To Be Cruel or To Be Civil? What's Your Choice?

[JennG]

Ok, I understand that we are not nicey-nicey when it comes to giving advice on this forum. I agree that we have newbies/trolls/breeders, etc...who either don't/won't know what this forum is all about. It's not a "everyone has to get along" type of forum and there will be some head butting from time to time.

With that said, I must say that I feel that some members are taking things a bit to far. I don't know if it's because they want to kiss up to the mods/T or if they really feel THAT passionate or if it's just to start trouble but I think everyone needs to take a step back, breathe and check themselves before posting. I have posted something and then regretted saying it. I could've said it a different way and I'm learning as well.

I think if you disagree with someone, you should put it in writing and not put a groan in place (automatically), I'm sure that's not what T intended it to be used for. While some are using the groaning method, others are harassing members whether it be on a thread, over emails or by private messages. I think that is ridiculous and very childish! No one has the right to judge someone else based on just what a thread has stated (& again I'm not referring to breeding/petstores/etc...) You don't know what that person is feeling or going through at the moment. I understand giving a person advice but you don't need to harass them into your way of thinking.

I know that people are here to be helpful (and most are) but I think that alot of us need to take a step back and reread what you are about to say before hitting that submit button.

Are we all going to get along, no! Can we at least be civil, yes. Please don't read that I'm for breeders/buying from petshops and so on but I am saying that I'm here to support those of us that have been on here for awhile and know what this forum to stand for.

Thank you for listening. This has been bothering me for a long time and even though I've only been a cavy slave for 7 short months, I do agree with what this forum stands for but I also think that I'm tired of reading all the trivial and repetitive stuff as well.

Our number one priority here is our piggies and that's the fact but I don't think we need to harass or groan or just be cruel to each other. (And for the last time, I'm NOT referring to the breeders/petshops/etc...)

JennG

[My Baby Mu]

I agree with you, Jenn.

[pink_cottonball]

I totally agree,with you too. I hope I am not one of those members.

[Becky cavy mad]

Yeah I agree! I remember when I said I kept my piggies outside in a hutch and everyone went mad! I said I could'nt keep them inside.Also I said they were very well insulated and they still kept on about it!

[PiggieMom]

Totally agree with you Jenn. People need to take a chill pill.

[Becky cavy mad]

If you get really mad don't post, go and take 5 and have a cuddle with your pigs. : )

[BabyGrl]

Amen sista. I definitly know where you are coming from and there does seems to be a bit more of it as of late.

[JennG]

Becky-I hate to bust your bubble but I'd give you grief for keeping your piggies outdoors.

I'm talking about people jumping on someone who needs to make a life and death decision and trying to weigh the pros and cons and asking for opinions but it's their ultimate responsiblity and their decision. I'm talking about people who groan others just because they don't agree with what that person offered as advice. I'm talking about the person "leaps before looking at the whole picture." I'm talking about people doing searches before asking the same *bleep* question that has been asked many, many, many times before. I'm talking about the person who thinks they're above the rest and think they know what they're talking about but don't.

Ok I think you get my message.

And this is not to support breeding, backyard hutches, petshops, etc... I will not be civil on those views. This is not what the forum stands for but I just think people need to chill out!!

[Hansel]

It seems sometimes that people wait for a post that they can jump on and do so happily. I agree Jenn, people need to re-read and think about their posts before they submit it. At least think about how the reader will take it. Getting people offended doesnt always get very far. That being said, I do love this website and have learned so much, but people do need to chill back a bit.

[Susan9608]

The moderators try to deal with the people that are truly out of line with rudeness, hostility, immaturity, etc. Naturally, we don't - and can't - catch everything the instant it occurs, but we do the best we can.

There are some people who frequently make posts that are rude or hostile or immature, and I'm sure that there are people who "groan" about things that really aren't so bad. However, when people chastise them in response to those posts and admonish them to not be so "mean" or "rude" or whatever, the original poster becomes defensive and then the whole thing turns into a "You were mean" and "No I wasn't; *you* were mean!" situation.

Nothing at all gets accomplished when threads turn into a pissing contest that way. No one gets any assistance with their problem, because it's very hard to take people seriously when they are fighting about the maturity and politeness of other people's posts.

You can't change how other people behave - that's the bottom line. No amount of nagging or harassing or admonishing will make people be "nice" - it's more likely to make them even more rude, as they have to then defend themselves.

What you can change is how you respond to it. If someone is truly being out of line, then let one of the moderators know, rather than responding to it yourself. There are 5 of us, plus CavySpirit, so there is usually one of us always online and available. If you let us know, then we can deal with it and keep the fuss to a minimum.

About the groans - The groans are in place to allow people to express an opinion about the post without having to make a whole post expressing their displeasure. By simply groaning, it eliminates the need for someone to make a whole post to express their displeasure, and eliminates a lot of the possibility for people to be excessively rude. The moderators are not the groan police. If someone groans about your post and you don't like it, that sucks, but I suggest you just try to get over it and not get all worked up about it.

[nonamian_girl]

Is there a possibility of having an explanation feature for groans and thanks? Maybe that would help the situation.

[Ly&Pigs]

I believe there is already an explanation thread about thanks and groans.
http://cavycages.com/forum/showthread.php?t=15213

You can't change how other people behave - that's the bottom line. No amount of nagging or harassing or admonishing will make people be "nice" - it's more likely to make them even more rude, as they have to then defend themselves.

This is so true.

[nonamian_girl]

No no, I meant, when you make a groan or thanks, would there be a way to explain why you said thanks or groaned? Like when you edit, you have the option of posting why you edited.

[Susan9608]

If you make an explanation about why you groaned or thanked someone, then you might as well have made a whole post instead of simply using the groan or thanks feature. I think, usually, it's pretty obvious why people groaned or thanked someone.

[nonamian_girl]

Hm, good point, though I think at times it's not very clear with the groans, from what I've seen. Oh well, thought I'd make the suggestion .

[Susan9608]

If it's not clear why someone groaned, then in my way of thinking, the groan was probably a useless or spiteful one, and should just totally be ignored and dismissed. But if you greatly desire clarification about it, you could PM the groaner and ask about it ... as long as that doesn't turn into harassment.