Love Me, Love My Tofu

[envisionary333]

Hi everyone, this is my first post in this forum as I am neither vegan nor vegetarian. (However, I've become very interested in the subject and I've been sneaking in here to read your posts lately. I feel intrigued, guilty, ashamed, and depressed about the whole thing. I was raised eating a lot of meat and unhealthy, processed foods, and I'm a college student living alone and don't know how to cook, so my diet needs a serious overhaul at this point. It's really bad.)

Anyway, I just noticed this article and I thought I would post it in case it is of interest to anyone here. It's about the struggles of being in a relationship with a meat eater/ vegetarian when you are vegan. I found it interesting.
For Vegans, It Ain’t Easy Dating Green - Newsweek Society - MSNBC.com

[Maisiepaisie]

I'm still single and have only had a couple of short term (3 months) relationships since I split from my kids dad 8 years ago. I want a vegan partner ideally. I'd give vegetarians a chance but if they didn't ditch the dairy within 6 months or so I'd say goodbye. I realise I'm severely limiting my chances of finding a happy relationship but I'd rather be on my own than settle for second best. I really can't bear the idea of anyone bringing animal products into my home and certainly I wouldn't want them to cook and eat them with my pans and plates

[thalestral]

I've been vegetarian for over a year now and vegan for a few weeks. My partner went vegetarian a few months after I did and he supports my vegan stance which has made my life so much easier, especially now my mum is freaking out about it!

The way I see it, both of us are doing what we can to follow our ethical beliefs and both of us are doing more than many people ever achieve. It took me years to become vegetarian in line with my beliefs, so I don't expect anyone else to convert straight away.

I also believe that if people are to become vegan they have to do it in their own time. Jon reads all the literature that I do and we have regular discussions over the issues that I am still trying to work out my position on (eg. keeping carnivorous pets). But he is completely understanding of my choices and any meals we eat together are vegan

I can see how some couples might find it an issue but I think the relationship dynamics have as much impact as the different lifestyles themselves.

[PiggieMamaKelly]

I just want to say that I don't cook that much either. You don't have to be a cook to eat decent vegetarian food. I eat red beans and rice a couple times a week, veggie burgers, burritos, quesadillas, veggie sandwiches, bagels, eggs, spaghetti, soups etc etc. All of those things take only a few minutes.

You might want to look at Rachel Ray's 30 minute veggie cookbook. Many things have few ingredients, are simple to make, and of course take 30 minutes or less.

[HowietheGreat]

Me too piggiemamakelly. I am also a huge fan of boiled broccoli smothered in mushroom marinera with Garden Burger mushroom burger, cut up on top. A great alternative to pasta (way too may vegatarians consume massive amounts of carbs in the beginning and gain weight) and it tastes great. Garden burgers are way better then boca burgers and they come in various flavors-the black bean is really good too.

[PiggieMamaKelly]

Mushroom marinara on brocolli!! That sounds amazing. Is there a recipe for the sauce or do you get it in a jar?

I am a big fan of a similar but far worse brocolli sin. A couple times a week I steam up a bunch of brocolli and colliflower (sp?) and drench it with cheese sauce. Sort of takes the healthy out of the brocolli, and of course not suitable for vegans, but so delicious!

[Susan9608]

I'm vegetarian ... sometimes vegan .... and my husband is not. He's actually a pretty big meat eater, though he eats far less now that he's married to me. Our agreement is that I don't cook it, buy it, or clean up after it.

We'll raise our children as vegetarians as much as possible, but we're both realistic enough to know that a) we can't control everything that our kids will eat, especially when we're not around and b) at some point, our children will have to make their own decision about whether or not to eat meat. They might very well choose to take after my husband, rather than me.

If you'd ditch a partner just because they don't follow your same dietary habits, what will you do if your children decide not to be vegan? And what about your friends? Do you require that your friends are all of the same mind set as well? Where do you draw the line?

I think you have a much better chance of finding happiness AND spreading the word about vegetarianism/veganism if you don't place limits on your associations with people simply based on diet. Is it hard to be with someone who doesn't share the exact same beliefs? Yes, of course it is. Is it possible? Yes. But can people change? Of course they can.

[HowietheGreat]

It is out of a jar-I will let you know the kind next time I pick it up. I think it is the Three Brothers Brand-but I need to see the label. I sometimes buy fat free chedder cheese (already shredded) and throw that on top. Not vegan but really good. My meating eating boyfriend took a bite and agreed it was really good. He is open to eating all veggie from time to time. I still believe he could be converted. I agree Susan. I think as long as they are empathatic to your beliefs and supportive-that is what truly matters. My boyfriend is my biggest supporter and he really loves animals, though he still eats meat. Recently I have asked him to consider not eating pigs and he is. The fact that they are 2nd in intelligence only to dolphins haunts me. His compassion level runs deep though.

[TrekkiePiggies]

When my boyfriend eats at my place I either cook tofu (he's from a Vietnamese family so tofu is a normal thing for him), Indian food (which we both like), or I make up some of the "not quite meat" patties, nuggets, cutlets, etc. by Morningstar Farms or Quorn, which have a familiar shape, aroma, and texture, being rather like chicken nuggets under the breading. Plop one in a bun or next to some steamed veggies and rice, or mix the fake sausage into marinara sauce over pasta or polenta, and it looks a lot like a "regular" meal. Sometimes the familiarity factor is great for helping a reluctant meat-eater along. Heck, I can even get my hardcore meat-eater dad to eat the Quorn Cutlets!

[Maisiepaisie]

If you'd ditch a partner just because they don't follow your same dietary habits, what will you do if your children decide not to be vegan? And what about your friends? Do you require that your friends are all of the same mind set as well? Where do you draw the line?

Both my children eat vegan at home. My 12 year old is vegan by choice but my 14 year old eats veggie outside the home. I'm disappointed that he's not completely vegan but at least I can ensure he gets healthy meals when he does eat at home. I have friends who are meateaters but the reason I require a partner to be vegan is because otherwise I know the relationship could never lead to much and we could never live together. I see my home as my sanctuary, the one place I can escape from the outside world and not have to deal with people eating animal products. I feel great about the fact that my fridge has never been contaminated with dead animals or milk stolen from cows. If I lived with a partner who wasn't vegan it wouldn't be like this and there'd be no escape for me and I really do need a place to feel safe. I won't have anything thats caused pain and suffering in my home. I believe it all brings negative energy.

[socal805]

What an interesting article. As a vegetarian (not vegan) I could never be with a partner who ate red meat. Before I met my husband I couldn't stand to date meat eaters. It wasn't so much that I thought they were wrong in what they ate but being around red meat made my stomach turn. I also found that the thought of kissing someone who had just eaten a big hamburger made me want to gag!
My husband does not eat red meat (and didn't when we met) now but eats chicken occasionally. It bothers me that he does eat chicken but he knows I won't cook it for him or have it in the house. I make all sorts of vegetarian dishes for the family and my fridge and cooking supplies have never been tainted by any meat at all. I do know that if my hubby suddenly started eating red meat I would not leave him or do anything drastic but I do know for sure that I would have NEVER married him in the first place if he had been a meat eater!

[ortal]

way too may vegatarians consume massive amounts of carbs in the beginning and gain weight)

That was my experience when I went veg as a child. It was the main reason I went back.

Now that I am trying it again, I hve been buying different frozen veggie meals and burgers and fake chicken. Today though, I tried fake veggie chicken breasts, and I am sure part of it had to do with the fact that I made it in the microwave, but it was HORRIBLE. One of those foods that sit in your stomach and just kind of linger.

[wheeky-UK]

I find this thread very interesting. Everyone should be able to do and eat as they choose and should not influence others if they choose differently than you. I am a meat eater and do not plan to become a vegetarian. I do my part however, i only eat free range eggs and hardly ever buy meat from superstores. The meat I do buy are from local sourses that slaughter their own animals in a much more humane manner.
This does not make me a bad person, I am aware of what goes on and how it is done.

The fact that a few here would dump people just because of what they eat is terrible. I admire people who stick to their beliefs but to segregate others who do not believe too, is going somewhere i dont like.

I also cry and cant watch a lot of these videos and documentories about animal cruelty, which is why i do try and find sourses of meat which does not correlate to them.

I am not a religious person and believe strongly in evolution and how as a species we ate meat to survive and evolve. This however is going off subject but it is one of my reasons for sticking with meat.
Im sure most will not agree with me at all, but there are farmers out there who do care and love their animals, and so also slaughter them in the most humane way possible.

If there is no suffering, there is no reason why you can't eat meat.

[Maisiepaisie]

The fact that a few here would dump people just because of what they eat is terrible. I admire people who stick to their beliefs but to segregate others who do not believe too, is going somewhere i dont like.

I'm not sure if this was aimed at me or not. I don't turn my back on people because they eat meat although my closest friends are vegan but I do have meateater friends as well. When it comes to a partner though I don't want a meateater. Don't we all seek a partner who is similar to ourselves, same culture, same religion, at least some common interests? Why is wanting a vegan partner any different? I would also completely rule someone out if they smoked, didn't like animals, were in favour of any form of animal cruelty (fishing, hunting,vivisection etc) or refererred to my pigs as 'it' rather than s/he. I only recently realised that last one put me off someone completely.

[wheeky-UK]

I wasnt pointing at anyone in particular, i only meant that I would never rule anyone out completly because of something they do or believe. That is hugely unfair in my opinion. Over time people may change and to not even try, even if everything else is perfect, i think is wrong.

I dont smoke, but i used to go out with someone who did. In the end we moved on because of a completly different issue. I was with him for who he was and I had an amazing time. If I said no at the beginning just because he smoked and i didnt like that, i would have missed out on meeting a great person.

Wanting a vegan partner is absolutly fine, I just dont like the idea of completly ruleing people out, thats all.

[PiggieMamaKelly]

People have a right to choose to date whomever they want. I could rule people out if they had big feet if I wanted. Dating doesn't have to be an "equal opportunity" sport. We're not talking about hiring someone for employment, or letting them into a college. Dating is a personal choice, and if someone wants to date only vegans I see no problem with that.

[thalestral]

I also think making statements on a vegetarian support board like " If there is no suffering, there is no reason why you can't eat meat." is very unwise. Many veggies believe there is suffering behind any meat, including so called happy meat.

I see animals as no different from humans so in my eyes there is always suffering and death. I would find it hard to be with someone who did not respect my views and why I believed what they did was wrong. I have plenty of omnivorous friends and family who respect my views as I respect their right to do as they so want. But with the person you share your life with differences of opinion have a much bigger role to play.

If my partner had chosen to stay un-veggie it would have not been a problem as we have a solid foundation. If I'd been vegan when we met though it would certainly have made things a bit more difficult, so I can quite understand people being wary. The sad fact is that a lot of people are not very understanding of vegetarians and especially vegans, often immediately becoming overly defensive about their happy meat or right to eat animals.

[wheeky-UK]

I think people are getting the wrong end of the stick of what i was trying to say. Of course people can date anyone they choose, i am not contesting that. I just wanted to express my opinion and talk about what i believed, i have the right to do that.

I was just very surprised that many here, probably most, will be that drastic with their beliefs. I have never met anyone like this.

thalestral said:
"The sad fact is that a lot of people are not very understanding of vegetarians and especially vegans, often immediately becoming overly defensive about their happy meat or right to eat animals."

I could say exactly the same thing about vegetarians. I have never met a vegetarian/vegan who is understanding that i eat meat. They always try and convert me, and dont just leave me the way i am. I am not trying to convert anyone here to eat meat and i dont wish too.

[Maisiepaisie]

I have never met a vegetarian/vegan who is understanding that i eat meat. They always try and convert me, and dont just leave me the way i am.

Thats because there's not enough of us and we want to make more Seriously though, I try to convert people because I'd love nothing more than for everyone to be veg*n. The less people are eating meat, the less animals are suffering and dying. If I was vegan for health reasons only and didn't care about animals then I wouldn't care whether people ate meat or not.

[wheeky-UK]

I really do understand and kinda envy your strong beliefs. Eating meat is all iv ever known but like i said before I do not eat meat from those horrible slaughter houses, they make me ill.
Animals are my life, i have a degree in zoology and have helped publish books about the wonders of wildlife and conservation.

However i do have a confession and must say that after watching many of the films people have posted on this forum, i do watch what i eat more often and do not eat as much meat as i used to. its just very difficult.