Oh My Gosh! Pregorexia?

[MissFormosa]

I am sitting here at home sick and watching Tyra and she is talking to some pregorexics. I've never heard such a thing! I am absolutely horrified! I thought I had heard of everything, but how can someone starve their growing fetus because they don't want to gain weight? I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around this. Don't these girls understand what's going to happen? These babies aren't going to be born happy healthy babies, if they even survive. Is it possible for someone to be so scared to gain weight that they can't eat for two? Why wouldn't the maternal instinct kick in? This is so confusing. The doctors they see must be able to see this. Can't they do anything? I am absolutely shocked. Have you heard of this? I hadn't until today.

[wigglesgiggles1]

I never heard of this either. How can someone do this. Wow.

[JD In Van]

I know someone who had this and had to be hospitalized.

While I know it's easy to call the mothers selfish and what not one MUST understand that this like anorexia is a MENTAL ILLNESS and the actions they take are not rational or thought out very clearly and often rooted in other deep emotional trauma. It turned out my friend who had it had been molested and impregnanted in her teen years something she thought she had delt with but seeing her body start to get curvy and pregnant again dredged it all up in a way she could not mentally handle. Her 'pregorexia' if you wanna call it that was her damaged psychies' paniced attempted to control something she couldn't control previously.

It's important to understand people with eatting disorders are not selfish, they're sick and usually the disorder is a manifestation of a deeper mental health issue.

[Heady]

Originally Posted by JD In Van

I know someone who had this and had to be hospitalized.

While I know it's easy to call the mothers selfish and what not one MUST understand that this like anorexia is a MENTAL ILLNESS and the actions they take are not rational or thought out very clearly and often rooted in other deep emotional trauma. It turned out my friend who had it had been molested and impregnanted in her teen years something she thought she had delt with but seeing her body start to get curvy and pregnant again dredged it all up in a way she could not mentally handle. Her 'pregorexia' if you wanna call it that was her damaged psychies' paniced attempted to control something she couldn't control previously.

It's important to understand people with eatting disorders are not selfish, they're sick and usually the disorder is a manifestation of a deeper mental health issue.

I have to tell you that it's so nice to know that people out there "get it" as so few do. Thanks

[princesspoppy]

Never heard of it but i can relate to it. My first pregnancy. I started out at 132lbs by week 16 I dropped down to 120lbs . By my 8th month i went down to 112lbs. I wasnt sick i just didn't want to eat. Even drinking a glass of chocolate milk made me fell full. I was put on every medication under the sun to help me,my baby and my weight and nothing helped. At week 33 and 3 days i had emergency c-section. Ash was born 5lbs. 2 days later my weight was checked. I was 91 lbs. I was skin and bones and i could actually see my rib cage. It took me 4 years to get up to 103 lbs.

My 2nd pregnancy it happened again. I gained 8lbs in pregnancy only. Kell was born 5.2lbs. I checked my weight after pregnancy. 92lbs. Now 4 years later i'm still having trouble to gain weight. I'm 109 lbs but target is 113-115.

[Heady]

Princess, that kind of stuff scares me! I like to learn as much as I can about anatomy and medical issues (when I was a child, I wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon). I know very little about the medical side of what you experienced, but I know people that have gone through dramatic weight loss during pregnancy. It completely baffles me! Especially those cases, like yours, where it wasn't intentional. I get the psychology of the intentional ones, but just can't figure out the others.

I'm very glad, though, that the babies are okay! I wish you luck on gaining that weight back! If I look at food, I gain weight, but I wouldn't want to be on the other side of the spectrum.

[princesspoppy]

It's really not a pleasant thing. I'm studding to be a mid wife and all week we were talking about diet and the importance of eating health foods and so on.For mother and baby. Some of the pregnant moms at the hospital were talking about how much they gained.20,30 40 lbs. Usually 30 lbs is normal. Being on the other side of the spectrum is not nice at all. My mother would torment me on occasion,did you eat,what did you eat,are you hungry. It's very hard to make people understand that WE are not this way by choice. Some are,some are not.

[JD In Van]

As I was telling Poppy in a PM, there's a lot of autoimmune disorders that can be triggered by physical trauma, including pregnancy. I developed celiac disease (which we now know runs in my family) at the end of my pregnancy, I suspect due to some of the complications I had but I've had cousins also develop it during pregnancy.

In my case I'm 5'10. I was 125 lb when I got pregnant. I gained about 80 lbs but I had a 10 lb baby so I lost 20ish pounds just giving birth. But within 2 months I was down to 120lbs. That is 65 lbs in 2 months.

Unfortunitely autoimmune disorders such as celiac, while they effect about 4% of the population are not well understood by most general practitioners or even specialists and so it's not something that's routinely tested for.

Celiac's a complete intolerance for anything with gluten in it (wheat, barley, rye), so undiagnosed celiacs are literally poisoning themselves every time they eat anything that contains those ingrediants. It causes extreme damage to the intestines and interferes with the bodies ability absorb nutrition (at one point I was eatting 3-4000 calories a day and still losing weight because I didn't know the foods I was eatting were doing MORE damage to me) which largely can be reversed by going on a gluten free diet but in some cases can be perminent. Also continued exposure to gluten increases the rate of cancer in celiacs by about 400%. It also comorbates with autoimmune thyriod disease, type II diabetes and chronic allergies. Particularly thyriod disease sufferers should be tested for it.

It's completely asymtomatic, meaning differant people have very differant symptoms. In my case besides the weight loss they were very neurological - depression, blurry vision, irritability. In my mothers hers manifested as a list of allergies a mile long. My cousin was skeletal thin and had cronic gut pain, another cousin was chronically bloated and just thought she was fat.

It's a pretty scary disease. As I said very few doctors know to test for it.

Since the first case was diagnosed in my family in 2000 we have found it in 7 people on three differant generations extending from my great grandmother down to my cousin's child and we have three people undergoing testing currently that may have it.

It's taken me 2 years of living 100% gluten free, including 1 year living on a high dairy fat diet to get to the healthy weight of 145lbs. I know that some people think 'oh if only that was my problem' but I don't think those people can understand what it's like to be starving or worse to know you're starving but to not be able to even force yourself to eat when you need to.

[MissFormosa]

It scares me too! That's the word I was looking for!

I so confused trying to wrap my head around this. I don't know why in my mind I couldn't have put the two ideas together.

I understand anorexia completely. When I worked in an animal experimentation lab in the Army I was so distressed that I stopped eating and worked out all the time. It wasn't for any vain reason. I didn't look in the mirror and have image distortion. I was by no means overweight to begin with, I was in top Army shape. I think I did it to keep my mind as focused on being hungry as possible so I wouldn't think about what I was being forced to do to the animals. I think it was more of a mental survival mechanism, because it eventually cracked and broke, and my mind was trying to kept itself from doing that by flooding my thoughts with obsessional behaviors.

And I understand pregnancy weight loss too. I didn't gain a lot of weight with my second baby, because I had morning sickness 24 hours a day for the whole duration of the pregnancy. Yippee! What fun! Almost everything that went in, came out. Oh the memories! I remember the day I had a little Pepto Bismol before leaving the house and proceeded on my way to work riding the 4 train from Bowling Green to Grand Central. We had just stopped at 14th St Union Sq station. I was thinking as I stood there, I think I'm going to barf, but I only have one more stop before I have to get off, so I think I can make it. WRONG! And mind you, this is during morning rush hour when the trains are full. Before I could pull the plastic bag out of my purse, there it went. Bright pink all over the floor, on a ladies shoe, and people backed away like I was brandishing a loaded gun at them. People rushed to get out of there to get to the next car. Then there was my wedding day. I was standing on the side of the road in front of the city hall bent over throwing up. In my dress and everything. Yeah, it wasn't good and I didn't make my target weight. But it wasn't intentional. It was a real hassle actually. More testing and prodding.

So, these girls on Tyra are saying they don't want to eat because they are afraid they will get fat even though they know they have a baby inside of them that needs nourishment really puzzles me. I can't grasp it. I know it is an illness, but it scares me. It scares me as much as the people that put newborn babies in trash cans. I don't know what to think about it. I can't grasp the concept.

Mental illness scares me period. I myself am bipolar and my own illness scares me, because without my meds my behavior is really wonky. I get all the time people saying I should write a biography because I could write 500 pages of all the crazy things I have done in my life until I was medicated just 3 years ago. This is some really bizarre stuff that normal people wouldn't think to do in a million years (all while I was manic). I thought I was ruler of my own kingdom. I didn't do these things intentionally, it was my illness that did it, so maybe this is what these pregorexic girls are going through? I'm trying to relate a little.

The treatment of mental illness scares me too. If this was just a century ago, I would have been locked away already for good. And the medical field in mental health hasn't come that civilized yet either, in my opinion, just different tactics.

[MissFormosa]

Originally Posted by JD In Van

Celiac's a complete intolerance for anything with gluten in it (wheat, barley, rye), so undiagnosed celiacs are literally poisoning themselves every time they eat anything that contains those ingrediants. It causes extreme damage to the intestines and interferes with the bodies ability absorb nutrition (at one point I was eatting 3-4000 calories a day and still losing weight because I didn't know the foods I was eatting were doing MORE damage to me) which largely can be reversed by going on a gluten free diet but in some cases can be perminent. Also continued exposure to gluten increases the rate of cancer in celiacs by about 400%. It also comorbates with autoimmune thyriod disease, type II diabetes and chronic allergies. Particularly thyriod disease sufferers should be tested for it.

Oh my goodness. I feel so bad that you are afflicted with this. So much food includes those ingredients. This must be a tremendous strain for you to find foods without the gluten in them. Ugh. That's awful. There's no cure or medicine you can take? Like lactose intolerant people take meds?

[Heady]

Originally Posted by MissFormosa

Mental illness scares me period. I myself am bipolar and my own illness scares me, because without my meds my behavior is really wonky. I get all the time people saying I should write a biography because I could write 500 pages of all the crazy things I have done in my life until I was medicated just 3 years ago. This is some really bizarre stuff that normal people wouldn't think to do in a million years (all while I was manic). I thought I was ruler of my own kingdom. I didn't do these things intentionally, it was my illness that did it, so maybe this is what these pregorexic girls are going through? I'm trying to relate a little.

The treatment of mental illness scares me too. If this was just a century ago, I would have been locked away already for good. And the medical field in mental health hasn't come that civilized yet either, in my opinion, just different tactics.

I am totally with you on this one! I started medication about 4 years ago and while I miss the person I was before medication, I understand now that my behavior and the situations I got myself into were very dangerous. Just this past year I am now on medication that works for me. After being a guinea pig (no pun intended) with various medications from various doctors, we've finally found the right combination.

And I absolutely agree that the mental health field is still lacking in civility. Because of all the medications I was on, I have developed permanent twitches and such. They pushed and pushed with meds that shouldn't even exist anymore, such as Thorazine, and kept me on them for so long. I'm very bitter about it, but thankful that I found a "good" psychiatrist that doesn't use me as a test subject.

[Onetwo]

Wow poppy I didnt know we had so much in common. Just like you my 2 pregnancies were difficult. I also was extremely nautious throughout both of my pregnancies. With my 1st son I was 100lbs when I got prego. And I dropped 10lbs the 1st 4 months as I was so nautious and sick. Finally the last month of my pregnancy I was able to gain weight and when I delivered I was 118lbs. My son was a perfectly healthy 7lbs 6oz. The birth was normal as well except I slept through the contractions. I woke at 6am and went potty. My water broke there and the contractions were nuts. We got to the hospital an hour later after being diverted to 2 other hospitals (and having to fight 7am rush hour!) we got there and I was ready to push. LOL He was born on his due date Dec 31st! My second pregnancy was a bit easier as my husband was laid off 4 months in and cooked ALOT! But I weighed 95lbs when I got prego and dropped 5 lbs the first 3 months and then gained 25 the remaining pregnancy. He was a week late and didnt want to come out! LOL so they induced and it was the worst pain ever!!! He was born 7lbs 3oz and perfect in every way as well. With both they put me on bed rest and they complained that I wasnt gaining enough. They wanted me to gain 40 lbs and I thought that was nuts! I can bearly maintain 100lbs even though I eat over 2300 calories. I am health conscious but I NEVER starved my babies. My husband kept track one week of what I ate so he could prove to the "yeah" OB who made me break down in tears. I ate average of 3700 calories a day! Plus I was on bedrest! I think its sick and wrong to intentionally starve yourself regardless if you are pregnant. I was anorexic as a teen too I was an exercise freak! But I also think it is sick and wrong to eat nothing but garbage and get obese! I hope everyone who has issues is able to get the help that they need. I wish there wasnt such prejudice and judgement but its there for a reason. "Why does breast cancer get a color and gets to raise money and lung cancer does not? Its because people think you have a choice to smoke and if you make that choice you deserve to die." (quote from House) I am a smoker and I think its true. If you lead a certain life style then you should suffer the consiquences.

[MissFormosa]

Originally Posted by Heady

And I absolutely agree that the mental health field is still lacking in civility. Because of all the medications I was on, I have developed permanent twitches and such. They pushed and pushed with meds that shouldn't even exist anymore, such as Thorazine, and kept me on them for so long. I'm very bitter about it, but thankful that I found a "good" psychiatrist that doesn't use me as a test subject.

Yep, instead of the traditional restraints, now they are chemical (well, I have had some of the traditional restraints, but they don't use them as frequently as they would have in the past). I was a zombie for the longest time until they got my meds right. I couldn't feel happy or sad, just alive but not really living. I still don't feel that great about it. I feel like my meds affect my ability to be creative. Which is a difficult pill to swallow (my pun was intended) when I wanna go to fashion school so bad.

[JD In Van]

Originally Posted by MissFormosa

Oh my goodness. I feel so bad that you are afflicted with this. So much food includes those ingredients. This must be a tremendous strain for you to find foods without the gluten in them. Ugh. That's awful. There's no cure or medicine you can take? Like lactose intolerant people take meds?

It's not so bad now. For a while all I ate was salad cause that's all I knew was safe. Now there's a far broader range of gluten free foods available.
And to be honest I cook a lot healthier then ever before because I can't eat a lot of fast foods and junk foods and have to make a great deal from scratch.

[JD In Van]

Originally Posted by MissFormosa

I understand anorexia completely. When I worked in an animal experimentation lab in the Army I was so distressed that I stopped eating and worked out all the time. It wasn't for any vain reason. I didn't look in the mirror and have image distortion. I was by no means overweight to begin with, I was in top Army shape. I think I did it to keep my mind as focused on being hungry as possible so I wouldn't think about what I was being forced to do to the animals. I think it was more of a mental survival mechanism, because it eventually cracked and broke, and my mind was trying to kept itself from doing that by flooding my thoughts with obsessional behaviors.

Also while not for the military I worked in an animal research lab as well but I found (much to my suprise) some of the most gentle animal loving souls I have ever met there. While some of the animals there were sacrificed (The lab next to me did stem cell research that has helped in the new treatments for diabetes), and another one worked with the veternary collage to study ways to treat many genetic disorders in live stock none of these labs were cruel to their animals nor did they inflict any suffering on them at all. (Infact the university would not authorize any research that did).

We also bred endangered finches and a few indangered species of fish and lizards. I did sleep cycle research with hamsters who lived out healthy lives and died naturally or were taken to homes at the end of it to retire.

I'm sorry you had such terrible experience.

[princesspoppy]

Gosh. I know this site is all about our piggies. We don't see the person on the other side of the screen. I feel like i have gotten to know you all after we shared our stories. Miss Formosa,you are a very brave lady to open up like that. (piggie hug).
I can only imagine how hard it is to get those awful images out of your head from the Army.

[Heady]

Originally Posted by MissFormosa

Yep, instead of the traditional restraints, now they are chemical (well, I have had some of the traditional restraints, but they don't use them as frequently as they would have in the past). I was a zombie for the longest time until they got my meds right. I couldn't feel happy or sad, just alive but not really living. I still don't feel that great about it. I feel like my meds affect my ability to be creative. Which is a difficult pill to swallow (my pun was intended) when I wanna go to fashion school so bad.

Absolutely! I've never had to deal with restraints. I've had to deal with people holding me, but never being tied down for medical reasons. Either way I think it's totally barbaric.

You know, since I was finally convinced to start taking meds, I lost every ounce of creativity I ever had. I know what you mean about feeling like a zombie. For me, I felt like I was dead. I felt as though I died a long time ago, and I was waiting for my body to catch up. A total chemical lobotomy. I dealt with it in ways that I don't want to be too specific about, as I know young ones come on this forum and I don't want to give them ideas, but there was and still is a lot of self damage. I don't do it for the typical reasons, but I guess that doesn't matter. Everyone wants me to think or feel that I'm doing something wrong, when I see it as the second coping skill that works for me.

I will tell you that the last time I was hospitalized was this April. The attending psychiatrist listened to me and put me on a combination that I knew would work for me. I've been on it since and my regular pdoc agreed to keep me on it. Gradually I've noticed a difference. The past couple of months have been better. I'm not having as many bad days and my creativity is starting to come back. It's nothing like it was and I know I can never get that person back, but I feel like maybe that's okay. Maybe I wasn't meant to be that person. I don't know. Just...really, keep your head up. If you disagree with a medication or if you know it's not working, tell your pdoc. It has been such a long road to go down for this result. While I'd rather be pushing out paintings like nobody's business, I can't. I have to be patient with myself and I think you should do the same.

We deserve to allow ourselves forgiveness.

[MissFormosa]

Originally Posted by princesspoppy

Gosh. I know this site is all about our piggies. We don't see the person on the other side of the screen. I feel like i have gotten to know you all after we shared our stories. Miss Formosa,you are a very brave lady to open up like that. (piggie hug).
I can only imagine how hard it is to get those awful images out of your head from the Army.

Thank you Poppy ! I feel that the internet is very anonymous and sometimes a little isolating, therefore, by opening up, I am bringing my personality and life experiences forward, just as I would if I were sitting across the table from a friend.

Yes, it is. I was watching a documentary yesterday and all of a sudden the next topic that came up was vivisection. I should have know that would be brought up! I totally blanked on it. Before I could locate the remote, which was entangled in the blanket I was using, I saw enough to really make me sick. I was bawling my eyes out hysterically and I thought the room was spinning. It was awful. So yes, I still am haunted by what I was forced into doing and probably will be until I die. On a lighter note, it has made me more aware of animal issues. I research almost everything we bring into this house to see if it was tested on an animal or not. If it is a company that does animal testing, I will not buy it. I donate to animal charities, shop at pet stores that do not sell animals, and am very outspoken about animal cruelty.

Originally Posted by Heady

We deserve to allow ourselves forgiveness.

Yes, we do.

Heady - We have a lot in common!

I have also had ways of coping with my illness in the past. That is a complication of my illness. To think it depends on getting a few pills right, huh?

Mental illness is a terrible curse. And if you dare tell anyone, you are labeled crazy. Even if they are a friend, they will look at you differently after you have told them. It's as though suddenly, you are a different person than they had known before. Some people will even think that when you are having a hard time, you are using your illness as an excuse. I hate it all. I've been trying to get past this by just being up front about it. I'm bipolar, so what! If you want to have some sort of reaction to that, go ahead. That's your behavior now, not mine.

I despise when people make fun of the disease itself, which annoys me highly. For instance, how many times have you heard someone describe someone who they envy or are mad at or whatever as bipolar? They say things like "She's just so bipolar, she needs a boatload of prozac" or some sort of thing. It's a hard thing to describe, but I'm sure you know what I am talking about.

I have also found that calling bipolar by it's formally known name of "manic depressive" scares people.

I am hoping that one day, the treatment of mental health will improve greatly. Especially with my illness, bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder has a higher suicide rate than the general population, or any other mental illness. I can't remember the exact statistics, but I think it was like 1 out of 3 people with bipolar disorder will have had at least one suicide attempt in their lifetimes. That is scary. Also, at any time, even if you are medicated, you can have what is called a "psychotic break" where you just lose it temporarily. Like your worst mania nightmare. I really hope science is on my side and developing better methods to treat this.

[Heady]

Originally Posted by MissFormosa

Heady - We have a lot in common!

I have also had ways of coping with my illness in the past. That is a complication of my illness. To think it depends on getting a few pills right, huh?

Mental illness is a terrible curse. And if you dare tell anyone, you are labeled crazy. Even if they are a friend, they will look at you differently after you have told them. It's as though suddenly, you are a different person than they had known before. Some people will even think that when you are having a hard time, you are using your illness as an excuse. I hate it all. I've been trying to get past this by just being up front about it. I'm bipolar, so what! If you want to have some sort of reaction to that, go ahead. That's your behavior now, not mine.

I despise when people make fun of the disease itself, which annoys me highly. For instance, how many times have you heard someone describe someone who they envy or are mad at or whatever as bipolar? They say things like "She's just so bipolar, she needs a boatload of prozac" or some sort of thing. It's a hard thing to describe, but I'm sure you know what I am talking about.

I have also found that calling bipolar by it's formally known name of "manic depressive" scares people.

I am hoping that one day, the treatment of mental health will improve greatly. Especially with my illness, bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder has a higher suicide rate than the general population, or any other mental illness. I can't remember the exact statistics, but I think it was like 1 out of 3 people with bipolar disorder will have had at least one suicide attempt in their lifetimes. That is scary. Also, at any time, even if you are medicated, you can have what is called a "psychotic break" where you just lose it temporarily. Like your worst mania nightmare. I really hope science is on my side and developing better methods to treat this.

It always amazes me how some people that have only communicated through text can still find common ground with the other. It's as though the text itself is capable of reaching beyond the screen.

At this point in my life, I'm no longer ashamed of the labels pdocs have given me. The one that is most prominent and that I fully agree with is PTSD. Bipolar is the second with a touch of psychosis. However, I think the umbrella of PTSD covers some of the symptoms of Bipolar disorder and also causes psychotic behavior without actually being a separate diagnosis...if that makes any sense. I have a feeling that you know exactly what I'm talking about. I have many, many diagnoses, but I don't allow them to define me. Granted, some of them seem right on, but that's not who I am. And that's not who you are.

Although this may be considered hypocritical of me, I do hope that you have discovered "healthier" coping skills. I have yet to deal with the bulimic aspect of me, so that one is still there, along with the other.

It IS a curse and it's such a stigma. There is a long story I could tell, but I would rather make it as short as possible. Basically my dad choked my little brother about 4 years ago and it happened when I was there along with my husband (who never believed the stories I told him about how sick the family is).

My mom didn't do anything (but she did get an earful from me), so I went to my brother, calmed him down and then Jeremy and I left and I called CPS (this isn't the first time CPS has been called on my parents).

My parents didn't speak to me for 3 years and all of my family in that area, with the exception of my Grandmother (maternal), turned on me. They used my first hospitalization for a psychotic episode as fuel. They made up so many stories and one of them was that my brother and my dad were PLAYING and apparently I wasn't even at the house. My dad's mother called me and told me that I deserved the miscarriage I had during this time because of what I did to my dad (this woman has been pregnant 11 times, none were successful, so she adopted my dad and his brother).

People are just incredibly cruel and will seek out any weakness a person has and use it against them and it seems mental illness is the favorite. Is so easy for someone to discredit someone that's mentally ill because of how it's still looked at. GAH!

I don't mean to disagree with you about something, but I think the #1 mental illness with the highest suicide rate is schizophrenia. I'm probably wrong though!!!! Don't quote me on that!

You mentioned that you despise when people make fun of the disease. I absolutely hate it when people say "OH, I bet it's so cool to hallucinate!!" Hate is a very strong word, but I mean it. I can't stand that. I also dislike it when people, typically angsty teens, decide they're Bipolar because they had a bad day. I don't like it when people toss these diagnoses around, and frankly, I think my last psychiatrist kept the Bipolar diagnosis going without really taking into consideration the symptoms of PTSD. I mean, it's very possible that he is right, but still...it's amazing how many of these illnesses share the same symptoms, but aren't the same diseases. It seems Bipolar is becoming a very popular diagnosis, and in my opinion, there are times where it is incorrectly given to someone.

Sometimes I truly believe that the prevalence of Bipolar Type 1 and 2 exist as a way to push medications. This is why I am VERY firm with my psychiatrist. He was fooling around at the beginning, giving me unnecessary medications because he got a cut. But, like I said before, after the April hospitalization and meeting that wonderful pdoc in there, my regular pdoc has stopped the trial and error and has kept me on what I know works for me.

I want you to know, however, that I'm not doubting your condition in any way. I just know people that clearly aren't, but the doc said they were. Eh.

I do believe this is a novel.

[princesspoppy]

One day at a time at our own pace. Slowly but surely we will reach the top of the mountain. Big huggers. Muah.