My boyfriend's family (venting)

[evilnumberlady]

I am really unimpressed with the way my boyfriend's family keeps their animals.

His aunt was bad enough-- two of my guinea pigs came from her. I didn't really want two more at the time, but my boyfriend called me up and told me about the state they were in and I had to take them. They were living in a too-small wire-bottom cage with no bedding. They were being fed fruit and rabbit pellets regularly. They were also occasionally given some brown icky-looking hay. Their cage was outside. Their nails were extremely overgrown. They were infected with lice. She didn't even want them and was quite eager to pawn them off on me via my boyfriend when he mentioned I owned a couple (she had never even met me before). She gave him the standard "they deserve to be in home where they more attention" line and blamed their poor care on her recently injured ankle. What her ankle had to do with housing them inside in a proper cage with the right food is beyond me. But he actually defends her when I complain about the poor care they received under her. When my boyfriend took them from her he didn't take the cage with him, because she wanted to "get a rabbit”. Hello? You just abandon two animals and go right out and get another one? I should have put my foot down and asked him to go back and get it, but he was already an hour on the road and I was concerned about their health. Grr..

But his parents! I know his mom loves animals to death, but she's so irresponsible with them! She has four dogs, a female golden retriever, two male dashounds and a female dashound. None of them are neutered/spayed. She's even actively trying to get the female dashound pregnant. Nevermind that they are only pet-quality dogs and have no business being bred (even if they are purebred—they are not show quality). Or that she often lets them run around outdoors unsupervised (where they could easily find another breed to impregnate/ be impregnated by).

I have completely written off his aunt, but I can tell his mom cares about her dogs. She just thinks that breeding is OK. Can anyone think of a way I could nudge her in the right direction? I think what she’s doing is horrible but at the same time I’m dating her son and want to keep things friendly.

Also, I’m really concerned that my boyfriend seems to be OK with how the dogs are kept at his parent's place and is mostly OK with how his aunt cared for the two pigs I rescused from her. He also once told me I should bring the pigs I got from his aunt to a shelter (I hadn’t been financially prepared to take care of them since they sort of dropped in my lap, and I was stressed out for awhile after getting them.) We got into a huge fight about him even suggesting something like abandoning an animal. I think he mostly apologized to get the argument to end.



I’ve really started to consider telling him that if we get married we can’t have any animals, because I don’t think he’s responsible enough to have them. I imagine that would make him angry.

[Lyndsay]

From my young tender age of almost 19... I say get rid of the boyfriend. But seeing as putting him up for adoption isn't an option, maybe sitting down and having a heart to heart talk with him, with ample reasoning on why all of the above things are bad. Breeding, irresponsible housing, and the likes, he obviously doesn't see the same way the people on the forum do, but that doesn't mean he can't respect your standards.

[evilnumberlady]

Originally Posted by Lyndsay

From my young tender age of almost 19... I say get rid of the boyfriend. But seeing as putting him up for adoption isn't an option, maybe sitting down and having a heart to heart talk with him, with ample reasoning on why all of the above things are bad. Breeding, irresponsible housing, and the likes, he obviously doesn't see the same way the people on the forum do, but that doesn't mean he can't respect your standards.

I guess in listing the problem I'm having I neglected to mention all the good things about my boyfriend. Besides all the things I like about him that have nothing to do with pets, He's by nature really great with animals, and he's really sweet with my guinea pigs. It's just that he doesn't "get" the whole adoption vs. breeding thing. Or why it's so bad to surrender an animal. He SHOULD understand these things, I know, but he doesn't.

[Sabriel]

Yes but there is a difference between getting it and respecting it. My husband doesn't "get" my point of view most of the time, but he has sure learned to respect and live with it.

Maybe taking that approach will help. Instead of saying "I want you to change" just let him know "In my life I have certain ethics. You may not like them. You may not agree with them. But if you want to have me around you will have to learn to live with and respect them. This may take a little bit of work on your part and it will certainly take a lot of work on my part but I feel it's worth it. Don't you?"

The answer to that question is all you will need to know.

And that is how this vegetarian animal rights pushing tree hugger lives happily with the supervisor of a meat processing plant. It's all about boundries and respect.