Things That Rub Me the Wrong Way
Posted 10-30-09 at 07:24 pm by Res Judicata
The local college has a trick or treat night for the kiddies. Costumed kids are taken on a tour of the dorms by a college kid acting as a guide and get candy. Oftentimes, the hallways are decorated and the college students dress up in costumes. I love it because it means a warm, dry place to trick or treat. The only time we're outside is when we moving to a new dorm.
Anyway, we got stuck in a group last night with a mother who was trying to wrangle twins who looked to be about 2 and an older daughter. She seemed to be around 8 or 9. Mom and the twins got lost on the tour twice, leaving the daughter alone in the group and rather upset. It upset the other kids, too, because we all had to wait for about 10 minutes while mom and her toddlers were located. She did not pay any attention to where the little ones were going. They just shoved their way in everywhere and I almost stepped on them three separate times. One of them went barreling down the stairs in one dorm, tripped, grabbed the skirt of my 4 year old, almost taking her down with him. Why was Mom not holding these kids' hands?
And she further irritated me by constantly calling her daughter "Sister." "Sister, we're right behind you!" "Sister, take only one piece of candy." Etc, etc. The boys were addressed by their names, but not that girl. You would have though Sister was on her birth certificate. That is one of my pet peeves. You gave your kid a name, why don't you use it? I just hate those people who refer to their older children as "Sister" or "Brother." Their little siblings should really learn their names, not just their titles. It seems to sort of objectify a child to refer to them simply by one role they play in their lives. Takes away individuality to some extent. Your little brother has a name, but your parents insist that "Sister" is more appropriate for you. When I did daycare, I had a 5 year old boy in my class who had no idea what his older sister's name way. To him she was just "Sissy." Nobody else called her Sissy outside of the immediate family, so it was not a true nickname. Drove me crazy.
Anyway, we got stuck in a group last night with a mother who was trying to wrangle twins who looked to be about 2 and an older daughter. She seemed to be around 8 or 9. Mom and the twins got lost on the tour twice, leaving the daughter alone in the group and rather upset. It upset the other kids, too, because we all had to wait for about 10 minutes while mom and her toddlers were located. She did not pay any attention to where the little ones were going. They just shoved their way in everywhere and I almost stepped on them three separate times. One of them went barreling down the stairs in one dorm, tripped, grabbed the skirt of my 4 year old, almost taking her down with him. Why was Mom not holding these kids' hands?
And she further irritated me by constantly calling her daughter "Sister." "Sister, we're right behind you!" "Sister, take only one piece of candy." Etc, etc. The boys were addressed by their names, but not that girl. You would have though Sister was on her birth certificate. That is one of my pet peeves. You gave your kid a name, why don't you use it? I just hate those people who refer to their older children as "Sister" or "Brother." Their little siblings should really learn their names, not just their titles. It seems to sort of objectify a child to refer to them simply by one role they play in their lives. Takes away individuality to some extent. Your little brother has a name, but your parents insist that "Sister" is more appropriate for you. When I did daycare, I had a 5 year old boy in my class who had no idea what his older sister's name way. To him she was just "Sissy." Nobody else called her Sissy outside of the immediate family, so it was not a true nickname. Drove me crazy.
Total Comments 13
Comments
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I'd probably be a little chaotic too if I had 2 year old twins.Posted 10-30-09 at 08:58 pm by PiggieMamaKelly
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But you would think that she would be aware of that and get some help wrangling her children. I have 3 under 10 and if I feel that I cannot handle the situation, I ask a family member for help.Posted 10-30-09 at 09:04 pm by Res Judicata -
It's nice that you have family members to ask for help.Posted 10-30-09 at 09:54 pm by blackarrow 
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Yeah if anyone in my family had just referred to me as "sister" I doubt I would've responded or known if they were talking to me. How does the mom know that her daughter knew it was her?
I doubt she was called sister before her brothers came along. My brother only called me sissy when he was trying to butter me up and ask for something. most of the time it was Teesa because he has a speech impediment.
But I agree that if the mom can call the younger ones by name she should atleast be able to show the same to the oldest.Posted 10-30-09 at 10:04 pm by twiztedlilfae - I just feel there is no reason for letting your kids run wild in public. I have been stung too many times by inattentive parents. The worst was a couple at a parade. At the time my youngest was a baby and I had her in one of those carrier things on my stomach. This little girl was running all over to collect candy, into the parade traffic, shoving adults and kids alike to get goodies. Parents did nothing. A
lipop landing between my legs. I bent over to pick it up, thinking that if I didn't, I was going to get bowled over by this girl. Sure enough she comes up right as I was bending over, grabbed onto the baby carrier, knocked me off balance and I landed on her. Of course she's crying, my baby's screaming, and the parents snap to attention. Suddenly the dad's in my face threatening to call the cops because I pushed his daughter over. I pointed out my screaming child, who now had a scratch on her forehead and said I would happily explain to the cops that his daughter pulled me over in an attempt to get candy and my infant was now hurt. I have soured on unattended kids since then. And maybe a lot of it has to do with being an Aspie. I am expected to know social rules and follow them even if I do not understand the meaning behind them, but it seems to be ok for those not afflicted with an autistic spectrum disorder to be as rude as they want.Posted 10-30-09 at 10:17 pm by Res Judicata -
Rude kids are my pet peeve too, as is referring to older children as 'sister' or 'sissy'. My little brother called me 'sissy' until he figured out how to say my name, 'T's were difficult for him when he was young. As soon as he could, I was Tess, which has been my name since birth.
However, in my husbands family (he is the same age gap to his older sister as my younger brother does to me), the "Sissy" nickname stuck and the WHOLE FAMILY calls his older sister, Cristina, by that nickname- TO THIS DAY. It kind of bothers me, but I just am sure to call her by her actual name- I don't want to upset or insult the inlaws over something so trivial.Posted 10-30-09 at 11:40 pm by Tessa Bea -
Omg, how awful. Those kids could have gotten hurt!
Bad parents are my pet peeve.
I completely agree with what you said about them being called Sister or Sissy.
I was never called Sissy or Sister by anyone but when my brother was little he would call me "Winnie", I'm not sure why actually since my name is Emily but it was cute. He called our other sister, Alisha "Salad" because thats what always she always ate and he thought that was her name. Our other was called by her name, Sarah, only spread out like Saaarrah.Posted 10-31-09 at 10:23 am by Ibbet - As far as the mom holding their hands, maybe she was and they let go and started running. This was a common occurance with my brother. He was on a leash for a long time because he had a tendency of bolting in public. He would run into crowds, no fear, out in the middle of the street. He'd just run without worrying. My mom would be screaming for him to come right back here.
If we kept a "death grip" on him he'd eventually wiggle his way out of it. I'm serious my brother was a houdini in training. He was able to get out of his carseat within a split second. Mom had to use those locks you put on cabinets to childproof your home, around his carseat hooks JUST to keep him in the chair.
I'm only mentioning this because the mom could be dealing with two terrors that won't listen or stay still. She's probably doing this so that her oldest daughter wouldn't feel left out from halloween fun, but she might not have anyone at home to help her. My dad was military and gone for 6 months a year, due to back to back sea duty.
Either way it's easy to judge but you don't know her situation. I can agree that maybe a leash or something similar would be a good thing, but I wouldn't say she's a bad parent.Posted 10-31-09 at 11:20 am by twiztedlilfae -
What gets me is these parents that don't watch their kids are the ones who panic the most in an emergency.
When I worked in a resturant years ago it was a nightmare when there were kids there because some parents would let their kids run around. I litterally ran a few over while carrying stuff because I could not see them.Posted 10-31-09 at 11:42 am by Peggysu - To argue the other side, because I do that.
Imagine these twins were a couple of dogs and the event was some kind of dog get together or whatever. What if the "mom" just let the dogs run wild, jump on people, pee on things, etc.? People would not cut her any slack. Yet if her kids act like royal terrors, it is ok. I know that dad might be absent for any number of reasons, but in most cases a parent could probably get some helper to help her out with the kid, even if it is a teenager to babysit for a couple of hours while she takes the daughter out. Or to come with her.Posted 10-31-09 at 10:14 pm by Res Judicata - It could also be behaviorally out of the mothers head. Maybe they have ADHD and the mother doesn't know it (from the way you described them they sound like it) or it could be lack of proper parenting, or many other things. There's noway to know for certain. A dog is different, you can train a dog to behave and their behavior and temperament is directly due to how you treat and raise them. Children are a bit more complexed. You can tell someone with ADHD to sit still but they just can't. You could tell someone to not do stupid things but will that make them less likely to stop? Doubt ful. But you can tell your dog to get down and stop jumping on people. And they can be trained to behave in ways children can't be. I'm sure most people wish they could train their kids to listen like their animals.
My mom used to say that, she wished we would listen to her when she called like her animals did.
That and people tend to not care about other people, aslong as it doesn't directly affect them. Or the mother could b worried that if she tries to punish that social services will be called.
I know a big one here is that you can't spank your child in public. They'll call DSS on you in stores. It's ridiculous!Posted 11-01-09 at 12:26 am by twiztedlilfae - For one thing, dogs are not likely to know there's a dog event in the area and make your life a living hell if you don't take them.
It certainly would have been nice - and it seems like it would have made a lot of sense - for one of the others in the group, or one of the college kids, to give this mom a hand.Posted 11-01-09 at 05:23 am by blackarrow - I agree that you should be able to reasonably discipline your child in public without complete strangers threatening to call the police or DHS.
I had three kids of my own to look after, so I was worthless as help for her. I was just worried they were going to get hurt or do something that would hurt someone else (e.g. my daughter on the stairs). The guide did what he could, other college students were at candy stations being inundated with eager children wanting treats, so I do not know if they even noticed the problem. I was not really paying much attention to the other parents because I was keeping an eye on my own children and trying not to step on the twins. The last thing I wanted to do was squash someone's child again.
I suffer from a disability myself, and unfortunately it is not as accepted as ADHD, or physical disabilities. Those of us on the higher end of the autistic disorder spectrum are expected to follow social norms we do not understand. Do not self-stimulate (coping mechanisms) in public, people will think it is weird, make eye contact even if you find it to be very uncomfortable, your posture is awkward, stand up straight because it will make people feel more comfortable around you, do not be so direct because it might offend someone. So, if I am expected to be completely normal in public, then why do the ADHD kids get a free pass because they are hyper? Asking me to see the world like a non-autistic is like asking the hyper child to sit still. Or telling the parapeligic to quit faking it and get out that wheelchair.
I use the Asperger's as an example because that is what I know, what I have had to deal with every day of my life and my son's life. Just want to state I am not bringing it up in an attempt to whine about how having an ASD means I am discriminated against. I just need to do my best to promote awarness and acceptance of neurodiversity. Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Sometimes you have to adjust the situation to the child. Maybe you do not attend the whole event, but what you and your child can handle. I do not believe in medicating most children, but there are ways of working with children to get them to control their impulses better, if for a a limited amount of time per outing or whatever. I do not believe these kids were anything more than rambuncious two-year olds out of control. Even a simple stroller would have helped. The hallways in the dorms are wide and there are elevators. In fact, a child in a wheelchair was being guided through the tour using the elevators. No reason a double stroller could not have been included as well. It unfortunately is not the type of world that you can expect people to randomly help, but is also not one where you can let your kids run wild, disability or not, for their safety and the safety of others.
Thanks for all the responses. It really helps me understand other points of view.Posted 11-01-09 at 08:33 pm by Res Judicata
