Losing Friends

[kimberly78]

I am feeling sort of depressed. A lot of my friends have stopped talking to me since I got engaged. See I am 27 and he is 41. My friends think he is too old, and it bothers them to see me with him. I feel that they are the ones with the issues not me and john. I think what is important in a relationship is trust, respect and love - all of which we have. He treats me so perfect and I am happier than I have even been. I think my friends should see that and be happy for me, instead they have wrote me off. It hurts me to lose these "friends" that I have had for over 12 years but I refuse to appologize for being with someone that loves me and that I love. Has anyone else been in this type of situation? Sorry to rant but I needed to get this out.

[2pigs4rats]

Rant away! Age shouldn't be an issue, I agree that what's improtant is trust, respect and love. There is no way you need to apologise for being wih somebody who you truly care about and who you can share the rest of your life with. Your friends are most likely just worried about you though so try not to be too hard on them. explain to them that you understand their concerns but that you truly trust this guy and ask them to be a little bit more considerate of your feelings.
I hope you and John have a great life together and I hope your wedding day is the best!

[kimberly78]

Thank you so much, thats very sweet of you! I have tried to explain to them several times. Two of my friends really tired to keep an open mind and ended up really liking him and know why I want to spend my life with him. I know there are times in our lives when we are tested and true friends stick by you, guess its now that I am entering that phase again in life. Thanks for the input and kind words.

[BabyGrl]

When I became pregnant with my daughter I was 19, I was in a sorority, had lots of friends, went out all the time. After I became pregnant all of this stopped. Obviously, I couldn't go out like I used to but it hurt that I was not even getting calls from people. It hurt and it was frustrating. It also helped me to see who my true friends are. My best friend and roommate at the time got all wierd on me. She became unsupportive and we had a huge falling out. 10 years of friendship down the drain because she couldn't handle my life changes at the time. It did not help that she did not think very highly of my husband at the time. She did not "approve" of him or of the decision I made about my pregnancy. Unfortunatly some people are like that. They can't handle change and don't even want to try. Just stay close to your tue friends and always remeber that some will come and go. What is important is that you are happy with your situation. So he is 14 years older than you. Big deal. You are a grown woman and can make desions for yourself. It is not like you are 14 and dating someone way older than you. All that matters is that you and your fiance are happy. He is the one you are going to be spending your life with not your friends. It does not matter what they think.

[kimberly78]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is sad to see people you considered close leave, but we always manage dont we. I know that I have to stay focused on me, they have to deal or stay behind as I move foward. Thanks foe the support (hug)

[Becky cavy mad]

Who cares what your friends think of him if you love him you marry him! They are just being stupid my mum and dad have got an age gap of 22 years and there friends don't hate them.

[Bunny Gurl]

Age doesn't matter.

[cavy-cool-crazy]

Ditto to everything else said.

I haven't been in your situation before. I lose friends through geography issues - I move house a lot and most don't bother to stay in touch. Losing friends in this ways isn't so bad, but being shunned by your friends because of your life decisions is just appalling.

[daftscotslass]

I've not had any fall-outs over it but I did have an arguement with my gran over the (7 year) age difference between me and my boyfriend. She said it was "appalling". I asked her the difference between her age and my late grandfather's (they were married for 52 years when he passed away) and she said "umm... 7 years". So, you never know!

[smoot]

I think age difference really depends on how old you are, like BabyGirl mentioned. If you were 17 and he was 31, then that would be different. No matter what they might say, a 17 year old has nothing in common with a 31 year old. At 27, though, I think you're old enough to know what's right. I'm assuming that you've been in serious relationships before and know what you want and what you don't want.

On the same note, 7 years isn't a big deal if you're 30 and he's 37, but if you're 16 and your boyfriend is 23, I'd rethink that relationship.