PMs from Mods

[Heady]

This made me laugh:

Originally Posted by Biscuit

cuddley carebear talk.

This was me:

Originally Posted by Biscuit

particularly the workplace environment where bosses and even peers will simply say "this is wrong, I need you to correct it." I imagine them crying in the 3rd stall from the left half the day

Although I'm not a whiner, but I was always doubting myself on whether or not I'm doing something right, and would incessantly ask my supervisors if I was doing something right...and they were pretty annoyed by it. I don't blame them though, because I was doing everything the way I was supposed to, but they were unhappy with the lack of self esteem I had and how, if a customer yelled at me, I took it quite personal. Lots and lots of tears. But I will say that this was around the time I had a nervous breakdown, so that may have had something to do with it.

Originally Posted by Biscuit

To be fair though, I AM mean.

I seemed to pick that trait up along the way. There was a long length of time where I became very "ballsy" and was able to assert myself without question. But, eventually, that went away, and I went back to being an overly sensitive, inferior feeling blob. Ugh.

[Peggysu]

If I let every little thing that I did wrong get to me, I would never be able to improve, let alone function.

[Paula]

Biscuit, your entire post was so well said, thank you!

And I'm just going to add my opinion, not as a moderator here but as a person who has to function day-to-day with a variety of different personalities and communication styles. And I'll preface it with this: I am NOT a very sensitive person, either in person or online - in fact you actually have to try very hard and go quite far out of your way to offend or insult me.

That said, my observation here is that the vast majority of folks who are upset by this forum's members and communications are those that come here hoping and/or expecting to find a happy, huggy place to share cutesy little guinea pig stories. And that's all fine and good, but when you get to a place where it's more important to avoid hurting someone's feelings than to step up and point out what a person might be doing wrong - or even harmful - in regards to their guinea pigs - then I think that goes against absolutely every principle on which this forum was founded and is operated.

In the case of the standard PMs that go out when you've broken a rule, it's probably better on a number of fronts if you try to avoid taking them personally, because they most certainly aren't usually meant to be (they are generally a standard message, depending on the issue) and instead think of them as a means to help you and others have a better experience here, which in turn will hopefully translate to a better experience for something near and dear to all our hearts - guinea pigs.

[Heady]

Originally Posted by Paula

And I'm just going to add my opinion, not as a moderator here but as a person who has to function day-to-day with a variety of different personalities and communication styles. And I'll preface it with this: I am NOT a very sensitive person, either in person or online - in fact you actually have to try very hard and go quite far out of your way to offend or insult me.

And that's all fine and good, but when you get to a place where it's more important to avoid hurting someone's feelings than to step up and point out what a person might be doing wrong - or even harmful - in regards to their guinea pigs - then I think that goes against absolutely every principle on which this forum was founded and is operated.

This is the kind of strength I would love to have! I'm not easily offended because I can be quite offensive (in a joking way, typically) but I feel guilty for things I don't need to and, for instance, I called my doctor's office to get an appointment, and while I was explaining the reason why I needed to be seen, the receptionist became very rude and said "I don't care about any of that" and told me the date and time and hung up before I could confirm it. I felt AWFUL! In tears...

I want to learn how to be a stronger person and not be so weak. Stand up for myself and what I believe in and, frankly, tell certain people where they can stick their attitude. Alas, I can't do that. Especially this guy at the local pet store. OOOO, he makes me SO mad...

I am so grateful for the people here...the moderators and the members. I have learned SO much about my boys and most of the learning came from matter-of-fact, straightforward posts. There was no babying when I did something wrong. You all point it out for me and I don't care what tone it's in...it's important for my pigs survival and health and I couldn't be happier!

I'm sorry, again, if my post is out of topic! I hope it's not...I tried to keep it on topic, but the receptionist part may have taken it off....

[blackarrow]

Originally Posted by Biscuit

I honestly don't know how some of the posters I see function in the real world, particularly the workplace environment where bosses and even peers will simply say "this is wrong, I need you to correct it." I imagine them crying in the 3rd stall from the left half the day, and whining the rest.

Much to my amazement, this actually seems to work for some people. I served on a BOARD with two people who did that on a regular basis, and it got them all kinds of sympathy. Most worrisome to me was the treasurer, who did that any time someone mentioned that it would be a good idea eventually to have a professional audit. Red flag, red flag, people. . . .

Originally Posted by Biscuit

To be fair though, I AM mean.

But Biscuit, you're my kind of mean. If it weren't biologically impossible I'd be offering to bear your children right about now.

[Biscuit]

A huge part of the disconnect seems to come from different reading/communication levels. Some people just lack perspective, internet forum experience, and reading comprehension. The sheer amount of hypocrisy I see in almost every thread I call the "OMG Y R U SO MEAN?!" threads nearly overwhelms me. Fortunately for the poster, posting my real, unedited opinion is against the rules so I usually stay out of it and lurk.

But I'm thinking it. Loudly, so loudly!

[Duffinvt]

Originally Posted by Biscuit

A huge part of the disconnect seems to come from different reading/communication levels. Some people just lack perspective, internet forum experience, and reading comprehension. The sheer amount of hypocrisy I see in almost every thread I call the "OMG Y R U SO MEAN?!" threads nearly overwhelms me. Fortunately for the poster, posting my real, unedited opinion is against the rules so I usually stay out of it and lurk.

But I'm thinking it. Loudly, so loudly!

Agreed. But keep in mind, the purpose of this board is to educate the members regarding quality care for guinea pigs. A certain amount of restrain should be used so the poster is not sent off in a fit of tears. Hopefully the poster will stay on the board long enough to learn how to properly care for his or her pet(s). Each person leaving means potential suffering or even a death sentence for an innocent guinea pig due to the owner's ignorance.

[Biscuit]

That's why I said it was "fortunate" that it is against the rules. Just like it's fortunate I don't run this forum.

[sdpiggylvr]

Paula, this is in regards to your response:
Can't we have a balance between being respectful and not hurting people's feelings and making sure everybody is caring for their guinea pigs properly?

[sdpiggylvr]

Reply to Biscuit's first post:
I do not feel I am emotionally immature or unable to handle anything but "cuddly carebear talk."
Can't we all agree that respect and proper piggy care are equally important? All I'm saying is that I want to come to a forum where everyone is kind, welcoming, and helpful. I do not need babying or love notes but I just want to be respected, that's all. Especially since we don't really know each other that well in the first place.
Can we all agree on that?

[YayPiggies]

I got a notice today, in fact, and although it made me feel very bad and guilty it was still polite. If it were all buttery and sweet I probably wouldn't have felt as bad and I wouldn't have changed. I think the mods are at a happy medium.

[blackarrow]

This entire site is about making sure guinea pigs are being treated properly. There are any number of sites where all kinds of things are "balanced" against that interest. I for one am grateful that this one does not take that approach.

[MapleSyrup]

I agree with blackarrow. The purpose of this site is to help make the lives of guinea pigs better. Yes, the mods can feel harsh, but makes a straightforward point. PMs from mods should not bother you, just follow the rules and learn from your mistakes, and move on.

[blackarrow]

Originally Posted by sdpiggylvr

Can't we all agree that respect and proper piggy care are equally important??

No.

Originally Posted by sdpiggylvr

All I'm saying is that I want to come to a forum where everyone is kind, welcoming, and helpful.

Good luck finding one. That doesn't interest me. I want to come to a forum which teaches proper guinea pig care, and this is it.

Originally Posted by sdpiggylvr

I do not need babying or love notes but I just want to be respected, that's all.

Good. That's motivation for you to learn to earn the respect of others.

[Biscuit]

Also, everyone has different ideas of what is kind, welcoming, and helpful.

The impression I get about a lot of posters who take issue with the mods is that no one could meet their idea of kind, welcoming, and helpful while also enforcing the forum rules and/or disagreeing with their ideas on proper guinea pig care. Disagreeing and direspecting seem synonymous to them.

[Ly&Pigs]

Originally Posted by YayPiggies

I got a notice today, in fact, and although it made me feel very bad and guilty it was still polite. If it were all buttery and sweet I probably wouldn't have felt as bad and I wouldn't have changed. I think the mods are at a happy medium.

It was not my intention to make you feel that way, I hope you know that. It was my intention, however, to get the problem fixed for the reasons I explained to you.

I am going to quote our fearless leader from this thread:

Originally Posted by CavySpirit

Yes, 'you attract more flies with honey than vinegar.' However, we aren't about attracting flies. We are not about growing the forum membership for the sake of growing it. We most definitely do not want every person who happens across our site and forum to become active members.

If we wanted everyone to 'be happy' all of the time, we would be dousing the fire of the soul of our community. Most of the time, this is a great, fun place to hang out. Sometimes, some discussions get tough or argumentative or heated.

[Seonta]

I would like to mention that the mods read EVERYTHING. I commend them for this of course. But if you have ever babysat a child or were instructing a child and you keep having to say the same thing to the same child a hundred times or even to different children a hundred times you may very possibly raise your voice, change your tone a bit, or even slam a hand on the table in irritation. I do not think you can judge how a mod enforces the rules until you are in their shoes for three months enforcing the same rules and see how well you feel. Not everyone can handle it.

[CavySpirit]

Originally Posted by Duffinvt

... Each person leaving means potential suffering or even a death sentence for an innocent guinea pig due to the owner's ignorance.

I just want to add that while this is an easy assumption to make, I think that actually happening is rare. Leaving the forum from being an active posting member doesn't mean they didn't already get an indoctrination to the sources of information. Also, more often than not, when someone is upset with the forum, even if they stop posting or worse, are banned, they end up spending even more time on the forum. By the time someone is upset enough to stop, they've had plenty of exposure to proper care ideas and know where to find the answers.