My moms little rant about me being vegan...

**attackofthebear** · #1 08-19-07, 09:33 pm

I've been a vegetarian for a little over 5 years and a vegan for a few months. Well I just got back from the grocery store where my mom basically blew up when I told her I wouldn't pick up her half a chicken and gallon of milk. I am always that way with meat so it was no suprise.
On the way home she started talking about how fossil fuel is something I should be against and that I shouldn't be riding in her car. About a half a block away from the house, she kicked me out. I ran home because I'm scared of the dark. When I got home and helped carry in her grocerys she started throwing everything, that she bought, that was vegan, onto the ground and told me to put it on ice.
She also stated that I shouldn't be feeding my dogs because they eat meat, but I believe dogs are supposed to eat meat, and that I could be forced to go to a medical rehab center and forced to eat meat. While defending my choice to eat a vegan diet, she started saying, in a rude sarcastic way, that I knew everything and should go get a job and live on my own. I just said I knew a lot about my diet.
Anyway, since everyone in my family eats meat and dairy and kind of makes fun of me for my choice, I couldn't really go to them because they wouldn't listen. So I decided to talk about my moms problem with me being vegan here.

**Ly&Pigs** · #2 08-19-07, 09:52 pm

It's your choice and you have a right to defend your position to her. I feel she was throwing rather "childish" tantrums if she was throwing the vegan food on the floor and throwed you out of the car. I really don't think that even a rehab center can force you to eat meat.

Maybe you just need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her and explain why you prefer being vegan and don't want to eat meat. I see no reason you should be forced to eat anything you don't want to eat.

**Fluffy_Guinea** · #3 08-19-07, 09:57 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ly&Pigs

It's your choice and you have a right to defend your position to her. I feel she was throwing rather "childish" tantrums if she was throwing the vegan food on the floor and throwed you out of the car. I really don't think that even a rehab center can force you to eat meat.

Maybe you just need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her and explain why you prefer being vegan and don't want to eat meat. I see no reason you should be forced to eat anything you don't want to eat.

I agree all the way I'm thinking of becoming a vegetarian and my brother keeps telling me it's stupid so I understand a little bit. But I agree that you should have a talk with your mom just try to avoid shouting matches like I tend to get into with people

.

**heatherbunnie** · #4 08-19-07, 09:59 pm

I wonder why she is so against you being vegan? I agree with Ly, that she was being very childish. It must be hard when your family won't support your choice. I think you should talk to her, good luck.

**CavySpirit** · #5 08-20-07, 10:42 am

I don't think it's that she's necessarily against you being vegan. It's that she's quite pissed off that you couldn't help her out with what she considers a very simple errand/request. She might feel something like, 'after all I've done for you, blah, blah, blah...' and you with your supposedly high morals, blah, blah, blah can't do this one simple thing for me. So then she takes it out on you big time.

You need to pick your battles and pissing off your mother that way just might be one worth avoiding. You are not going to convert her. She's still going to buy the chicken. You have not 'saved' that chicken by not buying it 'for' her. You've only really eroded your own support in the home.

Anyway, that's my take on the situation.

In a similar situation but with a significant other, where there is an agreed upon understanding that you won't buy his meat, that is different. I think if I were at the store and my mother asked me to buy her meat for her, I probably would. It would be highly inefficient to make her drive to the store to buy it herself and rather inconsiderate of me (in my circumstance in my family).

**samoews** · #6 08-20-07, 11:04 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by CavySpirit

I don't think it's that she's necessarily against you being vegan. It's that she's quite pissed off that you couldn't help her out with what she considers a very simple errand/request. She might feel something like, 'after all I've done for you, blah, blah, blah...' and you with your supposedly high morals, blah, blah, blah can't do this one simple thing for me. So then she takes it out on you big time.

You need to pick your battles and pissing off your mother that way just might be one worth avoiding. You are not going to convert her. She's still going to buy the chicken. You have not 'saved' that chicken by not buying it 'for' her. You've only really eroded your own support in the home.

Anyway, that's my take on the situation.

In a similar situation but with a significant other, where there is an agreed upon understanding that you won't buy his meat, that is different. I think if I were at the store and my mother asked me to buy her meat for her, I probably would. It would be highly inefficient to make her drive to the store to buy it herself and rather inconsiderate of me (in my circumstance in my family).

I was going to write almost the same thing! Well said, CavySpirit!

**attackofthebear** · #7 08-20-07, 01:42 pm

Talking to her may help but she tends to get over things very quickly so bringing it back up probably won't help matters. Honestly, I think it will make her get upset again. For now I will just drop it and hope it doesn't come back up again. Thanks for the feedback.

**muffin** · #8 08-20-07, 03:18 pm

I agree that your Mum was being really childish in chucking you out of the car in the dark and throwing food on the ground. That's not adult behaviour. It sounds like the sort of petty thing my Mum would do to prove a point. She may be thinking to herself that you were being selfish by not getting the chicken and wanting everything worked out around you (not true, but that's maybe how she sees it), so she perhaps decided to make the point (badly) that you're not the centre of the universe. Feeding your dogs meat but not getting meat that she asked you to get is probably what is underpinning her rage. Parents are strange beings. Sometimes lots of little things add up and they just flip. Everyone does now and again, but for different reasons. I would suggest that you just stick to your guns and keep up being vegan if it's what you want to do, but if the rest of your family eats meat, just deal with that as best you can. Just remeber that one day when you have your own place you don't need to touch meat unless you want to, that's the sort of thought that kept me going when things got bad at home. It's not easy, but I'm sure she'll get over it soon.
*hugs*

**RustBucket** · #9 08-22-07, 02:42 pm

I also agree that it was childish for her to throw you out of the car, but I think you were very wrong in this case. You choosing to be vegan is fine for you, and as I understand it your mom has tried to work with it. But being vegan is a choice and you cannot force it upon people. Like you mother has to work around your choices and cater to you, you should respect her choices and do the same for her, especially since this is your mother and she cares for you and gives you a place to live.

Clarissa · #10 08-23-07, 01:34 pm

you are very brave for sticking up to your mom like that! it was the right thing to do

**Love4Piggers** · #11 08-24-07, 01:21 pm

I agree that refusing to pick up that chicken for your mom is not going to save a chicken. She's still going to get it any way, and all it did was create unnecessary tension between the two of you. Now she did act very childish and had no right to throw her own daughter out of the car after dark; and I definately understand where you were coming from, I was the same way for a long time. But I learned the hard way that you can't convert your family if they're not open to it. I became a vegan when I was a teenager, and used to constantly try and convert my mom. Sometimes I would try and use "shock treatment" by sending her PETA videos/pictures, or telling her the horror stories of factory farming and all that. It never worked, and to this day, (I'm now 24,) she still eats meat. In fact, everyone in my family loves meat. Holidays can be especially hard if you're vegan. Can't eat anything they prepare, even vegetables, because they are drenched in butter. Pumpkin pie has evaporated milk. Etc. Etc. And of course, the turkey. So when I was a teenager, I started making tofu pumpkin pies, and cooking a Tofurky in the oven every year, and learning different things I could prepare for myself for the holidays. And of course, you get hassled by family members that don't understand why you won't eat what they have prepared. It's a fine line, learning to politely refuse, without offending anyone.

Well, I don't know how I got off on that... LOL. Anyway, hang in there, and I hope you and your mom can learn to live peacefully together, and just agree to disagree, if that's the way it has to be. Good luck.

**Alusdra** · #12 08-24-07, 07:22 pm

Well it sounds like you are both pretty stubborn and quick to temper. What your mom did was totally uncalled for, but she was probably thinking something along the lines of 'now she won't even pick up some milk?!?' as that's the quintessential run to the store. I would suggest in the future you pick up food for your mom even if it is meat/ animal product. She is giving you free room and board and probably supporting you in other ways, too (like buying the vegan food in the first place, even if she did throw it on the floor.) Hopefully that will be a good compromise and you can avoid having to run home in the dark again.

As an aside- I think a lot of our dishes at Thanksgiving are vegetarian/vegan, though not because anyone in our family is... but we like the Can't Believe better than real butter (who knows why?) which is ok, no? Some of the stuff gets cooked with beef/chicken stock, though, but with little modification it could be vegan. It seems very insensitive for families to accommodate vegetarian members, though. How hard is it to make a dish or two vegan? Most vegan recipes I've tasted are delicious and would make an excellent addition to a feast. We always manage when a vegetarian/vegan friend or relation comes over for a meal.

**PiggieMamaKelly** · #13 08-25-07, 12:59 am

Sadly, many of the I can't Believe it's Not Butter products are not even vegetarian because they have gelatin in them.

yetifemme · #14 09-11-07, 09:31 pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by attackofthebear

I've been a vegetarian for a little over 5 years and a vegan for a few months. Well I just got back from the grocery store where my mom basically blew up when I told her I wouldn't pick up her half a chicken and gallon of milk. I am always that way with meat so it was no suprise.
On the way home she started talking about how fossil fuel is something I should be against and that I shouldn't be riding in her car. About a half a block away from the house, she kicked me out. I ran home because I'm scared of the dark. When I got home and helped carry in her grocerys she started throwing everything, that she bought, that was vegan, onto the ground and told me to put it on ice.
She also stated that I shouldn't be feeding my dogs because they eat meat, but I believe dogs are supposed to eat meat, and that I could be forced to go to a medical rehab center and forced to eat meat. While defending my choice to eat a vegan diet, she started saying, in a rude sarcastic way, that I knew everything and should go get a job and live on my own. I just said I knew a lot about my diet.
Anyway, since everyone in my family eats meat and dairy and kind of makes fun of me for my choice, I couldn't really go to them because they wouldn't listen. So I decided to talk about my moms problem with me being vegan here.

I found it a lot easier to be vegan when I moved out of my parents' home. It does suck to have to defend yourself to someone who's not really interested in understanding your reasons in the first place. There are a lot of vegan communities on the net, though, and the moral support does help.

...My parents stayed with me for a while just last month, and I fed them lots of vegan meals. It was awesome.

**TrekkiePiggies** · #15 09-12-07, 02:22 am

Quote:

Originally Posted by Love4Piggers

Holidays can be especially hard if you're vegan. Can't eat anything they prepare, even vegetables, because they are drenched in butter. Pumpkin pie has evaporated milk. Etc. Etc. And of course, the turkey.

In the same way that not buying a chicken for one's mother is not going to save the chicken, not eating turkey at Thanksgiving will not save the turkey. I am vegetarian, but I will not go into another person's home and refuse their cooking, or ask them to prepare something separate for me. I just go ahead and have a bite of the turkey.

I do not wish to slaughter an animal for consumption unless it is absolutely necessary. However, if the animal has been slaughtered, I do not wish to see any part of it wasted. I will eat the meat put in front of me, because it would be an insult to the cook and to the animal for me to waste the meat.

**Maisiepaisie** · #16 09-12-07, 04:13 am

Surely someone else would eat the Turkey and it wouldn't be wasted? by eating the turkey it would appear that you are condoning eating animals and that doesn't help the animals. Explaining to the host that you are vegetarian before the meal is a good idea and may offer you the opportunity to explain why you don't eat meat. Meat eaters would never change if no one ever took the time to explain things to them. If your eating meat though for whatever reason, I'm sorry but you're not a vegetarian.

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