What Should I Do?

[Res Judicata]

I have a twelve year old son who has really become interested in hunting, fishing, and other such outdoorsy activities. He wants to start pheasant hunting with his grandfather. I'm torn. On one hand he knows how I feel about these things and I want to forbid him, on the other hand I'd rather he started making his own decisions by weighing pros and cons. I can't make choices for him forever, and he's at an age where independence is craved and I feel he should start being able to make more serious decisions the older he gets. At least it won't be this year as he has to take firearms safety classes and tests to get a hunting license. But once he gets an idea into his head he hangs onto it, so I doubt it is going to just go away by next year. I want to be prepared. Besides he wants to start the classes in January. What's a mother to do?

[fairysari]

Well, I have no idea what you should do, but if you wanted to redirect his focus, maybe he could take the lessons, and then go shoot clay pigeons? Or just targets? Or maybe he could learn archery and shoot at targets that way? Or maybe learn how to canoe or kayak, and go on camping trips like that? Or dogsledding. Something like an outward bound trip might satisfy his outdoorsy-ness without having to kill anything. Wilderness Adventure Expeditions and Challenges The people I know who have been on their trips said they were life changing experiences.

[CavySpirit]

There are plenty of activities that parents don't allow their kids to participate in. I know it's difficult, but I'd try to find a way. I don't have any brilliant suggestions, but if it were me, I'd work to find them, because I would not let any of my kids have guns or hunt with guns.

And from your perspective, kids in the woods with guns during a hunting season is an additional risk with their life and health that I would not want to take.

I grew up with hunting and hunters. Every y-chromosome in my family hunted. Hated it. And now that I pay more attention to such things, when I would go back home to that area in that season, almost daily there was news of a kid being killed with a gun in different circumstances.

Kids making decisions about their lives at 12? My parents wouldn't let me go on a chaperoned date until I was 16. Of course, that was waaaaaaaaay back in the stone ages.

[Sabriel]

I second FairySari's idea about archery. Not only will it give him the outdoorsy feeling he craves it can easily tie in to some great history lessons. Many people in archer's clubs are also help out with Ren Faires and with historical re-enactment groups. It may help him redirect from killing things to archiving history.

You may also be able to find a club that will loan him equiptment or has equiptment they keep on site for him to use so that you don't need to keep weapons in your home.

[JarBax]

As the mum of a nearly-thirteen year old, i understand your dialema wholeheartedly! "It's a difficult age"! I agree with Fairysari, that there is plenty to do outdoors, without using guns. Like T says, kids with guns is a scarey prospect. (another issue perhaps - but I can't believe there are firearms 'safety' classes, and licences available to children!)

Do you have an active local scout group? Some of the available outdoors activities some groups offer - backwoods cooking, camping, survival skills - are as outdoorsy as you can get - without using guns. A compromise perhaps?

[krittercrazy]

If he is interested in the hunt rather than the killing, he might consider wildlife photography. He gets the thrill of getting close to the wildlife and his trophy is a great photograph of a living animal.

[Ruftybear]

I don't mean to sound harsh, but I would not allow hunting in any shape or form. What happens if your son was to shoot an animal/bird and not kill it properly? What a cruel thing to do to leave an animal to suffer in any way, soley for the 'sport'. Hunting is killing, and I would never condone that at all. There are so many other sports your son could be doing which are safer, more character building, and do not require an animal to lose its life for entertainment purposes.

My daughter is 13 (in my eyes, a child), and is not allowed to participate in things I consider to be inappropriate. If you are against him doing it, your son is still a child, and you have the right to say no to him.

[Fay]

Hunting is so useless these days, I would never let my kid hunt for fun (if i had one), How can it be a *sport* to kill something using a gun made to destroy. What kind of message do you send to your kids then?

I can understand how little boys can be with wars and fights and cool armory and stuff. Try chanelling these needs towards something like self defense class or something like that. There are some very good sports out there where you don't hurt anyone and learn you to protect urselve by fighting (which could be handy for your childs protection as well) or outdoor survival camps like previously suggested. Even despite the fact that he knows you don't like it, kids that age will not really care about that a whole lot, try showing him why, teach him a bit about cruelity of animals.

Your the parent and if you really don't want your kid to participate in something like that then say no, as hard as it can be, show him exactly why and that you don't do it to hurt him but for the animals involved and that you don't want him to think that killing animals for fun or in cruel ways is okay. (Since that is the message you give him if you continue to let him do hunting)

[Solebomber]

I say let him go hunting with his grandfather, I think it would be a good bonding experience for him, I wish I could have had something like that with either of my grandfathers but both died before I was old enough to do anything with them. One thing I know from my own experience with my 3 boys is that I have taken them deer hunting the past 4 years with me and the odds of taking game decrease dramatically with the increase of kids you have with you, but I wouldn't pass up this oppertunity to bond with my boys- its not about the kill its about the quality time with the kids for me.
This year we didn't take a deer at all, but I consider it a great deer season none the less because we spent countless hours sitting out in the woods talking one on one and thats hard to find in most situations when kids have nothing else they can do but talk to or listen to their parent or grandparent one on one with absolutely no other distractions, now thats quality time in my opinion.

[JarBax]

I totally agree on the bonding one to one issue. However, I achieve that regularly with my son when we go camping - and there is not even a hint of hurting another living creature (we even carefully remove spiders/slugs/flies from the tent, releasing them back into the wild again!)

I cannot reccommend camping more highly. No telly/computer/phones etc - no distractions whatsoever. We have camped for the past three years, every month of the year. Some of the best bonding experiences we've had have been in the depths of winter when it's dark at 4pm, tucked up close together against the elements (a groundsheet is all we've used for cover sometimes). Sharing a packet of mini jaffa cakes, whilst the wind blows the sleet and snow against the tarpaulin, chatting about nothing in particular - those are moments money cannot buy!!!

There are wonderful of bonding with children, that don't include the intention to harm living creatures.

[nonamian_girl]

As much as I agree that you should let kids make decisions for themselves, this goes against your morals and therefore should be forbidden, especially if it puts his health at risk.

If he really wants to shoot stuff, get him into paintballing.

[My 3 Sons]

It might help him to discover for himself the guilt he may feel for killing a regal wild creature. He may not want to do it again. Look on the bright side, soon he will be thinking only of girls!!!

[this_lil_piggy]

I come from a long line of hunters..Like T, everyone one with a Y chromosone basically. None of them hunt for sport though, they hunt for food. You won't walk into any of their homes and find trophy heads hung on the wall, but you will find every edible piece of deer and turkeys in the freezer. I married a man that does not hunt--he's the odd man out hehe My dad has begged to take my oldest son hunting though, and I struggled with the decision. I personally don't have anything against hunting when it is for the purposes of food, and I trust my father with my kids fully, but I didn't like the idea of having my child in the woods, in possession of and presence of, guns ecspecially without my being there. My family hunts on family owned property so there really isn't much of a risk of him being accidently shot by a stray bullet, but it still just didn't set well with me. I had resolved myself to just offending dad and telling him no, but was releived that my son made the choice on his own. Neither of my kids have any interest in hunting, atleast not for now.
We do own guns though, and a family activity we do once in a while together is target shoot. I think it would be a great idea to encourage the grandfather to take him to do an activity such as that, rather than hunting. I think our teaching our kids how to safely use guns, the dangers of guns, and the damage they can do, has played a role in them not wanting to hunt, and the fear they have of them. Neither have ever been allowed to handle a gun without one of our hands on it with them, but at 8 and 4 they both know how to fire one, how to put the safety on, and the proper way to hold one when not in use. Seeing what they have the ability to do to a target has taught them what they can do to a person or animal, and since neither child has any desire to kill anything, they are both adament that paw-paw is just going to have to hunt alone.

[Coopdog]

It absolutely boggles my mind that kids who are years away from being allowed to drive a car, vote, drink or be in the military are allowed to take a deadly weapon out into a woods and shoot at things. I will never understand it.

That being said, I agree with the camping route. We've camped with our kids for years and the time is always precious. No phone, TV, or other worldly distractions...just a deep appreciation of nature and family.

If you really don't want him to hunt, just say no and tell them to go camping instead. I would certainly hope Grandpa would support your decision.

[Susan9608]

I think hunting is an excellent way to teach your child to ignore the suffering of others. To hunt, a child must be able to deaden themselves against the idea of taking the life of another living creature. Why would you want that for your child?

There are many ways of bonding that do not involve killing innocent creatures; there are many ways of bonding that are much safer than arming a *child* with a weapon. Many people have suggested other ways of encouraging a bonding between your child and his grandfather.

Also consider this - if you are against the principle of hunting, but allow your child to engage in this activity, what are you teaching him? Are you teaching him to stand up for his convictions, despite pressure from loved ones? Or are you teaching him that principles aren't that important?

Children learn by example. What do you want your son to learn from this? Do you want him to learn how to be strong and how to stand up for what he knows is right? Or do you want him to learn that killing sentient beings for sport is okay?

You are his mother; he looks to *you* for guidance. Sometimes being a parent means setting the limits.

[CBrewton5]

Originally Posted by Susan9608

I think hunting is an excellent way to teach your child to ignore the suffering of others. To hunt, a child must be able to deaden themselves against the idea of taking the life of another living creature. Why would you want that for your child?

There are many ways of bonding that do not involve killing innocent creatures; there are many ways of bonding that are much safer than arming a *child* with a weapon. Many people have suggested other ways of encouraging a bonding between your child and his grandfather.

Also consider this - if you are against the principle of hunting, but allow your child to engage in this activity, what are you teaching him? Are you teaching him to stand up for his convictions, despite pressure from loved ones? Or are you teaching him that principles aren't that important?

Children learn by example. What do you want your son to learn from this? Do you want him to learn how to be strong and how to stand up for what he knows is right? Or do you want him to learn that killing sentient beings for sport is okay?

You are his mother; he looks to *you* for guidance. Sometimes being a parent means setting the limits.

There's so many things wrong with that post it's hard to know how to reply. First of all, any experienced hunter when he hunts an animal will kill in ONE SHOT so there is little, if any, suffering. Euthanizing an animal in a vet's office is less humane than that if you want to look at it that way. When shot by a hunter a deer or rabbit or whatever else is usually dead before he hits the ground. The same is not true for an animal that is euthanized even by a licensed veterinarian.

Now there are hunters that do hunt strictly for sport and do not care about the suffering and will shoot the animal anywhere they can to mame it before shooting it. THAT is wrong, but that is NOT the behavior of an experienced hunter that hunts strictly for food and not for sport. There is a distinction there and I don't think it's fair to make an across-the-board statement like a hunter has to deaden his feelings to hunt. That's just wrong.