Struggling With Being Veg

[Love4Piggers]

Hello All,

Just wanted to vent the frustration I'm having with myself, and maybe get some advice and/or support.
When I was in my late teens, I decided to go vegan, basically overnight. But I already had one big thing ruled out of my diet, so it made it not such a harsh transition... I was severely allergic to all dairy products, no matter how small an amount. I mean, I was one of those people whose Mom (and I learned to do this, too) had to read every label, I mean everything, down to things like taco seasoning packets, which some surprisingly contain small amount of dairy. Even things that say "non-dairy", almost 100% of the time, contain "casein", or "sodium caseinate", which are milk proteins. Those of you that are used to reading labels, you know how a lot of products that don't actually directly contain dairy, have a warning underneath the ingredients that says something to the effect of, "This product was manufactured on equipment that is also used to make dairy products" ? Well, yep, I was one of those people that had to avoid anything that said that. Even when I was prescribed a medication from my doctor, I first had to look up the full U.S. Prescribing Information, and read all the inactive ingredients in the pill, because many prescriptions contain very small amounts of lactose. Any contact, direct or indirect, with any dairy whatsoever, and I went into full anaphylactic shock. My throat closed up, and I couldn't breathe. I had to carry around an Epi-Pen (epinephrine) intra-muscular injection and an emergency inhaler with me everywhere. So yeah, when I became an adult and was going out with friends without my mom, I learned REAL fast what not to eat. I was a major pain in the you know where, any time I went out to eat, because I always had to speak directly to the chef and know every ingredient in what he was going to prepare for me. Same thing when I was invited to eat at anyone's house. I hated it so much. ANY way, so I was already very educated at avoiding dairy, and when I went vegan, it really wasn't that much of a lifestyle change for me. I was used to being a pain in restaurants, and all the label-reading, and was already well accustomed to the taste of soy. So I was very strict about my veganism for about 4 years.

Then one day a couple of years ago, I accidentally ingested a small amount of dairy. I was in a panic, Epi-Pen in hand, ready for the worst. And I waited.... waited some more.... nothing happened. It was a frickin' miracle!! So I went to the doctor, and she said that it's not uncommon to "outgrow" food allergies once you become an adult; but said that if I chose to experiment further, to be very cautious, and don't just dive into a big glass of milk or anything. So I experimented just a little here and there, to see if the allergy really was gone. And I slowly, slowly worked up to trying milk. No reaction. And unfortunately, I loved it. And I soon found out I loved cheese, too. I began feeling so deprived, for being unable to consume these things in the past. But I stayed the course with not eating meat, and stayed what I guess you could call a lacto-vegetarian. That means I consumed dairy, but not meat or eggs.

Well, I had been gaining a lot of weight. And I was fooled, by my (ex)doctor, into eating some lean meats in the place of some of the soy, which she said would help me lose weight. So I tried a few bites of chicken, after 4 years of no meat. I felt sick at first, and could barely get it down. But I was desperate to get the weight off, so I kept making myself eat a little meat here and there. Okay, so fast forward a couple years, I will be 25 years old end of this year, I am very overweight, and now regularly consuming meat and dairy, because I guess I realized, that with 4 other people in the household that all regularly consume meat and other animal products, that it is just so much easier, now that I am able, to just eat what everyone else eats. I am also very ill and had to stop working, and have been on Social Security Disability for several years now. I won't go into all my health "challenges", but I get really tired and worn out at just a little exertion or stress, and I just don't feel like I can handle going head to head with my family about this again. So I am constantly beating myself up inside, I hate and feel sick at the fact that I am going against something I believe in so strongly. I haven't had much of an appetite lately, and whenever I eat meat I want to throw up. But I just don't know what to do. I don't know if anyone here will even know what to say to me, or what advice to give. And if you don't know what to say, I understand, believe me. I am at quite a loss myself.

Maybe just venting will help, who knows. Still want to cry over this issue constantly, though.

[iluvmypigclover]

I'm so sorry- maybe you should not eat so much dairy now that you can! Always have the low-fat stuff, and if the meat makes you sick, don't eat it. I'm a vegetarian, and I always make sure that I have low-fat dairy.

Now, there are good vegetarians, and junkfood vegetarians- that could be contributing to your problem, so just try to be as healthy, and happy of course, as you can be! If your against it, don't do it. There are alternatives.

[Love4Piggers]

Originally Posted by iluvmypigclover

I'm so sorry- maybe you should not eat so much dairy now that you can! Always have the low-fat stuff, and if the meat makes you sick, don't eat it. I'm a vegetarian, and I always make sure that I have low-fat dairy.

Now, there are good vegetarians, and junkfood vegetarians- that could be contributing to your problem, so just try to be as healthy, and happy of course, as you can be! If your against it, don't do it. There are alternatives.

Thank you for the response, iluvmypigclover. It means a lot that you took the time to say something. Yes, don't worry, ever since I have started drinking milk, it has always been fat-free and organic. I like going with low-fat or fat-free with other forms of dairy as well, organic also when possible. For instance, I like organic fat-free yogurt on occasion. Luckily my mom prefers fat-free/organic when it comes to dairy as well, so there's no butting of heads here.

Boy, you are sure right about there being good vegetarians, and junkfood vegetarians. I learned that, too. Back when I first went vegan as a teen, I was taken in by all the vegan "junkfood", (and boy there is sure a lot of it,) and was definately not the good kind of veg. But that changed, until I was pretty much a total raw foodist; that is, my diet consisted of uncooked veggies and fruits, (I juiced often, too,) and I received most of my protein from raw seeds, small amounts of nuts, and some healthy raw grains, soaked and sprouted, such a quinoa, raw oat groats, etc. I also supplemented my diet with some healthy fats, such as 2 TBS. of coconut oil a day in my morning smoothie, and Omega 3's from flax seeds. It got to where my worst indulgences were a little raw cacao in my smoothies, and young coconuts, when in season. I consider what my diet evolved into to be quite healthy. But despite how healthy I was eating, and that I kept a good exercise regimen, I began to get sick. Really sick. I stayed the course and continued the same way of eating, and continued to get sicker, for months. I was trying to ignore the pain I was feeling and how sick I was getting, and tried to convince my mind that I was healthy and happy. Because, after all, I was doing everything right, I thought. But sometimes, for reasons unbeknown to us, a person can do everything they're supposed to do, and their bodies still continue to fall apart and unravel. I don't have answers, but this is the hand that was dealt me and I have to work with what I've got.

Maybe I could quietly cut back on the dairy as a first step, without getting too much resistance from those around me. Maybe start drinking some soymilk again. Doesn't seem like much, but maybe it is something....

[thalestral]

When I went vegetarian I found that I gained weight as I was eating so well compared to what I had been before, but my weight did go a little past where I was comfortable with it being.

When I gave up dairy though those pounds came right back off and I now feel a lot more healthy and energised than I did before. I believe that dairy is actually addictive, so even when you think you don't consume that much it's usually just your mind trying to make you feel better x) I drank hardly any milk for example but I loved yoghurt and ice cream and when I think back to how much I ate of it now, even though I didn't have it every day I ate a heck of a lot!

I think gradually cutting back your dairy might be a good thing, though I have heard it said that it's better to go cold turkey as otherwise the addictive properties really work against you the less you have of it. I found that when I cut it completely I had to deal with an upset stomach for a few days which worried me but after a week I felt so much healthier. As you can probably tell I'm a big believer in going dairy free for health reasons alone

[Love4Piggers]

Well, I have some really good news. I have been growing more emotional about this issue, and last night it all came out to my mom, in a rather emotional plea. I was so afraid of starting an argument, or how she might react. But she actually said that she has been feeling somewhat bothered by eating meat lately, too, and basically that she didn't mind buying some vegetarian things! I was so happy. And this morning, she went to the store all on her own, and instead of coming home with meat, cow's milk, and a bunch of refined carbohydrates and junk food, she came home with several kinds of fruit, soy milk, and Boca patties! (Had my first glass of soy milk today in a long time, forgot how much I liked it!) I am feeling quite encouraged needless to say.

So maybe I will be able to get back on the right track after all.

[HowietheGreat]

That is excellent news! It sounds like you are making all the positive changes that you need to feel good again.

[TrekkiePiggies]

Originally Posted by thalestral

I believe that dairy is actually addictive, so even when you think you don't consume that much it's usually just your mind trying to make you feel better

It sure is! Especially cheese. Cheese contains natural opiates--including morphine. If that's not addictive, I don't know what is.

Here's a good article on kicking the cheese habit:

Casein and Cheese More Addictive Than Chocolate?

I used to drink about 3.5 gallons of "conventional" milk every week. Milk was like coffee--I just couldn't get started without at least a pint of it every morning. When I went on a tour in Europe (where apparently milk is not a common beverage), I literally went into withdrawl. I finally managed to find a shop with some UHT milk (the kind you get in boxes which can be stored unrefrigerated until opened), and I drank the whole half-gallon in one sitting. I'm amazed I didn't puke.

However, after I watched Earthings and realized that no, those Holsteins aren't out in an idyllic grass field all day but are chained to feed troughs indoors, I cut my consumption down to one gallon a week, or less, and switched to Clover-Stornetta Organic, which comes from pastured cows and is certified by the Humane Society. It costs three times as much, so I try to make each gallon last as long as possible as a sort of test. I've switched to mostly drinking unsweetened soymilk and in the mornings I can do just fine with water or some unsweetened iced green tea. I have to be more careful to get my protein and calcium from other sources, though, so I take calcium citrate every day and watch what I eat a little bit better.

I agree that it's best to go cold turkey on the dairy. What I did was I'd buy one gallon of milk and some boxes of soymilk, and say, OK--This is the only milk I can have all week. If I run out, all I get is soymilk for the rest of the week. I quite like soymilk, but it's just not the same as cow's milk, you know? That method worked really well for me. I ration my milk for times when I have a bit of chocolate or something else like that. And I don't feel like I need milk anymore.

[Love4Piggers]

Thalestral and Trekkie, I definately am a believer in the addiction factor of dairy. As I mentioned in my initial post, I had a severe allergy and wasn't able to touch dairy with a 10 foot pole. So as soon as I discovered that the allergy was gone and I started experimenting with dairy, I went NUTS!! I was eating blocks of cheese, drinking about a half gallon of milk every day, eating boxes of mac & cheese, well you get the point. I felt that I had been deprived of this wonderful thing, and my dairy consumption went totally out of control. It was almost like a drug, and I got hooked fast. It was so weird.
Any way, I would like to break myself of dairy, and go dairy-free, only this time by choice, and without the ever-present paralyzing fear of it.

Thanks for the replies guys, and thanks for the article Trekkie, I will check it out.

[envisionary333]

Originally Posted by TrekkiePiggies

It sure is! Especially cheese. Cheese contains natural opiates--including morphine. If that's not addictive, I don't know what is.

Really? So is that why I always crave pizza when I'm depressed and why cheese is my favorite food? I have a serious addictive personality, and I'm positive this has carried over to my food choices- I crave sugar, coffee, carbs, you name it. Most things that I really enjoy become an obsessive compulsive behavior, but fortunately that also applies to some good things- like caring for my zoo and working out.

[TrekkiePiggies]

Sounds like we have a lot in common, Envisionary! I gotta take pills for my OCD though...

[Love4Piggers]

Ha ha, this is weird. I have been diagnosed with OCD, too. Have tried pretty much all the meds approved for OCD, but it has thus far been totally med-resistant. As far as all the other meds I have to take, don't even go there.

So that's it, I feel better now... eating too much cheese can be blamed on our medical condition, LOL! (Still want to kick the habit, though.)

[TrekkiePiggies]

Yeah! Stupid cheese. *kicks cheese*

I've had to try several meds, but Luvox seems to work really well at the moment. It's so infuriating having to try meds and getting all the side effects with no help for the original problem. Have you tried Cognitive Therapy? It can help as much as medication if done right.

[ctinaw]

So sorry to hear about your struggle. I was a vegetarian for about 3 years in my late teens. The result of a paper I wrote on animal cruelty. It wasn't that I was trying to make a statement of any sort, I didn't go out of my way preaching the way of the vegan and whatnot, but it literally sickened me to even think of eating meat.

Well, obviously since I said -for 3 years - this didn't last forever. I don't particularly remember why I started eating meat again, but I made the mistake of eating one of the worst things possible for my first meat - McDonalds chicken mcnuggets! Gah - what was I thinking. I was rolling sick that night and realized - gee that was dumb and - I am going to have to reintroduce meat gradually if I am going to eat it at all.

So if I was a vegetarian for only 3 years with that reaction, I can only imagine what dairy and meat would do to someone who hadn't eaten it for much longer! Your body didn't know what the heck it was even dealing with! It's like you trained your body throughout your life to process certain foods and then you throw a rock in there!

If you want to eat meat again, you may want to speak with an experienced dietician who is familiar with vegetarian diets. They would probably be the most help to you.

But also - let the decision be yours. Don't feel pressured to eat meat because it is easier - because everyone else around does - because you don't want to rock the boat, etc etc. I mean - it's makeing you physically ill to do so. I think any good friend or family member would have to respect that and be supportive.

Good luck!

[PiggieMamaKelly]

I have a really intense desire to give up dairy. I think dairy is totally unnatural for us to be eating, and the people I know who've given it up for health reasons rave about the results. But I just don't see how I could do it. Every single thing I ate today had dairy in it. Even the unexpected, like in a protein bar.

I think the biggest problem is that I don't even know what I would eat without dairy. I can think of a few things, but not enough to make a month's worth of balanced meals. Plus I freak out when my mind wanders- "What about cheese, what about ice cream, what do I put on my bagel, potato cheese soup, aahhh!" I wish there was a "Giving up Dairy for Dummies" book.

[thalestral]

I found these two sites really useful for learning about how to give up dairy:

http://www.vegansociety.com
Viva! - Vegetarians International Voice for Animals

The hardest part is realising that it means giving up a lot of ready made and processed food, and to begin with a whole lot of label reading! I can't just go out now and pick up a vegetarian meal or most quorn dishes as they all have dairy (or eggs) in them. The best thing to do I think is to get some vegan cookbooks, or look up some vegan recipe websites, and get cooking.

I'd never made a proper meal by myself in my life before But when I turned vegan I churned out some fabulous Gado-gado, a tofu couscous salad, Pad Thai, as well as baking a chocolate cake and a banana loaf They were all really simple, quick and cheap to do as well.

Then there is seeing what alternatives there are. For milk you have all the soy milks of various sweetnesses and flavours, rice milks and nut milks which you can find in most supermarkets and health stores. There are soy yoghurt, soy ice creams and soy cheeses too. You can make your own cheese out of cashew nuts and nutritional yeast... you can eat even better than before but it does involve some research and some more cooking on your part.

This site has a ton of recipes:
Memorable Entries

And Vegan Freak has a lot of links to helpful websites of all sorts, along with a list of good books: