Convincing my husband to go vegetarian?

[Tessa Bea]

I'm a lifetime vegetarian who married a guy who was raised on a farm in Texas. He's very "Meat and potatoes", and though I've secretly done all I can to wean him off of meat (All he gets here are processed chicken patties and lunch meat, soon I'll only buy Morningstar 'chicken' patties for him...) every time we go out he gets a steak, lobster tails, ham, ya know- something that USED to be alive. It breaks my heart to see the man I love so much ripping apart defenseless animal flesh with his eating utensils, hands, or teeth.

He respects my vegetarian views, but I wish I could somehow magically sweep both of us into a full vegan lifestyle. Does anyone have any suggestions?

[JD In Van]

You married him as a meat eatter. You'll probably have to live with it.

I have a strict diet that excludes major food items (wheat mostly) for health reasons I had to reconcile long ago that my partners aren't going to change their eatting habits for me any more then I'm going to change mine for them. I expect that meals we cook to eat together will be amicable (and safe for in my case) both of us but meals eatten out of the house will be what ever goes.

[Tessa Bea]

He does feel bad about eating animals, which makes me have hope that maybe he'll somehow eventually make the switch.

I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have food allergies! That must be tough.

[JD In Van]

You just get used to it. My daughter had to learn young to make things like sandwiches for herself cause I can't touch her bread while I'm prepping my own food for example. I keep things like cheerios and crackers and gluten filled foods down in lower cupboards where she can get them herself.

It's MUCH harder for me dating though because it's really hard for me to find resteraunts that won't accedently contaminate my food, and I really do not trust people to cook for me unless they have a solid understanding of allergies and sensitivities. Stil I need to know what's in absolutely everything before it goes in my mouth which frusterates people who don't understand.

As for your husband, I guess it depends on why you're a vegitarian. If it's for moral reasons perhaps you could ask him to switch to free range & organics and more humane options if he's going to eat meat for now. And that will increase his awareness at least.

[Tessa Bea]

*nods*

...and that's what I've been trying to explain to him, that though he grew up on a farm with happy cows and livestock, most of the animals that are produced for consumption aren't allowed to live like that. Factory farming is an ugly scar in this nation's way of life. I told him this morning that I'm going to try to go vegan, and he was supportive- but worried about how to cook me breakfasts on the weekends. Omelets are his specialty... I'm not sure if there are any egg alternatives?

Regarding restaurants, I used to work at one and it is REALLY difficult to avoid contaminates in the kitchen, what with things being cooked in the same general area. I probably would never eat out if I had food allergies, you're brave.

[Tdchewy]

Why would you try to change someone? If you are a vegetarian, that's great, but you can't expect someone to not eat meat because you don't. If the situation was reversed, you probably wouldn't like being told what to eat all the time. I know I wouldn't like that. I do eat meat personally, but completely understand other people's reasons for not doing so. If you really love your husband, you would let him make up his own mind.

[Res Judicata]

I do not know if actually trying to wean him off of stuff secretly is the best course of action. It is being sneaky and he might resent it. It is encouraging that he wants to change, but you should not force it. People have to change themselves, not be changed by others. I am vegetarian, my husband eats meat. We have compromised on the whole food issue. I cook 2-3 vegetarian dinners a week for the whole family, and if he wants to have steak, he can go out buy it himself and cook it himself.

[poopysmom]

I agree with TDchewy, if you love someone, you wouldn't want to change that person unless that person really wanted to change. Have you ever thought about it from his point of view? He wouldn't force you to eat meat, why are you making these changes and "force" it upon him?

Did he complained when you feed him those fake chicken meat (which is sooooo bad you be better off giving him real chicken meat from nutrition point of view). but he still eat it anyway. So, I honestly cannot blame him if when you go out for dinner, he order himself stuff like that. Poor bloke, he is probably lacking major protein, not to mention good w-3 and w-6 from his regular meals not to mention important micronutrients like iron (although some vegs have iron like spinach, best source is in meat), iodine (main source is seafood), etc...

Overtly processed food is really really bad. That is not a good way to wean him off meat. Think of his health as well. If you really thinking of getting him to switch, get some proper advice from a nutritionist or a dietitian (certified one!)

[Res Judicata]

There is absolutely no reason to assume that just because the OP's husband's meat consumption has been cut his health is at risk. She came here for advice, not to be told that vegetarianism is automatically bad for you. If you follow a well-balanced diet, then you can get the protein and vitamins you need without meat and it is rather rude to assume that the OP's choice of foods is lacking in nutrition without knowing everything she feeds her husband.

[Tessa Bea]

THANK you, Res.

I've been a veggie since I was 9, and I'm perfectly healthy. James likes fake chicken patties just fine, and is okay with not eating meat in the house. Since posting this, he and I have actually talked about the issue more. I figure I'll just get used to him eating meat in public over time, but he's willing to let me spend a little more money and go to local markets where animals are treated humanely before slaughter.

[Paula]

Poor bloke, he is probably lacking major protein, not to mention good w-3 and w-6 from his regular meals not to mention important micronutrients like iron (although some vegs have iron like spinach, best source is in meat), iodine (main source is seafood), etc...

It's extremely presumptuous and insulting for you to deem her husband a "poor bloke" who's lacking in nutrition because she's attempting to encourage him to transition to a vegetarian lifestyle. News flash - you don't need meat to live, and a diet without meat is well capable of meeting each and every nutritional requirement a person has.

That said, Tessa, you married him knowing he was a meat eater and if he's willing to make some changes in his diet, that's great, but they really should be on his terms, so I think it's a far wiser course of action to buy meat of animals that's been humanely treated than to attempt to rearrange his entire diet unless he's completely willing to have it rearranged.

[fieryone]

I agree with the majority of the folks in this thread. I don't think that you would like him to try to change you into a meat eater or sneak meat into your food because he didn't approve of your diet. You knew that he was a meat eater when you married him. Even though you don't agree with his diet, I think it's something that he would need to change on his own. Over time that may happen, but I don't think trying to change him is the best course of action. People don't typically like to be changed by others.

I am not a vegetarian, though I was for a few years. I am once again working on eating less meat now that I have more ideas for meatless dishes than I did before and I may eventually make the switch again, but we'll have to see. But my husband is a meat and potatoes guy and while he's fine with eating less meat, I don't think he will ever be a vegetarian. I know this and it's his choice.

[blackarrow]

If you really love your husband, you would let him make up his own mind.

I agree that deception is not a good thing (if that's what she means she's been doing - I don't think it's possible not to realize the only meat you're getting served at home is processed, and I don't see how that helps matters anyhow) but I don't think people ought be suggesting that she doesn't actually love him because this bothers her.

I'm not a vegetarian and have no intention of becoming one, but I certainly wouldn't expect someone who was vegetarian to cook non-vegetarian meals for me, whether or not the animals were humanely treated. That said, I wouldn't exactly appreciate getting an attitude about eating meat I did not involve my spouse in buying or preparing, either.

[rjramer06]

He does feel bad about eating animals, which makes me have hope that maybe he'll somehow eventually make the switch.

He must not feel that bad about it, if he still continues to eat meat when you go out.

I considered being a vegetarian once, but I don't think I could do it. Sometimes there is just this craving for a well-cooked steak or whatever. I would say just do your thing and respect your husband's choice to eat meat. Also the whole being sneaky about his food is just wrong. A relationship is built on trust, and you're just tearing away at that when you change stuff on him because it's what you want.

[Dav423]

He must not feel that bad about it, if he still continues to eat meat when you go out.

I considered being a vegetarian once, but I don't think I could do it. Sometimes there is just this craving for a well-cooked steak or whatever. I would say just do your thing and respect your husband's choice to eat meat. Also the whole being sneaky about his food is just wrong. A relationship is built on trust, and you're just tearing away at that when you change stuff on him because it's what you want.

I agree. That'd be like him switching your veggie burger for a real burger.Let him know how you feel about eaing meat and respect his choice. You can't force anything on anyone.

[Sarah_]

I agree. That'd be like him switching your veggie burger for a real burger.Let him know how you feel about eaing meat and respect his choice. You can't force anything on anyone.

I would have to disagree that it would not be comparable as her husband switching her veggie burger out for a real one, as her switching his for a veggie one. First of all people that eat meat, also eat many of the foods vegetarians eat. Vegetarians/Vegans do not eat MEAT in their diet at all. Therefore it would be way more traumatic and rude. I'm not saying one should be "forced" into eating a vegetarian diet. People will do what they want, and she probably can't change that. I can see how it would be upsetting though, as I am a vegan myself, but I wouldn't have started dating or married someone that eats meat to begin with. I personally wouldn't be able to deal with that as it goes against everything I believe. Although I do not off the world, I have plenty of friends who eat meat and I do not degrade them for their choice. In fact, more of them tease me on a daily basis about what I choose not to eat. It's funny how that works, but I'm used to it. Anyways to the OP, I'm sorry about your situation, but if your man has always ate meat, he probably won't be changing anytime soon.

[Dav423]

I meant on a honesty/dishonesty thing. Obviously a vegetarian/vegan would be upset over eating meat more than someone who isn't eating vegetables, but I would be upset at my spouse for forcibly trying to switch me to their ways without my consent.

[Cogni]

Talking about things is good of course, because communication between spouses about feelings is essential. But I find that actions are far more important than words and they lead to gradual changes in behavior if done mindfully. The person who does the most domestic stuff and is in the home most has a lot of power to gradually 'train' their cohabitants toward good eating and cleanliness habits as well as good manners. I've 'trained' my husband to be neater in the kitchen by always giving signs of affection and approval when he loads the dishwasher or cleans off the counter, and not nagging when he doesn't. He, on the other hand, is a vegetarian, and although I like meat I never eat it at home, because I could see he thought it was icky although he never said that. After watching him make beautiful delicous salads all the time (with feta cheese or buffalo mozzarella for protein) I have started eating more like him. I still want to eat meat when I see it on a buffet but I no longer order it in restaurants. It takes a while and you just have to be mindful and respectful of him. I don't think this means you have to cook meat for him. If he wants to have meat at home he should fix it himself.