guess I will tell her she was right and try the new method. Life is full of learning.

[Weatherlight]

And hopefully it's not too late for your kid. I'd also tell the kid she was right and that you'll be trying the new method. Hopefully apologize too for the distress you caused her, even if your intentions were good.


Here's something to keep in mind: The Golden Rule applies to dependents, too. Most adults would not enjoy being intimidated into eating what they hate, and into keeping quiet if they'd prefer another food. Wow, the ramifications would be interesting if I said I don't like one food and would rather eat another, and my partner and/or housemate was/were so furious I was afraid to do it again. If those types of things became the norm in our relationships, that would be saying a lot.

Young children don't know everything, but that doesn't make them stupid. Adults don't know everything, and when they should know better, that does, IMO, make them stupid :P Adults by default have power over children, whether they admit it or not, try to use it or not, try to abuse it or not. Emotional power is the strongest of all, in the case of children and attachment figures--children are genetically wired to compulsively trust, love, and depend on parent figure/s unconditionally. It's a survival mechanism. When the parent figures become reasons for experiencing fear, pain, submission, intimidation, guilt, etc, those set the standard for the rest of their lives. It is the adult's responsibility to explore all the facts and options when making decisions on behalf of another life, sometimes against their wishes. Those wishes should be factored into those decisions. Children sometimes don't know what's good for them, but sometimes they do.

It is sad that in many societies, power struggles between parents and children (and in other relationships) are widely accepted and even considered necessary. Especially sad when the only alternative is considered to be raising children without boundaries of any sort, resulting in impulsive, thoughtless people with no self-control. It doesn't have to be that way.

Invalidation


Not sure what you mean by moral flexibility. I'm sure you're already aware that children can grow up accepting, even embracing, the beliefs of their parents, then reject them later on, to the point of being horrified by the ways they were led to think and act in ways they now consider immoral.

[Justin]

Originally Posted by Weatherlight

I'd also tell the kid she was right

Does it count if I do that while she is asleep? No, I will do that when she gets up.

Originally Posted by Weatherlight

Not sure what you mean by moral flexibility.

I was hoping that she wouldn't be too moral. Have a degree of immunity against own guilty conscious and sufferings in the world. So enlightening won't bother her so much as it bothers someone else in this forum. I guess I am wishing her to be insensitive, but wouldn't it make her happier?

Originally Posted by Weatherlight

children can grow up accepting, even embracing, the beliefs of their parents, then reject them later on,

I am insecure in my beliefs and might easily change in the future. Meanwhile, I will keep my fingers crossed.

[VoodooJoint]

I agree, this thread will stay closed. A lot of what I'm reading is or borderlines on personal attacks of lifestyles.

I must say that claiming someone may suffer "unbearable stress, guilt, and shame for having eaten meat when she was five years old" is so incredibly dubious that it's laughable. I ate meat until I was 16 years old. After I became a vegetarian I caught my father trying to sneak meat into my food a couple of times. Did is scar me for life? Not one bit. I simple didn't eat anything he cooked from them on. Do I feel regret, stress and shame for having eaten meat for 16 years? Nope, not a bit.

When I became a vegetarian my parents were against it. In fact my grandmother wept and wailed and said I was going to die. I was independent enough to go to the library and check out books about vegetarian living and health and some cookbooks too. When my mother saw that I was serious and was also willing to do my own cooking if necessary she actually went out herself and visited a local hospital that was run by a sect of vegetarian nuns. She talked to their nutritionist (also a veg nun) and came home with loads of info about healthy vegetarian living, how to make it easy and it certainly took a load off her mind. From then on she 100% supported me even though my father thought it was a "phase". On several occasions she stood up to him for me. Since then my father has changed his tune, supports me, and adores to cook vegetarian for me when I visit.

If a minor has the ability to cook for themselves if necessary and the willingness to educate themselves to do it right then they should absolutely pursue their desire. But if they are unwilling to take full responsibility for their diet and health, their parents will not support them at all or refuses to allow them to do their own cooking (for whatever reason right or wrong) then they have no choice but to abide by their parents' house rules. I do not feel a parent is abusive (to the child) for feeding their child meat any more then I think it's abusive for them to give their kid a piece of candy.

This is not a discussion of abuse. It is a discussion of how a child can, if possible, become a vegetarian against their parents' wishes. It's simply not always possible. In most cases a parent has their child's best interests at heart even if the child doesn't agree. My son certainly doesn't like it when I make him eat vegetables but I'm not abusive by insisting he do it.

If a minor wishes to get a vegetarian point across to their parents they need to be smart not obstinate. Simply refusing to eat meat is not enough and is risky to their heath as you will not get what you need to thrive and grow simply from standard meal side dishes.

If you want to become vegetarian then GET SERIOUS. Take charge of your life and educate yourself and be willing to take over your nutrition if necessary. If that doesn't work then you will have to wait until you reach a point in life to truly take over.

[MoeJoe]

I think that you have the right to choose what you eat. I went veg when I was 11, and I love it. It feels great. Show her that you know how to and will eat responsibly.

[snickersthepig]

Take her to chooseveg.com and let her watch the video on the front page. I think it might change her mind. Goodluck!