If Guinea Pigs Were Bart Simpson ....

[GizzyandMe]

If Guinea Pigs where like Bart Simpson here are some of the things they will have to write out on the Black Board:

I do not need to do such a great crescent that it causes my human to flip out and think I have died. If I must, I will respond to pellets/hay/food.

I only weigh 3 pounds. It should not take three humans to clip my nails.

I weigh 5 pounds. I will not be insulted when the humans call me Moose.

I will no longer climb out of my cage. I understand that I am not built for climbing up straight cage walls, even if there are girls on the other side.

I will not climb on top of my little house and jump out any more.

I will not freeze and pretend I'm invisible so my human will not pick me up.

I will not go to sleep with my head under the food dish as this makes my human think I have died.

I will not jump on top of my pigloo and make my human think I am trying to escape when I am only trying to get a better vantage point for the hay rack.

I will not jump over the barrier of three liter soda bottles that keep me out of the living room. This freaks out my humans.

I will not keep absolutely silent when my human is trying to demonstrate to others why I was named "McSqueak".

I will not poop in the food dish, then not eat the pellets because my poop is in the dish.

I will not rumble and rub my smelly scent gland on the floor of my cage just because it has just been cleaned. The idea here is to get rid of the stench.

I will not run away from humans trying to take my "pigture" at a regional Guinea Pig Pignic. I'm just too cute!

I will not run away in the direction I am placed when I set foot on the carpet.

I will not run under the couch during floor time and make it impossible for my human to get me out. I will also not bite my human when she coaxes me out with some celery and then picks me up.

I will not sneak from my cage, into the girl's cage over and over.

I will not try to intimidate everyone who comes near my owner. I weigh a pound and I cannot beat up anyone.

I will not turn my head when my human wants to take a picture of me.

I will not wheek and nudge my person to be picked up and then when she reaches for me, run away. I also will not do this several times in a row.

I can leave my hidey hole long enough to eat calmly. I do not need to drag my food dish back with me, or drag my hidey hole to the water dish.

I do not need to eat any and all plastic that is within 6 inches of my cage. It really makes my human worry.

I will not all of a sudden decide that greens are good, and I need lots of them, when I have hated them for a good 4 months.

I will not beg for a sixth mini-carrot in one morning.

I will not chew my way through the plastic wrap of the loaf of bread lying next to my cage and start noshing on the slices inside. Both bread and plastic make me poop funny!

I will not cry just to get a treat when I have a perfectly full bowl of pellets.

I will not eat the hay out of the next compartment when I have plenty sitting right there in mine.

I will not go totally ballistic if the really good hay is not put in my cage first. I will get mine eventually.

I will not hang half my body over the edge of the cage to try to get the veggies faster. My human is washing as fast as he can.

I will not nab the remaining bit of carrot from my human's hand, run away, bite the piece I have in my mouth, and drop the rest. If I forget and do this anyway, I will not run to my human wheeking madly for more.

I will not push my food bowl around so that it spreads pellets everywhere in the cage, and then demand a refill.

I will not put my backside to my young cagemate so that she won't be able to get to her veggies because I am greedy.

I will not refuse to budge off the top of my food bowl, causing the male human to decide I must have food and therefore leaving me to go without food until the female human reaches into the cage and forcibly lifts me.

I will not request to live on green peppers and spinach and reject almost everything else.

I will not squeal like it is the Last Supper every single time my humans opens the fridge door.

I will not sulk when my human doesn't pick pineapple off her pizza or pick tomatoes out of pasta. I don't like warm foods.

I will not take the place of my food dish when my humans are filling up my bowl with fresh pellets and veggies. This just makes it harder for them to place the bowl back in Just The Right Place.

I will not throw my carrot out of my cage door when my human goes to get me lettuce and leaves my door open because I don't want it.

I will not tip my food dish so that I don't have to raise my head one millimetre to eat. This is sheer laziness and part of the reason that I am the size of a building stone instead of a brick!

I will not tip the food dish and eat from the bottom of it. The pellets on the bottom are the same as on the top.

I will not trick my male human into feeding me after my female human already has!

I will not try to drink out of my human's pop can. Pop is not good for me. I will also refrain from licking my human's mouth after she drinks pop.

Lettuce, apples, and other fresh veggies are good for me. I can eat more than pellets and carrots.

My human likes to eat parsley too. I will not beg from her when she is eating her parsley. I will eat my own parsley that she just gave me.

My human will feed me. There is no need to panic when the other two humans go to bed and my human hasn't fed me yet. I will not beg from my human after her father has already given me veggies.

Pigs are ground dwellers. We should refrain from trying to haul our fat 3 pound butts up ANYTHING to reach the plants the humans put out of our reach.

Standing up on my hind legs, no matter how cute it is, will not get me a treat every time my humans walk into the room. (It works 98 percent of the time however.)

We don't like cantaloupe. When our rabbit neighbors get some, we will not scream because our human didn't offer us any. She did give us some tasty apple instead.

We don't like cookies, so we don't have to have spasms because my human gave the rats and bunny some and not us.

We will not act like we will die if we don't get a carrot one night, then act like carrots are toxic next!

Almost everyone I read I went "That's my Gizzy" and it just made me laugh so I thought its a perfect day to make someone else giggle

[princesspoppy]

Haha that made me laugh. One more. I will not poop or pee on the new cozie that mom spent hours making.

[GizzyandMe]

Hahahaha Excellent PrincesPoppy! I am sure there are 100's more to come!

[PiggiePaws]

Very cute! That gave me a good laugh.

[fridzalone]

LOL...


That's funny.
Here's another one :
When my mom open the door, I will make lot of sound and stand on my two feet begging for food.

At least that's what happened to my piggies.

[JD In Van]

I will not hold in all my poops all morning only to let them out immediately after mommy has spent a half hour cleaning my home and spreading out nice, clean fleece for me. (Because I swear they do this on purpose!)

(and this one's for my Baby) I know I am smaller then my brother and can't move him. this doesn't mean I have to move his house from around him while he's sleeping just because I want it for myself.

[BabyBellie]

I think the ones that bugs me the most are
I will not spend hours wheeking for veggies. Dinner is fed at the same time every night, even if I cry earlier.

I will not eat pellets after I have been given veggies. I just spent hours crying for veggies so I will eat them first, not pretend that they are decorations.

[PiggiePaws]

I will not eat pellets after I have been given veggies. I just spent hours crying for veggies so I will eat them first, not pretend that they are decorations.

My boar Charlie does this all the time!

[Wodentoad]

For Zane:

My brother has acknowledged that I am the bigger pig, I no longer need to assert my dominance.

My mommy cuts my hair as well as that of my brothers. I do not need to help her.

Just because I can, I should not lay across the whole of the veggies the minute mom puts them out.

I will not drain the water bottles. This only makes the towels wet and no one likes that.

For Bear:

There is life outside of my hidey. If I leave, mom will stop poking me.

I will not lay with my head out of my hidey and my eyes open when I sleep, so that mom and dad do not think I am dead, and will stop poking me.

I will not make it well known that it is bed time, at 8pm. I will wait until at least 10.

My littlest brother is very curious and wants to say hi.

For Duke (he is obsessed with a particular green as you will see):

One I have vacuumed up all of the cilantro, I will not wheek for more. My mom put out a variety of veggies for my health and well being.

Mommy's fingers may smell like MORE cilantro, but the are not MADE of cilantro.

My brothers might like to try some Cilantro too. I will learn to share and not seal it from them when they manage to get a bite.

I will ask nicely BEFORE I move my big brother's house to make room for my laps.

I will acknowledge that I am utterly adorable when I run because I squeak with each step. I will not stop to give her the stink eye when she laughs at me.

Daddy is NOT a ladder, nor is his shoulder a look out. Furthermore, Mommy's hair is NOT made out of hay, and while she likes to wear green shirts, they are not made of (you guessed it) cilantro.

[princesspoppy]

Haha very good wodentoad