  Not Ranked. Helpful AND tactful post? : 0  To Honey | |
It's taken me awhile to get over the fact that you're gone. I tried so hard to keep you alive. I'm just sorry that our time together was so short. I didn't get a chance to really get to know what your personality was like. Of course when I came home in May and met you for the first time I really was afraid to hold you or touch you. I didn't know why you were hairless, just that mom & dad said you were born that way. You had a little bit of hair but mainly you were hairless. You had a chubby little stomach and when I picked you up I could see your skin wrinkle and it made me feel like I was going to hurt you. I knew you were delicate, and I wouldn't want to hurt you. So I just didn't pick you up as much as the others. But I still played with you and let you sit on my bed and look around. Just like I did the others. You didn't like being picked up and you were naturally skittish. You would hop to the opposite side of the cage when I went to pick you up to clean the cage out.
I eventually decided on the name Honey because I knew under that skittish demeanor you were just as sweet as can be. You just needed the right amount of love and care. The last couple of weeks you were with me I saw that sweet loving demeanor come out. You would sit in my lap and let me pet you and you would look up at me with your black little eyes and nod your head. I knew I named you well. I had whispered into your ears before I left for school in May "You're my sweet little Honey and I love you." I think you remembered that.
When I saw that you were pregnant I was frightened and scared and didn't know what to expect. How would I afford to pay for anything if things went wrong? I didn't want to lose you. I cried worrying that I would. Frustrated by the fact that I didn't have money and neither did my parents. But somehow things worked out and I was able to take you to the doctor. It was probably a bit too late, you were already weak and having a hard time pushing. Even now my mother says I should've tried to lube you with vaseline and help you. But you wouldn't sit still and I didn't want to hurt you or the babies. But maybe if I had you would still be here with me. I'll never know though.
I never suspected you were sick my little angel. I saw that you were eating and drinking on your own and moving around the cage and rejoiced in the fact that you came out of surgery and that you were still alive. But that was short lived. That week that we went to the two hospitals and they told me that you probably wouldn't make it, broke my heart. All I could think of was "NO I just saved her life she can't die!" Call it being stubborn, call it being optimistic, call it being persistent, and determined, whatever you call it I saw those little eyes looking at me and I knew, I just knew that I couldn't give up on you. Everyone else could but I wouldn't. I knew that you had some fight left in you and that you weren't giving up on me. I could almost hear you pleading to not put you to sleep and to give you a chance to fight.
Being inexperienced, scared, and determined I brought you home and held you and cried. I cried so hard. Cried at the vets, cried on the ride home, cried in my room, and still I find myself crying whenever I think of you. I cry because you never got a chance to run around in the beautiful home I built for you and your mother and sister. I cry because you didn't get to taste all the yummy vegetables and timothy hay. I cry because I didn't get a chance to really know you and for you to really know the extent of my love. I cry because watching you go lifeless in my arms was the worst thing I've ever experienced. But most of all I am sorry, so sorry that your life was cut short because of my careless mistake. Had I sexed you properly you'd still be alive and well and you'd be here, and I would be holding you and doing right for you. But through your death I have learned a lot. I've learned that my love for my wheekhearts run deep. That I would put their needs before mine and that they are my world. I have also learned how to be a better mommy to my wheekhearts aswell.
So here's to you my sweet piggie angel, may you rest in peace and look after your mother and sister while they're here on Earth.
Love you always,
<3 Your mommy   | 
09-22-09, 09:07 pm
