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Do you want to understand?
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Not especially - and I'll tell you why. I think you're exactly like that satire in that you're reasoning, no matter how well thought out it seems and how logical and how peaceful and loving and kumbaya it all seems, it simply rationalizes how it's okay to eat other animals. It's a cop out ... the easy way out. A nice way to avoid taking a hard stance. "Well, MY beliefs say it's okay to eat meat because I respect ALL life."
And if it's okay to eat cows or pigs - no matter how much you respect them and their right to not suffer - then hey, why not eat your children? As long as they have a swift and painless death? What's the difference?
Plants may be alive, but they aren't alive the way animals are alive. Is there not a fundamental difference between mowing your lawn and cutting off your cat's tail?
To say that you "respect" all life and value no life more than another, makes your concept of life nebulous and indistinct ... plus, I happen to find it a little sicken that to justify your "values" you'll just go ahead and eat it all, since you value it all so much.
Seems like rationalization to me. But that's just my opinion. I happen to think that there is a very distinct difference between the life of plants and hte life of animals ... but hell, I'm weird enough to see a huge difference between tearing into a head of lettuce and bashing in the head of a dog.
whatever.
I respect all life so much that perhaps I'll just put myself on tpn and lipids forever, then I'll never have to eat anything.